To be a little annoyed my inlaws are decorating my house?
IbizaLovesSundays · 21/07/2017 00:01
My DH and I have just bought our first home together. A small 3 bed mid terrace and there is quite a bit of work to do on it to spruce it up and update the decor (think floral carpets and textured wallpaper) I've stripped the walls and the floors right back and DHs parents want to come and help paint and decorate as they are retired and like to spend time with their DS.
This is completely lovely and we have been able to do so much more in such a short space of time than if they hadn't offered to help, but last week my MIL came back with curtains for some of the rooms that she had picked up at a very good price. They aren't awful but just aren't really to my taste, but she doesn't really see why I would want something else. I have had Pinterest boards for years gathering up ideas for rooms in the house and whilst I appreciate the kindness and the sheer amount of work they have done to help us, aibu to be a bit annoyed that I'm not getting to decorate my house the way I want it?
DH kinda sides with his mum as he doesn't see the point in spending lots of money on curtains when these ones will do for now.
pynk · 21/07/2017 00:07
Aww that sounds lovely of her but I completely understand that you want to chose your own curtains. If you tell her that you appreciate the gesture but you want to chose your own curtains what would she say? If she says 'no worries I can easily take them back' then YWBU to be annoyed.
It's tricky if your DH is happy with the curtains.
DileenODoubts · 21/07/2017 00:11
Yanbu, similar thing happened to me - mil 'helpfully' picked a few things up cheaply for our new house and as we were spending loads DH thought why spend more now we have these.
Ended up with mil bringing something every time she came over and the house was full of her choices. I couldn't stand it and when we did get our own stuff, getting rid of hers was an extra hassle anyway. I really regret not saying something the first time she brought anything.
If you want to keep the peace, accept the curtains with gratitude but let her know (nicely) that's the last thing she chooses
BogQueens · 21/07/2017 00:13
The one thing I have learned is never to accept anything 'because it'll do for now', unless there's abslolutely no alternative (e.g. the people on the top deck of the number six bus regularly wave at you through your uncurtained window as you stagger around with one leg in your pants at 7 am.) You'll still have those bloody curtains or the stopgap leopard-print stair runner in 20 years' time.
IbizaLovesSundays · 21/07/2017 00:15
She would say 'it's no problem I can easily take them back' but I know that her feelings would be hurt and she's quite sensitive. They really are such lovely people and they do so much for us and their DS but there comes a point where you have to let your children do their own things. I am perfectly capable of hanging a shelf and changing a light fixture but they treat us as if it would be a big job for us and they could just do it. They even suggested we go on holiday while they painted the house!! I mean it's so kind of them, but I just want to be able to go into a room in my house, that I bought with my hard earned money and see the hard work that I put in and be proud- but they won't let us do any hard work!!
Fishface77 · 21/07/2017 00:19
Just say to them that's so lovely of you and we really appreciate it but I've got my heart set on decorating the house a certain way and they are lovely but they won't go.
What's the worst she'll say?
And if she's hurt, that's a shame but tough.
Deal with it now or your house will be full of her choices.
IbizaLovesSundays · 21/07/2017 00:26
Thanks for all the helpful comments so far. Think I will accept the curtains for the rooms we can't quite afford to do yet and then say I really want to chose my own for the living room and bedroom.
They have offered us furniture and China but I was able to look at them and decline (really old fashioned) and say that i didn't think that they would go with the style I had in mind and they accepted that. But they are the kind of people that don't really care what looks good, as long as it works and does the job it's fine. They are still wearing clothes from 20 years ago, and while that's totally fine, I like minimal and modern with sleek lines- so we don't quite have the same tastes. I think they think I'm mad, spending money on stuff they have and could just give us, but hey ho!
RiseToday · 21/07/2017 00:33
Christ, sounds like my inlaws.
They too have been trying to palm off various pieces of hideously old fashioned furniture for years. I just say no thank you, it's not to my taste.
They also wear clothes that are 30+ yrs old. Nothing is ever thrown away, I remember once I was using a travel hairdryer belonging to MIL that was definitely from the 80's and it blew up in my hands. FIL refused to throw it away saying he could fix it ffs
TheMaddHugger · 21/07/2017 00:44
I'm going against the grain here...........
being 'Upset' and 'tears' in this context isn't nice. It's a way to get the desired result for her.
Suggesting you all go on holiday while they paint Your First ever bought by your own money Home ?????
I am wondering if their own parents did the same and now your In Laws are trying to get a Do over [vibe]
Regardless the outcome is the same. You want to decorate your own home. They are taking over.
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/07/2017 00:44
I would find that too over-bearing, and have pretty much had to say as much to my MIL in the past (Yes, couched in much politer terms than that!)
Just pre-empt any further offerings by saying you already have it all planned and picked out, but their help with the actual painting/hanging etc. is much appreciated.
I came back from a holiday with the DC one year to find the most godawful fugly toilet roll holder (a hanging thing that holds 3 rolls, with fake bamboo handle) in my bathroom. That went straight away! Awful thing It was Never Mentioned Again.
LoupGarou · 21/07/2017 00:54
With the curtains could you buy tablecloths from the charity shop or small amounts of fabric and sew along the top so that you are still using the tab/hole/gather bit, but the main body of the curtain is covered up with your choice of fabric?
Its dead easy and cheap to do and if you make the top layer of fabric a teeny bit smaller width wise (by about a cm on either side of the width iyswim) it gives quite a pretty double layered effect. You could always bill it that way, kind of "oh they are lovely but l had this great idea..."
YANBU though, your home is your castle.
AnnieAnoniMouse · 21/07/2017 01:36
Don't accept them. Politely, but firmly, put your foot down now. It might upset her a bit, but it'll be far worse in the long run if resentment builds & you erupt at her one day down the line.
Start as you mean to go on, this is YOUR house. Get the key back too, if she has one.
Get Mammy's boy told too. If he likes being married to you, best he understands that he needs to grow up.
emmyrose2000 · 21/07/2017 03:02
It's not their home. They have zero right to impose their decorating tastes on you. Stand your ground now. And tell your husband to grow a pair and tell his parents 'no'.
Hand back the curtains and tell "thanks, but we've got the curtains and everything else sorted out, so please don't buy us anything else as we won't be able to use it".
Aquamarine1029 · 21/07/2017 05:15
It's not your problem or responsibility that she is very "sensitive." I can promise you she wouldn't want someone else decorating HER house. Believe me, this is an excellent time to draw some boundaries. This is YOUR house, not hers. She needs to learn her place.
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