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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to find Local people rather like Edward and Tubbs (League of Gentlemen)

90 replies

ItsALocalPlaceForLocalPeople · 19/07/2017 09:20

When I was 8 my family moved up north. I started school and was immediately singled out by the majority of classmates for being 'posh' ie I had an accent that was from elsewhere in the country.

When I started work the question asked about anyone new starting 'are they local?'. And had many conversations starting with 'you know Joe's aunt's, cousin's, sisters, dogs girlfriend's budgie?' 'No, I'm not local remember'...'oh yes'...turns to cleaner 'you know....' 'oh yes!' .

Moved place again before dc was born. When dc started preschool, all the localism cropped up again, with my now ex husband joining in with who's local children we should compare our local child to (and attempting to get some sort of competition going to impress other parents). The parents were the queen bee's from the school he went to.

I have realised over time at school, there is a small group of Local friends (all went to same secondary school), who also are governors at school or work in reception or have siblings working at the school, New people from outside the area who are wannabes and are friendly with them, and spread gossip to them, then further out folk who are Local, and accept the norm's and standards of the Local friends behaviour and their children's behaviour, without a mummer, and are also accepted to chat to the Local friends group as they are.....Local.

I really have grown up with a chip on my shoulder about it all. I have never been local. I left my place of birth when I was a year old. So never had that feeling of belonging in a community. Never had multiple family members in my community.

I personally find, some, not all rather narrow minded...I'm guessing because they have never left the place they were born, or their parents, or their parents parents? Should add I clash with the majority view as I am vegetarian (farmers and hunters around here, or its seen as 'natural' by those who don't do either), and the Locals struggle with the fact I don't eat meat (no I don't make a song and a dance about it, I am very laid back, I only mention it if someone is going to prepare food). I spend time with my children (Local parents seem to put their children into many competitive clubs to compete against each other at an early age, also leave them with their mother's, frequently) and I have a different gentler parenting philosophy (not to the point of no discipline!). I think moving around, and being rejected by Local people for being different to their social norms, has made me grow up open minded and generally tolerant of other's being different to me, so long as they respect the fact that I have the right to be different to them.

To sum up, I just bloody resent the sheer narrow mindedness and constant rejection, for the crime of being a) not Local b) different. I do have friends who are Local, and are genuinely lovely, accepting, human beings. But I have just met so much Localism since I moved up here as a child, it bloody grates on my nerves!

Back to the title, when The League of Gentlemen came out I was bloody delighted to see Edward and Tubbs, as it demonstrated (with exaggeration!) what I had experienced, Locally.

Does anyone else experience Localism? How does it make you feel? How do you deal with it?

OP posts:
CruCru · 19/07/2017 09:27

This is an interesting post. I am left rather wondering where you are living.

ItsALocalPlaceForLocalPeople · 19/07/2017 09:30

Royston Vasey...

OP posts:
ItsALocalPlaceForLocalPeople · 19/07/2017 09:32

Sorry, that's what if feels like. Yorkshire.

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 19/07/2017 09:37

Living in a big city has its disadvantages, but I never have to put up with this shit. I'm not a local here and nor is anyone else I meet. I'd seriously consider moving somewhere bigger and less parochial. Flowers

OfaFrenchmind2 · 19/07/2017 09:43

Or maybe it is not them, it is you.

ellenripleysbiceps · 19/07/2017 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ellenripleysbiceps · 19/07/2017 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AfunaMbatata · 19/07/2017 09:48

I know exactly what you mean! Some places I've lived the people are just bizarre and certainly remind me of Royston Vasey!

Notmyrealname85 · 19/07/2017 09:52

Thing is... to a newcomer you'll look very much like a local! It's all relative - you don't feel local compared to the old timers but actually if a newbie came along you'd probably be rolling your eyes at their new ways :)

HottySnanky · 19/07/2017 09:53

Hello hello, what's all this trouble? We'll have no shouting here.

bananamonkey · 19/07/2017 09:59

We didn't burn him!

Sorry no advice that's just my favourite Edward and Tubbs bit

Ecclesiastes · 19/07/2017 10:01

I really have grown up with a chip on my shoulder about it all. I have never been local. I left my place of birth when I was a year old. So never had that feeling of belonging in a community. Never had multiple family members in my community.

vs

I personally find, some, not all rather narrow minded...I'm guessing because they have never left the place they were born

Which is it OP? Do you want to be 'local' or not? Sounds to me like you yearn for acceptance in a community, mourn for the roots you were never able to establish, and fear a lack of authenticity, and to cope with this you take to sneering at people who have what you never can.

Don't ask me what the answer is, mind. I'm 'local' to my fingertips and thus far too narrow-minded, bigoted and thick to advise.

sashh · 19/07/2017 10:03

Where I live the local Newspaper's tag line is,'Local news for Local people' - makes me think of Royston Vasey every time.

OP

I know what you mean, I've lived in several places and some of them do have the, 'you are not local until you are the third generation born here'.

But in Yorkshire, well you are living in God's own county and although it isn't your fault you were not born there it is not something that can be just overlooked.

Nettletheelf · 19/07/2017 10:03

Before I even read your second post I concluded, "she lives in North Yorkshire". Am I right? I bet I could even put forward a shortlist of towns!

I think you just need to make yourself care less. I feel a bit sorry for people who have never experienced life outside the town or village they grew up in and have never made different friends.

I was quite late to the League of Gentlemen party, but when I saw it I could recognise the stereotypes. There are people like that in market towns everywhere.

I am entertained by the concept of accepting local norms and standards "without a mummer". One should never do any kind of accepting without somebody dressed in a hooded white robe and carrying a stick (I know it's a typo, but it's funny!)

redexpat · 19/07/2017 10:17

I know what you mean. It is annoying, but Ive just stopped caring what locals think of me and Ive never been happier. I'm forrin. I just expect to be not included and then if I am its a pleasant surprise, but that has happened much more after I stopped giving a shit.

Witsender · 19/07/2017 10:18

Dunno, I have never encountered this. Grew up in Kent, but in an area with lots of 'outsiders' (Whitstable) so there weren't locals per se. Moved around a bit, now on Isle of Wight which apparently is bad for this but again, have never encountered this.

LakieLady · 19/07/2017 10:30

Get yourself one of these, OP:

www.redmolotov.com/catalogue/tshirts/all/yorkshire-right-wrong-tshirt.html

StripySocks1 · 19/07/2017 10:31

I know exactly what you mean! I grew up in a small town, neither of my parents were from there so we had no local family and it always felt like everyone else was related to each other and we were outsiders. I don't have a strong local accent and I was singled out at school as posh.

Supersoaryflappypigeon · 19/07/2017 10:36

You're not in Holmfirth are you op?!

alltouchedout · 19/07/2017 10:37

We moved to an insular small town when I was 9 or 10. You were an outsider if you came from the nearest small town 8 miles away; further than that and you may as well be an alien. It's very racist, very xenophobic, experienced a high rate of EU migration due to the nature of work in the area and has not coped well with that at all. I left that town with joy in my heart, and we now live in a big city surrounded by people from all over the world and where it doesn't fucking matter whether or not your great great great grandparents were born and bred within a 5 mile radius.
exhales

TheFaerieQueene · 19/07/2017 10:43

I hope they don't build a road or have a dodgy butcher in the village.

WomanWithAltitude · 19/07/2017 10:45

Another Yorkshire person here who doesn't recognise what you're describing at all!

I moved to Yorkshire age 18 and stayed since then. I've moved around the county a bit and worked in different areas and never seen this behaviour or anything like it.

EdmundCleverClogs · 19/07/2017 10:47

You think you had it bad? I grew up in rural Wales. I was born outside the area but we moved back before I even had any memories of my birthplace, I was still an outsider. I actually had a lot of family in the area, I'm fully bilingual, still an outsider. Was once even called an 'English bitch'. Some places, you're only truly local if no one in your family has moved from a 10 mile radius for generations. When my mother moved away for five years, when she came back (divorced with children) some people had actually stopped talking to her, most refused to call her by her maiden name. This was the 90s! Forgot Royston Vasey, it was more like the Land Time Forgot....

WomanWithAltitude · 19/07/2017 10:50

I really have grown up with a chip on my shoulder about it all. I have never been local. I left my place of birth when I was a year old.

I think this is the key thing. I've never been a 'local' to anywhere, never lived near my extended family, but I don't have a chip on my shoulder about it and haven't found it to be a problem.

I know plenty of vegetarians and laid back people too (North Yorks). Not everyone is a stereotype!

Have you considered moving to a larger town/city? None of the cities in Yorkshire are anything like this. Even Harrogate isn't.

SueMacartney · 19/07/2017 11:07

"None of the cities in Yorkshire are anything like this. Even Harrogate isn't." Grin