To think if a young child asks about periods you should just give them the facts?

[RedStripeIassie]

My dd (just 4) is a superglue child and still comes with me to the toilet 9/10 times. She notices each month I 'have blood wee wee' which is what she calls them and she's just started asking more. I've explained that women and older girls have blood in a part of their tummy that comes out and we use types of bandages to catch it. She's asking lots of questions and saying randomly 'boys don't have the blood in their tummies' etc. She wanted to know where it comes out so I told her out of my fanny and so she did the whole 'girls have fannys, boys have willys' thing on repeat.

To me that all seems ok but I'm doubting myself now as she'll be talking about it at pre school and I wonder if teachers etc will be at what I've said or the fact she's on with me whilst I'm changing tampons etc. It's ok isn't it?

Our kids learned penis and vulva; they pretty much know about how periods work, though do still ask questions. Doesn't hurt, I suppose that we're the sort who bought "Mummy laid an egg" for bedtime reading, and never made a big issue of things.

TheSparrowhawk

I agree. The secrecy and taboo around women's bodily functions and anatomy are damaging and silly.

How many women on here have said they grew up with no clue as to what periods were, or what they meant. There is asolutely no intrinsic reason for this.

Why perpetuate the confusion? It's of no benefit to anyone.

It's thanks to mumsnet that I can trot out vagina, vulva, clitoris, without a second thought. The more you do it the less taboo it will be.

I answer 4 year old DS with whatever I can get out in the three second gap between questions. So we've got as far as babies grow in a special place inside mummy's tummy, periods are to do with making babies and no, mummy's don't have a willy.

I do try and add on a bit of information each time he asks, but he's normally moved on to something else before I can finish!

I do try and add on a bit of information each time he asks, but he's normally moved on to something else before I can finish!

Exactly. They're not uncomfortable, they don't care.

They're just genuinely interested. They take everything you say at face value.

Let's say it right. Let's get it right. Let's stop this negative attitude about natural things that happen to women.

That's a myth

Source?

I've already changed it to tampons and pads instead of bandages this morning and made sure she realised that it's nothing wrong and doesn't hurt. She's still very interested in the whole thing!

I've gone through a bit of 'where babies come from' as she's desperate for a sibling but I think a books needed.

I'm the source it's all fine. I know a lot about it.

sparrow I can't tell whether you're saying using correct words is related to abuse or just not being ashamed of ones body.

I would counter that if parents are uncomfortable with vulva they may avoid the subject altogether, rather than addressing it in a way they do find comfortable.

I'm the source it's all fine. I know a lot about it

That's not a source.

'sparrow I can't tell whether you're saying using correct words is related to abuse or just not being ashamed of ones body.

I would counter that if parents are uncomfortable with vulva they may avoid the subject altogether, rather than addressing it in a way they do find comfortable.'

I think if a child is brought up in a family that talks in a matter of fact way about the body and where the proper words are used for the things then that child stands more chance of being able to report abuse quickly. In a family where the body is never talked about, where silly words are used, where the information is confusing and contradictory, then the child is likely to learn to keep quiet if anything happens.

I see what you're saying about being comfortable and I agree that some word is better than no words. But I don't think it's good enough for parents to just opt out of giving their children proper information because of their own comfort. It's poor parenting in my view.

itsallgoingtobefine sorry what do you expect? A link to a science paper? 😆 These things are confidential you know

My DDs (10 and 7) and DS (5) all know loads about menstruation and quite a lot about reproduction (though not about doing the deed specifically. We'll deal with that later)

There's nothing wrong with explaining about period blood in a simple way. They wouldn't understand it completely but I explained about a womb (room that a baby grows in) and the basics of the blood lining the womb in preparation on a baby. They get it to a point.

I think we should inform our kids about it being a biological process and as such they hopefully won't be reckless as teens because they will be aware science and myth are two separate things and only one is real.

Fanny is what most kids and adults have around here.
You said exactly the right thing op.

itsallgoingtobefine sorry what do you expect? A link to a science paper? 😆 These things are confidential you know

Individual cases are confidential of course. I am very interested though to see the research which says that children using cutesy names for their genitals makes it just as easy for abuse to be picked up on, and just as likely that a children will be confident talking about their genitals to appropriate adults.

I was taking exception to the poster who said a) most child sexual abuse is committed by family members - it isn't, a lot is but not most b) children who are abused by family members come from "abusive families" who won't have talked to them about their bodies - most such victims don't come from abusive homes, they often have normal loving parents but have been the victims of abusers in the wider family circle.

It's tangential to the thread, but I felt the need to defend the many mothers on MN and elsewhere whose children have fallen victim to abusive family members, and who may well bear no blame at all. Sexual abuse by fathers and mothers is a small proportion of abuse within the family.

Just to be clear Winifred, I haven't said that children who are abused come from abusive families. That is true in some cases of course, but not all.

My concern was loving, well-meaning families preventing children from having basic knowledge about their own bodies for no good reason.

'I think if a child is brought up in a family that talks in a matter of fact way about the body and where the proper words are used for the things then that child stands more chance of being able to report abuse quickly'

You've made that point several times. However it does not always equal that if families use 'nicknames' for body parts then DC grow up confused and unable to express themselves clearly.

It is entirely acceptable to teach DC 'genitals are called vulva,vagjna, penis, testicles but foof/minnie/privates willy and balls are fine too'.

I didn't say that they would Myrtle. But I don't see the point in even running a tiny risk. Just give them the knowledge they need, there is simply no point in withholding it!

My DD knows she be a vagina and a vulva, but among her friends she calls it 'foof'. That has not come from me and is not a word I use. DS says willy or dick, not penis.

As long as we teach them proper names it really does not matter what dc choose to call them.

I think the earlier posts about 'pillows' that some mocked wasn't to teach DC that there is an actual pillow up there, but to allow them to envisage what the process involves. Kids learn a lot from imagery.

It's worth remembering that there will be children who have all the right terminology but are still abused and don't report it.

'As long as we teach them proper names it really does not matter what dc choose to call them.'

I totally agree. The key thing is that they have the knowledge in the first place.

The pillow imagery makes no sense - it's not a soft thing for the baby to lie on. The blood supply is to ensure the implantation of the egg and development of a placenta.

I don't know if any research itallgoingtobefine- are you aware of any that shows you can prevent and identify abuse more quickly by teaching correct names?

Because this myth is only perpetuated on MN and similar forums. In many years I have never heard a professional say anything of the sort. It's interesting you place so much authority on your views.

Just be careful when you give them the details, DS2 aged 4, once blurted out to guests "mummy will be downstairs in a minute, she's bleeding so is just putting a tampon in." Factually true but I wish he wasn't quite so open about it.

If you look up any social work or clinical psychology journal Auto you'll see acres and acres and acres of research that shows that when children are taught clear concepts with specific names then their ability to identify and report abuse is increased significantly. It's not a very surprising finding really - it seems obvious.

Because this myth is only perpetuated on MN and similar forums. In many years I have never heard a professional say anything of the sort. It's interesting you place so much authority on your views.

Interesting that you have clearly never met any of the professionals I have, who feel that teaching the correct language does indeed help identification of abuse and certainly makes progressing concerns easier. None have insisted that it is necessary, but many have expressed the view that it is useful.

Like most parents, I teach the correct words and also use informal words day to day.

Here you go, Autofillcontact: onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/car.1012/full

There are loads of papers out there but you're capable of finding them by yourself, I'm aure.