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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strangers giving my DC biscuits

123 replies

Bubbinsmakesthree · 22/07/2017 07:16

We (toddler, baby and me) frequent a cafe that is also popular with ladies in their 50s/60s who seem obsessed with offering my toddler biscuits.

Now I welcome the fact that they seem to be charmed by the toddler, and any day where he's happily chatting with a cafe lady whilst I feed the baby (rather than him badgering me, whining, throwing a tantrum or whatever) counts as a win. If he ends up eating biscuits then so be it.

But I am still a bit 'WTF?' that cafe ladies take it upon themselves to offer him biscuits either without asking me at all or only checking with me after they've waved it in front of his face (so I've got a choice of biscuit or tantrum).

Are the cafe ladies being U to feed him biscuits or am I being U to find their friendly gesture a bit annoying?

OP posts:
DonkeyOil · 22/07/2017 09:13

ladies in their 50s/60s who seem obsessed with offering my toddler biscuits.

Yes, of course, once you hit your 50s/60s, you completely lose your individuality and start behaving like every other person in their 50s/60s. I can barely stop myself handing biscuits out all round. Who knows why?

Original poster
Bubbinsmakesthree · 22/07/2017 09:26

Just to clarify I'm talking about customers at the cafe and it's always totally different people so they don't know us - it just seems more often than not lately there's someone there who ends up giving him a biscuit.

I agree it's a well-meaning gesture and is always combined with them having a little chat, cooing over the baby and being generally lovely which is all very much appreciated.

I don't mind so much (it can be a bit irritating when it gets in the way of lunch or is on top of another treat he's already eaten), but it just seems like a slightly presumptuous thing to do when you don't know the child/family.

OP posts:
Eggandchipsfortea93 · 22/07/2017 09:32

Seems a bit ambitious to expect him to entertain himself in a cafe while you feed the baby actually, they probably see that he's bored and whiny (which you mentioned in your OP, and want to help. Maybe bring/buy a snack that he has while you feed baby, or something specific that he'll enjoy playing with?

Original poster
Bubbinsmakesthree · 22/07/2017 09:34

Yes, of course, once you hit your 50s/60s, you completely lose your individuality and start behaving like every other person in their 50s/60s.

It's happened half a dozen times in the last month or so and it's always the same age women do this. Obviously not every one of them!

OP posts:
TheFirstMrsDV · 22/07/2017 09:36

Thanks away. It wasn't meant to be a me-rail, this thread just reminded me of the ridiculousness of the situation Smile

Glumglowworm · 22/07/2017 09:39

Yabu

If you don't like it then stop letting strangers entertain your child. Or just speak up and say oh how kind but no thank you

its only a biscuit. It's a kind thing to do

DonkeyOil · 22/07/2017 09:39

I think maybe you need to frequent a different, more 'happening' cafe, with a younger demographic, op. Unwanted biscuits are always going to be a hazard in fuddy-duddy 'old people's' cafes!

Original poster
Bubbinsmakesthree · 22/07/2017 09:42

Maybe bring/buy a snack that he has while you feed baby, or something specific that he'll enjoy playing with?

We're always there having a drink/snack or lunch and I've always got colouring book etc.

Toddler is (even if I say so myself) pretty adorable when he's not being a dick - between him and a baby we are a magnet for people who like to coo over small children.

OP posts:
bruffin · 22/07/2017 09:56

buttface
Ds had a febrile convulsion in Mcdonalds, while ambulance came etc , the manager took dd away , gave her icecream and played with her. I was immensely grateful and instead of complaining i wrote to HO to say how much i appreciated their help.

Why are people so ungrateful nowadays about people just being nice .my ds has allergies but it takes a simple does it have nuts in, not getting cross and complaining on MN, but the MN is full of people with foid issues.

TheFirstMrsDV · 22/07/2017 10:09

TBF the op doesn't sound too extreme about biscuits. Its fine to not want them thrust in a toddler's hand all the time. I just think you have to balance up how much you really care v how much you enjoy adults being nice to your child.

NotYoda · 22/07/2017 10:10

DonkeyOil

Indeed. Somewhere where the snacks take the form of quinoa amuse-bouches

NotYoda · 22/07/2017 10:11

yy MrsDV

I am parodying

otterlieriver · 22/07/2017 10:15

I don't like people giving shit to my children, and that doesn't make me ageist or sexist or someone with nothing better to worry about. If we all used 'but some children are dying' as a bench mark none of us would ever do anything.

At the moment my children are young. I want their diets to be healthy. That's the beginning, middle and end. If you have bigger problems my heart goes out to you but do not tell people they cannot worry about their world because yours is worse.

DandySeaLioness · 22/07/2017 10:22

I feel your pain OP, every time I pick up takeaway with my 3yo they wave a fucking chupa chups lollipop in front of her, one of the few things she is not allowed (chocking risk ffs). I've lost count of how many times I had to explain she can't have it (and dealt with a tantrum afterwards).
At least a biscuit every now and then seems harmless.

Floggingmolly · 22/07/2017 10:24

Maybe they assume if you object to him eating biscuits you wouldn't frequent cafes so... frequently.

otterlieriver · 22/07/2017 10:28

And sorry; that was sharper than I intended.

But these minor annoyances and niggles are a big part of parenting.

It's nice to share. I wouldn't like it if such posts vanished altogether.

TheFirstMrsDV · 22/07/2017 10:29

'but some children are dying'
Are you having a FUCKING laugh?
My child was dying, at that point, when a man who had taken advantage of my hospitality was expecting me to care that his child ate a biscuit.

Are you the type of person to whinge at a parent facing the imminent death of their child because of a fucking cookie?

Boredwithmyname · 22/07/2017 10:34

It's a kind offer. Smile and say yes please or no thank you. Then get on with your life. Is he chatting to the cafe ladies while sitting with you or while wandering around?

otterlieriver · 22/07/2017 10:40

I do get that MrsDv

But I think it is ultimately a bit unfair to use a personal tragedy, even with a tenuous link to the OP, in an attempt to somehow 'shame' the OP into agreeing that comparatively there is no issue.

In your example, the individual concerned was clearly being unreasonable but I don't think this was what the OP meant.

ToastyFingers · 22/07/2017 10:45

I don't restrict sugar, ban foods or snap at members of the public.

Dd1 had a lot of issues when she was small, say 1-2 years-ish.
She wasn't able to chew solid food properly and often ended up choking or vomiting when presented with an unfamiliar food texture, she was also dairy free at one point, as part of an investigation into her digestive issues and sensory issues meant that at this age she was pretty much constantly on the verge of a meltdown if we had to venture outside.

The amount of times I had to wrestle biscuits, chocolate, sweets from her because people wanted to 'cheer her up' was unbelievable, either that or I'd have to turn around and go home because declining a 'treat' that had already been waved infront of her, or held out to her then retracted would result in instant meltdown.

Yes, some kids are fine to eat the occasional well meaning stranger treat, but for us, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this, it made an already difficult time much worse.

I won't forget all the times I walked home crying because I'd just wanted to go for a stroll, get out of the house for a bit, and someone had set DD off again by being pushy with food or physical contact.

TheFirstMrsDV · 22/07/2017 10:49

Otter
But I didn't do that did I? You can see from my other posts that I haven't attempted to shame her at all.
I thought I might be mistaken and that no one would be as crass as to reduce my story down to 'but children are dying'. I can see now I wasn't mistaken. That is exactly what you did.

You are trying to shame me into not talking about my experiences because they involve a dying child. My child.
You should be ashamed of yourself.

toosexyforyahshirt · 22/07/2017 10:50

It's so depressing that people react like this. It's people being nice to other people, its positive social interaction, its the goal, fgs!

I truly don't know how people can look around at how the world seems to be going and think that nice people in cafes giving a biscuit to a cute kid can be in anyway a bad thing. You can say no thanks, but there is nothing at all wrong with them for doing it.

otterlieriver · 22/07/2017 10:54

I am not trying to shame you at all.

I will acknowledge having re read your post that you say 'shall I tell you a story about' which I missed first time and thought you were just using as a comparison to OP, which I thought was unfair.

So sincere apologies for that.

I do think OP is reasonable though Smile

ShelaghTurner · 22/07/2017 10:54

I’m a bit pissed off about this. DD2 especially was the sort of baby that the elderly (the real elderly, not 60yos!) loved. I frequented M&S cafe a lot during her baby years and people were always chatting to her and smiling and telling me how gorgeous she was (big eyes, big smile etc). Not One Fecking Biscuit. Ever. Not Once. Angry I feel cheated.

knityourgobshut · 22/07/2017 10:58

Why are old ladies so exempt from criticism on this website....? According to mumsnet we should let them harass our children in public (different thread) and feed our kids whatever they like.

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