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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to use my DC's money for this?

83 replies

mychildhasmoremoneythanme · 19/07/2017 12:53

Posting mainly for advice and traffic!

DD(6) is not much of a spender (relevant) and gets £3 pocket money per week. We went to the shops today and she had £15 saved up! When she does spend she buys mostly cheap crap, maybe a magazine, some sweets or occasionally a bigger toy.

(1) Her dad gave her £30 in April for a holiday and she didn't spend it so with his agreement I bought her a new suitcase for her which was £39. He's now given her £20 for another holiday which she hasn't spent. WIBU to take £9 from it towards the rest of the suitcase and put the rest in her savings? She hasn't spent it as she's had her pocket money saved to spend.

(2) She's shortly going on holiday with her Dad and I was going to send her with her normal pocket money converted to local currency for the duration of the trip. Is that reasonable or a bit tight?

Before I get flamed for being tight having mentioned going on holiday twice so far this year, both have been cheap trips paid for by family members as I am on maternity leave and we wouldn't have gone otherwise!

Thanks!

OP posts:

HotelEuphoria · 19/07/2017 13:29

Personally I would never have used DCs savings or spending money to buy a suitcase. What next? Buy their own shoes, underwear, school uniform?

YABU sorry.

lionsleepstonight · 19/07/2017 13:29

I think you should give her some 'spends' say £20.

I would also have paid for the suitcase myself. Pocket money and birthday money is for treats, not essentials.

A suitcase is an essential.

Are you so hard up that £9 would mean having electricity or not?

If you don't need it for basic household essentials then you are BVVU.

AdoraBell · 19/07/2017 13:30

Sounds like my DH. He used the pocket money MIL sent for DDs to buy their birthday and Christmas presents. MIL was not pleased when she found out. She now sends it to my account, so that they actually get their pocket money.

In short, YABU. She is a child and her parents are responsible for providing what is needed. If that that's a suitcase for a holiday, that the child didn't book, then the parents pay for it.

Goingtobeawesome · 19/07/2017 13:30

Seems like she's penalised for saving by having to buy her own suitcase.

Sgtmajormummy · 19/07/2017 13:32

A suitcase certainly is a present, there are some really chic ones around for 6yos. Plus she'd been asking for one.

Agree with PP that the extra £9 shouldn't be taken from DD. Your side of the family will get plenty of use from the suitcase too, and a child shouldn't have to pay for their own present.

I'd send her on holiday with ordinary pocket meney from you plus whatever she's saved. The people she's with will, I hope, pay for treats while she's with them.

ALittleMop · 19/07/2017 13:33

I think its fine for her to have picked and paid for her own suitcase - or chipped in using money she had for the holiday. But it would be mean to expect her to pay you back the extra £9.

I think its totally fine to give her her usual pocket money in currency. Maybe plus the £9?

Ellisandra · 19/07/2017 13:33

Your follow up post about a wheelie case that she wanted is relevant.
In your OP I couldn't believe that you spent her money on a suitcase!

If my child had a suitcase but wanted a special new one, yes I'd expect her to pay for it - it's more like getting a toy.

If I was getting one anyway at a lower cost, then I'd get her to pay the difference.

I think holiday money is nice at that age - they really enjoy it, not from (only!) a money point of view, but feeling grown up. My daughter loves to buy a round of ice creams with "her money"

It also helps to rein in the tat... plenty of stuff my daughter wants until I say yes, but from your pocket! But it really needn't be a lot - I'd give my 8yo child £10 tops, and not feel mean if it was £5, when she's going away with her dad.

If money is tight - it's absolutely fine not to set up a habit of holiday money when she's with the other parent.

Original poster

mychildhasmoremoneythanme · 19/07/2017 13:35

She didn't need the suitcase though so wasn't a holiday essential - the one she had was fine but she wanted better wheels

AdoraBell wow that's too far even for me!

How old does she have to be to have a basic bank account? Stuff like GoHenry charges. She has birthday and Christmas money paid straight into her ISA by some family members.

OP posts:

plantsitter · 19/07/2017 13:35

People are being weird about the suitcase. I think going to the shops to choose a nice wheely suitcase is something she will remember as a treat. Kids just get anything they want these days. I am guilty of just buying my kids stuff because they want/ sort of need it. I think your way is better and frankly surely the way of the future.

As she is not much of a spender I don't think you should worry too much about how much you give her unless she has brothers/sisters who spend spend spend and still get the extra money. That would be a bad lesson. Otherwise, do as you see fit I reckon!

DonaldStott · 19/07/2017 13:35

Wow. You sound so tight. Making a child spend holiday money on a suitcase. Yes, she may have wanted it. My dd wanted a new outfit for the school disco. I didn't raid her piggy bank!!!!

ALittleMop · 19/07/2017 13:35

A suitcase is an essential.
No it isn't. Not for a 6 year old. Not a fancy one they get to pick.
When we go on holiday, for instance all 5 of us lob our stuff in together.

DonaldStott · 19/07/2017 13:37

I think going to the shops to choose a nice wheely suitcase is something she will remember as a treat

Then she will remember being 6 and having to pay for it with her own money!!! She's 6!!!!!!!!

ALittleMop · 19/07/2017 13:38

My dd wanted a new outfit for the school disco. I didn't raid her piggy bank!!!!
that's fine if you can afford it. OP has said she's not rolling in it atm. If you couldn't have afforded it would you have allowed your dd to use her own money, if she wished?

ALittleMop · 19/07/2017 13:40

She's 6 (!!!!) and doesn't need or know the value of money, really.

My kids have always been pleased and proud when they have got to choose and pay for something they want but which we wouldn't have - necessarily - got them

ChopinLisztFinder · 19/07/2017 13:40

Nice drip feed about the case being something she wanted.

MatildaTheCat · 19/07/2017 13:41

Send herewith some spending money. It sounds as if she will bring it back anyway! Open her some form of savings account ( even if it's a pretend one with a pretend savings book made by you) and let her enjoy watching her savings grow.

However do encourage her to use her money for fun stuff as well or she might grow up with an unpleasantly tight attitude to money and that's never a good look.

Original poster

mychildhasmoremoneythanme · 19/07/2017 13:44

Nice drip feed about the case being something she wanted.

More drip feeding probably but she didn't actually pay with her own money either. He gave me £30, when she didn't spend it I put it in my account for safekeeping and when we bought the suitcase I used my debit card. Really picking apart the semantics here!!

OP posts:

Original poster

mychildhasmoremoneythanme · 19/07/2017 13:48

plantsitter thanks for your advice. We try and be fair as she gets the same pocket money as DSD who gets similarly top ups from her other family and it all gets spent. It's hard trying to encourage one to save more and one to spend more!

OP posts:

Ellisandra · 19/07/2017 13:50

She can have an account with you as trustee at any age - but she won't have a card with it.

From what I could see, cards on bank accounts only starts at 11. We have a goHenry card instead, just so my daughter (8) can use a card. I like the other features too - like savings goals - not bothered about chores as I don't believe in paying for what she should be doing as part of the household anyway! I do have to pay for that - not worth it to many but I'm OK with it.

dementedpixie · 19/07/2017 13:50

You can get a bank account from any age but it will be a savings account. You can get an account with debit card from age 11

user1493413286 · 19/07/2017 13:52

Putting the suitcase issue aside as I think that's been commented on enough, I'd say that giving her normal pocket money for the holiday is fair enough. It's nice of her dad to give more when she goes on holiday but if you don't have it or it'd make it tight then don't worry about it.
I wouldn't take the £9 tho as I think it's fair enough you put that much towards it.
Loads of banks like Santander do mini current accounts from birth that children (through an adult) can put money in and take money out or just have a little piggy bank for her to put her money in and she can count it and watch it grow. If she saved a lot you could always then put it in a bank account.

TinselTwins · 19/07/2017 13:53

A suitcase isn't a shit present!

I got a shiney purple suitcase (solid plastic one) that I LOVED from someone when I was a kid!

Kids don't just like "toys", they like chosing their own more practical grown up items too!

gybegirl · 19/07/2017 13:54

Why is getting a suitcase a child wanted any different from getting a doll a child wanted ?
I'd have a little jar in her room with maybe a fiver in it, in case she thinks of something she wants. The rest in a savings account (including the £9 as that wasn't the original deal).

Justgivemesomepeace · 19/07/2017 14:01

I have always given my dd about £20 spends when she goes away with her dad. She likes buying those tat bracelets things and comes back with a bunch for her friends. She likes to get me a fridge magnet !? He sends her spends when we take her on him, then he gets a fridge magnet.

Justgivemesomepeace · 19/07/2017 14:02

Hol not him

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