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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to use my DC's money for this?

83 replies

mychildhasmoremoneythanme · 19/07/2017 12:53

Posting mainly for advice and traffic!

DD(6) is not much of a spender (relevant) and gets £3 pocket money per week. We went to the shops today and she had £15 saved up! When she does spend she buys mostly cheap crap, maybe a magazine, some sweets or occasionally a bigger toy.

(1) Her dad gave her £30 in April for a holiday and she didn't spend it so with his agreement I bought her a new suitcase for her which was £39. He's now given her £20 for another holiday which she hasn't spent. WIBU to take £9 from it towards the rest of the suitcase and put the rest in her savings? She hasn't spent it as she's had her pocket money saved to spend.

(2) She's shortly going on holiday with her Dad and I was going to send her with her normal pocket money converted to local currency for the duration of the trip. Is that reasonable or a bit tight?

Before I get flamed for being tight having mentioned going on holiday twice so far this year, both have been cheap trips paid for by family members as I am on maternity leave and we wouldn't have gone otherwise! Wink

Thanks!

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 19/07/2017 14:09

You must be joking?

user1489675144 · 19/07/2017 14:13

Wow a 6 year old has to buy her own suitcase...

Put it in her savings account it isn't for you for spending as a parent you should find... try the save money sites - you will be surprise at how much money you probably waste and do not realise it - do that first before raiding your daughters money for suitcases!

RebelandaStunner · 19/07/2017 14:15

I wonder why isn't she spending her holiday money? Is she afraid of being judged by you, spending money on what you think is crap?
What do you think 6 year olds should buy? Sensible purchases?
I think you are instilling some odd money habits.

plantsitter · 19/07/2017 14:19

She's not making her buy her own food for god's sake. The six year old wanted a new wheelie suitcase! If my daughter, who has a perfectly serviceable travel bag, wanted a suitcase with wheels I might well suggest she used her pocket money for it. That would give her the added bonus of me not being allowed to object on the grounds of hideousness.

OliviaBenson · 19/07/2017 14:20

You are being tight about the suitable but I think you know that by now!

If her holiday is with her dad then I would just give her the usual pocket money. Her dad can sort the rest. Would her dad give her money to take on a holiday with you and your DP? I'm guessing not!

Treesinbloom · 19/07/2017 14:22

It's hardly surprising that she isn't spending her holiday money if she doesn't actually have it in her hand - it's just in your account.

My boys (3 and 5) have a purse each which we put some of the money from their piggy bank in. They love paying for things from it (so far things like rides at the local fair).

Their piggy banks fill up fairly quickly (thanks MIL) so every so often I'll take some out and put it in their savings account. I'll start explaining to them why soon, once they can count the money!

2014newme · 19/07/2017 14:22

Put the money in the bank when she is older she will want more expensive things I assure you! £3 is,a lot for a six year old.

Original poster
mychildhasmoremoneythanme · 19/07/2017 14:33

Treesinbloom this is what I wrote:

He gave me £30, when she didn't spend it I put it in my account for safekeeping and when we bought the suitcase I used my debit card.

He gave me the money, I gave her the money, she didn't spend it, I paid it into my account when we got home in April and then used it last week. If I'd left it with her there would be another thread saying 'AIBU not to replace the £30 my DD lost' and I'd be told IABU for leaving that amount of money with a 6yo

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 19/07/2017 14:44

If you can send her with the £20, more than enough for a child to buy herself a gift on holiday, as her daddy will buy her treats and things.

Good buy on the suitcase she will love it as can take it on weekends to her daddy;s with her toys and clothing in.

Tean1 · 19/07/2017 14:49

YANBU some children would rather have more practical items, rather than loads of toys, that's great we are all different.

I would put the £20 into a savings account and involve her in the process, so she learns the benefits of saving. She could put some of her pocket money in each week, and then she is rewarded for not being a spend thrift. If she's already got pocket money saved up, then changing it into currency she can spend on holiday makes sense. Again I would try and make a positive fuss, take her to the post office to change it and say how good she has been saving it up to spend on her holiday.

She sounds like a lovely little girl who is growing up understanding that money can be used for lots of different things, or can be saved for later. It's also good that you and her Dad have a good relationship and can talk about these things too.

SleightOfHand · 19/07/2017 14:51

OP, I think you really need to up your game in the generosity stakes, this is nasty tight.

Tilapia · 19/07/2017 14:53

I think £3 pocket money sounds like a lot for a 6yo. They don't have much to buy at that age. Maybe reduce it to stop this happening again in future?

I don't think you sound tight OP.

SleightOfHand · 19/07/2017 14:53

Ps, I'm saying this as someone that seriously watches the pennies but never with family.

Original poster
mychildhasmoremoneythanme · 19/07/2017 15:11

Tilapia - it's 50p per year of age and due to blended family situations with varying incomes, we've all agreed this is fair and reasonable for all the children

OP posts:
Gazelda · 19/07/2017 15:13

Does she not have a piggy bank you could have put the £30 in?
While I understand why she gets £3 per week (prob more than her peers and certainly more than my DD had at 6yo), she seems to have zero control over it, so the opportunity to learn money skills is lost.

Original poster
mychildhasmoremoneythanme · 19/07/2017 15:19

Errrr define 'zero control'?!

Is it not clear the pocket money and holiday money are separate things? She gets weekly pocket money she keeps in her room and chooses as and when she wishes to spend it on whatever she wants (cheap crap, magazine, sweets, etc. as in OP)

OP posts:
user1498911470 · 19/07/2017 15:30

Give her the £20 in local currency .

daisypond · 19/07/2017 15:31

I don't think you sound tight. My DC all got suitcases as presents one Christmas - from their grandma - and they loved them, and still use them. £3 sounds quite a lot for a six-year-old. What is she meant to do with it?

rolopolovolo · 19/07/2017 15:31

You're teaching her poor financial sense. She'll learn to spend money before cheap mummy finds an excuse takes it back. I hate cheap people. And it's terrible parenting.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 19/07/2017 15:34

Really, yeah, YABU. So DSD gets money and spends it all and DD gets money and saves it, so you spend it for her. You're teaching her a lesson there, not a good one. In a couple of years if you're still doing this she will have learnt to spend any money she gets asap on any old shite before it gets taken off her.

RhubardGin · 19/07/2017 15:39

I'm confused as to why a 6 year old is being given so much money?

DD(6) is not much of a spender she's 6, not 16!

I know I've probably missed the entire point of the thread but I just find it a bit bizarre.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/07/2017 15:42

YANBU to have bought the case with her money. She had a perfectly functioning case and wanted a different one. No one would think you unreasonable if you'd replaced the case scenario with another handbag or purse or pair of party shoes etc.

My dd loves smiggle for example. For her birthday, we gave her several things from there including a new rucksack and water bottle. She already had both a rucksack and water bottle from smiggle and didn't need new ones. But that's what she wanted. She was thrilled. Dd is even thinking about buying a coat for the the dog with some of her birthday money. I'm trying to dissuade her because the dog doesn't need a coat but if that's what she eventually chooses, this will be her choice.

If you can afford to give your dd extra money, great. If not, could you save the next few weeks money together in a jar and send her with that?

Tofutti · 19/07/2017 15:42

The suitcase definitely counts as a treat. No way would I have got a £39 suitcase as a 6yo.

Fine to use DD's money for it. And it is DD's money, regardless if the debit card used to pay for it.

Gazelda · 19/07/2017 16:41

Errrr define 'zero control'?!
*
Is it not clear the pocket money and holiday money are separate things? She gets weekly pocket money she keeps in her room and chooses as and when she wishes to spend it on whatever she wants (cheap crap, magazine, sweets, etc. as in OP)*

Blush Sorry OP, you're right. You made it very clear that she can spend her pocket money how she likes. But it's the money she doesn't spend straight away that she doesn't seem to have control over.

We all manage situations differently, but our DD puts all her money in a piggy bank in her room. She enjoys spending it on crap, but equally she enjoys seeing it building up to buy herself and expensive treat (e.g. Heelies, a DVD etc) or take it to the bank and put it into her savings account. I think that I would struggle if she wanted to spend it on a suitcase, but you say she's been hankering for one for ages. So I guess it's something she wants and should be able to spend her money on it.

The extra £9 seems very unfair. I remember having school shoes and bags for Christmas presents when I was growing up (not through dire financial straits) I still resent it. I think it's this element that made me say she has zero control. I apologise.

As for holiday spending money, could you give her half of the the £20, her £3 pocket money and the £5 she's got leftover from buying the toy today. Take her to the bank to pay the other £10 into her ISA account.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 19/07/2017 16:49

I think it's very mean to use holiday spending money on a suitcase regardless of letting her choose it. If she needed one, it should have been down to you to buy.

For holidays, they gave extra spending money on top of pocket money.