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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to use my DC's money for this?

83 replies

mychildhasmoremoneythanme · 19/07/2017 12:53

Posting mainly for advice and traffic!

DD(6) is not much of a spender (relevant) and gets £3 pocket money per week. We went to the shops today and she had £15 saved up! When she does spend she buys mostly cheap crap, maybe a magazine, some sweets or occasionally a bigger toy.

(1) Her dad gave her £30 in April for a holiday and she didn't spend it so with his agreement I bought her a new suitcase for her which was £39. He's now given her £20 for another holiday which she hasn't spent. WIBU to take £9 from it towards the rest of the suitcase and put the rest in her savings? She hasn't spent it as she's had her pocket money saved to spend.

(2) She's shortly going on holiday with her Dad and I was going to send her with her normal pocket money converted to local currency for the duration of the trip. Is that reasonable or a bit tight?

Before I get flamed for being tight having mentioned going on holiday twice so far this year, both have been cheap trips paid for by family members as I am on maternity leave and we wouldn't have gone otherwise! Wink

Thanks!

OP posts:
PolarBearGoingSomewhere · 19/07/2017 12:56

I wouldn't take the £9 off her for a suitcase bought and used in April.

The £20 could all go in her savings or half of it kept to spend on the holiday with her dad.

Becca83 · 19/07/2017 12:57

Why is a 6 year old having to buy her own suitcase? I think that's pretty mean.

alibongo5 · 19/07/2017 12:59

YANBU. I never gave my kids specific spending money for holidays. I don't know what a 6 year old would spend it on that I wouldn't buy for them anyway. For a day out say to a zoo or something I might tell them they could buy one thing for £x but that's all.

So I wouldn't expect a 6 year old to have any money with them for a holiday with either parent.

dementedpixie · 19/07/2017 13:00

Should the suitcase not have been bought with her agreement rather than his? What a miserable present for her...a suitcase!

Katedotness1963 · 19/07/2017 13:02

Stop taking her money. If she's not spending it open a savings account for her.

jay55 · 19/07/2017 13:03

On holiday with her dad, he should provide the spending money.

DonutCone · 19/07/2017 13:04

It s so wierd you would try and take £9 off a 6 year old for something you bought in April. Sorry, she bought. Do you normally resent every penny you spend on her?

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 19/07/2017 13:06

It's stingy from my point of view. Just forget the £9 and open up a savings account. Encourage her to save £2 from the £3 she gets and put unspent holiday money in.

ScarlettDarling · 19/07/2017 13:07

Was the case a Trunki or something similar which she really wanted, or was it a bog standard case? If it was the Trunki type I could understand buying it with her money, but if it's a normal case, then I think it's a bit odd.

If her dad is sending her with £20 spends when you take her on holiday, I'd be tempted to send the same when he takes her away.

Jenala · 19/07/2017 13:08

I agree. If she doesn't spend it, stick in savings. Taking the £9 is most definitely unreasonable.
I'm not totally against buying something she needs e.g. the suitcase if money is tight, but taking the £9 is going a bit far imo - it's not like you are currently short of money as a result of buying the suitcase Hmm

Original poster
mychildhasmoremoneythanme · 19/07/2017 13:09

Sorry - didn't buy it in April. Bought last week for her forthcoming holidays.

I don't think a suitcase is a mean present - took her to the shops, she chose the one she wanted and she's been pestering me for a wheelie one for years! I appreciate not all 6 year olds would like a suitcase but this is my DD that asked for a torch for Christmas last year Grin

OP posts:
Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 19/07/2017 13:10

I put my childrens unspent money into their savings accounts even a few pounds here and there soon adds up

araiwa · 19/07/2017 13:10

You sound really tight

ChopinLisztFinder · 19/07/2017 13:11

YABU. You're penalising a child for saving money.

You're teaching her to spend it or lose it, which is a terrible long term plan. It's also teaching her that she has no rights over her own property. I'd feel pretty insecure if I were her.

Lilmisskittykat · 19/07/2017 13:11

Gosh that seems really mean.

I understand at that age they waste money on what we see as rubbish but if they have saved it / not spent it maybe buy her a piggy bank and encourage her to save

Original poster
mychildhasmoremoneythanme · 19/07/2017 13:12

You sound really tight thank you

I concede on the suitcase.

What about the holiday money? Just normal pocket money?

OP posts:
AndNowItIsSeven · 19/07/2017 13:14

Even with the explanation the suitcase is mean, it's really not a present.

FunnysInLaJardin · 19/07/2017 13:14

I agree not to take the £9 off her. It really doesn't matter whether she spends the money she has. Its her money.

We are giving our DS's who are 7 and 11 £60 each in euros for their holiday spending money for a 2 week trip to France. They are supposed to use that for treats etc but we usually end up paying for those too.

They don't have pocket money as such as they always forget to ask for it and we forget to give it to them!

SavoyCabbage · 19/07/2017 13:15

Put her money in the bank until she does know what she wants to spend it on! I'm sure she enjoyed choosing a suitcase but I agree with the others she shouldn't be paying for her own suitcase at six years old.

The point of having pocket money is that you learn about having money and how to save up for things. All she has learnt is that if she doesn't spend her money straight away it will be spent for her.

Either save it or take her to Build a Bear or similar.

Original poster
mychildhasmoremoneythanme · 19/07/2017 13:17

Chopin - I don't think so. Her normal pocket money she saves and spends it when she wants something. She bought a bigger toy for £10 today! I didn't take her money. The holiday money is very different and she wanted the new suitcase - I mentioned he agreed in case he expected her to spend £20 on a week's holiday on stuff above on top of her normal pocket money.

OP posts:
Becca83 · 19/07/2017 13:17

I would give her more than her usual pocket money so she can buy herself a nice souvenir. She might also want to buy a small gift for a friend?
Glad you are conceding on the suitcase, it really was very tight, whether she wanted the case or not. Actually shocked you would have considered taking the other £9.00

AndNowItIsSeven · 19/07/2017 13:20

But on a holiday children do spend normal pocket money plus holiday money.

NoMoreDecorating · 19/07/2017 13:24

mychild My DS (5, 6 in a couple of weeks) also asked for a torch for christmas Grin for his birthday he wants glow in the dark stars for his ceiling, that's it Shock

If your DD is happy with a suitcase as a present then ignore everyone else! I'd just send normal pocket money converted into local currency if she's not a big spender, after all what else is pocket money for if not for DC to spend on themselves Flowers

Original poster
mychildhasmoremoneythanme · 19/07/2017 13:25

I am quite tight but I'm also on maternity leave and her Dad is in a much better position to pay for these extra things and he doesn't mind, he's very kind and generous. Would it have been an issue if I'd asked him to buy her a new suitcase instead of giving her holiday money? She had one already, it's not like she was going away with her stuff in a carrier bag!

OP posts:
YetAnotherSpartacus · 19/07/2017 13:26

I used to get things like cases (I remember an overnight bag in 70s brown), clothes, school bags, pencil cases etc. as presents must have been oppressed but didn't notice.