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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strangers giving my DC biscuits

123 replies

Bubbinsmakesthree · 22/07/2017 07:16

We (toddler, baby and me) frequent a cafe that is also popular with ladies in their 50s/60s who seem obsessed with offering my toddler biscuits.

Now I welcome the fact that they seem to be charmed by the toddler, and any day where he's happily chatting with a cafe lady whilst I feed the baby (rather than him badgering me, whining, throwing a tantrum or whatever) counts as a win. If he ends up eating biscuits then so be it.

But I am still a bit 'WTF?' that cafe ladies take it upon themselves to offer him biscuits either without asking me at all or only checking with me after they've waved it in front of his face (so I've got a choice of biscuit or tantrum).

Are the cafe ladies being U to feed him biscuits or am I being U to find their friendly gesture a bit annoying?

OP posts:
stressbucket1 · 22/07/2017 08:09

I agree with pinkdelight and notyoda it's lovely. I personally wouldn't mind. If it became a regular thing I would just count the cafe as treat time and restrict them at home. Having a baby and toddler is hard work though make sure you have a biscuit and a cuppa yourself too x

Toadinthehole · 22/07/2017 08:11

YANBU.

I used to hate well-meaning elderly ladies pushing junk on my kids.

I wouldn't have minded if it was once i a while, but it used to happen everywhere. Elderly lady = biscuit. Right at the time when they were getting a taste for fruit.

I always smiled and made the kids say thank-you, but the truth is that I was lying.

If any elderly ladies are reading this, remember we have an obesity epidemic on our hands and we are all responsible for ending it. Is your biscuit really necessary?

TheFirstMrsDV · 22/07/2017 08:12

Its nice.
I wouldn't do it because I know that parents don't always like it.

Shall I tell you a story about extreme biscuit preciousness?

Oh go on then.......We had a Special Day for my DD. She had a terminal diagnosis. Her cousins set up an AMAZING event with music and performers etc.
DD was very, very poorly. I was caring for her 24 hours at this point.
There was tons going on, noise, food, everyone pretty emotional etc.
This bloke I hardly knew sought me out, tapped me on the shoulder and proceeded to explain how upset and concerned he was that someone had given his three year old DD a biscuit. They didn't like her having junk food and sugar and he was sure I could understand why he was upset blah blah.

My child was dying.
His three year old was eating a biscuit.

So I suppose I feel that its fine to not want to give your kids lots of biscuits but there is no point in getting too upset about it.

TheFirstMrsDV · 22/07/2017 08:13

I used to hate well-meaning elderly ladies pushing junk on my kids

The OP is talking about women in their 50s and 60s.

borntobequiet · 22/07/2017 08:15

I am in my 60s and would never give a strange child a biscuit in a cafe, mainly because I avoid cafes with small children in them.

NotYoda · 22/07/2017 08:18

I wouldn't do it either but I recognise it as a kind gesture, which God knows, we need more of at present.

(I also avoid cafes with children in - the memory of my own is still too fresh...)

TheRandomBlues · 22/07/2017 08:18

It is out of order, they don't know if your DC has any allergies, my DS has A LOT of allergies some really life threatening and I get really snappy with these people (who then wrongly take offence) who offer him sweets and food when we're in a cafe (seems to happen a lot in M&S cafe!)

NotYoda · 22/07/2017 08:19

hahahaha at 50s and 60s being elderly - just you wait!

NotYoda · 22/07/2017 08:20

TheRandom

Ok I'll bite .... you wonder why people are upset if you 'snap' at them?

TheRandomBlues · 22/07/2017 08:23

NotYoda - sometimes it takes that snap for them to realise your serious.

A couple of times I've said no thanks politely and they've laughed it off as it's just a treat.

For my DS it could be the difference between life and death so yes I snap.

That's the point though, no-one has any idea about other people's life or health so don't feed other people's kids.

NotYoda · 22/07/2017 08:26

TheRandom

I see. That makes sense.

RidingMyBike · 22/07/2017 08:26

This keeps happening to me at some activities we do - older women offering biscuits. I've had to take to being quite firm about it and now just say 'we don't let her eat biscuits' otherwise they just do not get the message. It seemed to work - last time we went they were offering slices of melon instead! Wink

The same with squash - I had to point out to one that squash is totally unnecessary.

Toadinthehole · 22/07/2017 08:27

OK, not just elderly ladies. Some middle-aged ones too. Smile

Skittlesandbeer · 22/07/2017 08:28

I'd be a bit teeth-gritty myself over this. I restrict sugar to situations that suit our family, and our day as a whole. Random sugar hits mess with more than they solve. That said, I'd steer clear of cafes (and grannies) if it was important to me, since there's a 99% chance of it happening.

I used to get this just from going around our local shops. My dd had the shopkeepers all sussed. She'd get a slice of ham at this place, a green bean from the other, even a piece of pickled octopus from the Greek deli man! Those things were fine with me (and very touching). I did often have the experience, though, of turning to bag something and finding my small daughter with a large toffee apple or doughnut in hand. Not happy. Me, that is.

TheFirstMrsDV · 22/07/2017 08:40

I had to point out to one that squash is totally unnecessary
I bet they look forward to you turning up

NotYoda · 22/07/2017 08:49

I feel like an old gimmer for saying this, but here goes:

We were raised on a mixture of the "hearty fayre" (meat and two veg, fruit, milk) of our War era parents, crossed with a bit of crap - Findus crispy pancakes and the like, squash etc. My impression is that younger people are obsessed* with food - preparing it, eating it, photographing it, restricting it to an extent that once-a week squash is a worry.

And yet. Children are getting fatter. They are eating more sweets. Something's going badly wrong.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 22/07/2017 08:54

When DD was little. A box fell off a display and hurt / scraped her arm quite badly. That badly she needed first aid (staff member nearby saw it).

The very nice manager went and got her the most expensive ice cream they could find out the freezer and profusely apologised to me and her.

Never occurred to them to ask me if it was okay and I just thought it was rather sweet.

The cafe ladies sound lovely OP. It's a couple of biscuits. It's not going to lead down a dangerous path of childhood obesity consisting of kebab and chips.

RidingMyBike · 22/07/2017 08:55

Oh we're fighting squash battles - none of the mums want it provided, just the older ladies think the 'juice' is good for the kids?! Hmm

RidingMyBike · 22/07/2017 08:57

I was brought up drinking squash and now have lots of fillings. Also took ages to learn to like water. Do not want DD having this experience.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 22/07/2017 08:59

Fortunately I was always asked about DS as he had allergies. Fortunately biscuits were the first stage in reintroducing dairy to his diet, although in the early stages that had to be rationed.

It's very kind to offer, just ask the parent first and not in a way in front of the child that makes it very difficult to say no.

My DCs are at the stage of regularly coming home with sweets from school for birthdays etc. I've no issue with that, and think it's more useful to restrict them from being constantly accessible at home. There is such a thing as too much and I'm happy for them to get their fair proportion when out in society.

SquedgieBeckenheim · 22/07/2017 08:59

It's nice that people do this, and in my experience people offer the first time. I rarely turn it down for DD1, people like to treat little ones. As others have said food = love.
It will be a big issue for me though when DD2 is old enough for food as she has allergies.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 22/07/2017 09:01

I had to point out to one that squash is totally unnecessary

Ha. It was for my DS. It took us years to get him used to just water (ASD) As he suffered from recurrent water infections there was a time where it completely was necessary yo get fluids down him.

On the other hand. I have a friend who's child will only ever drink water or orange juice.

Children are weird sometimes , bit like us adults who prefer tea over coffee or vice versa. Wink

AwaywiththePixies27 · 22/07/2017 09:02

TheFirstMrsDV bless you and that silly man. Some people are just completely unthinking and arseholes Flowers

TheFirstMrsDV · 22/07/2017 09:04

older ladies think the 'juice' is good for the kids?!
More ageism on MN what a surprise.

Its squash. Don't put it in a bottle, don't give it to your kids exclusively, it won't kill them.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 22/07/2017 09:11

older ladies think that 'juice' is good for the kids

It's not exactly cyonide is it? Calm down.

If it was that bad why do hospitals offer it to children in A&E and at clinic appointments.

< writes strongly worded letter to my DDs hospital who have done an excellent job ot looking after her but the squash is the last straw>

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