To think if a young child asks about periods you should just give them the facts?

[RedStripeIassie]

My dd (just 4) is a superglue child and still comes with me to the toilet 9/10 times. She notices each month I 'have blood wee wee' which is what she calls them and she's just started asking more. I've explained that women and older girls have blood in a part of their tummy that comes out and we use types of bandages to catch it. She's asking lots of questions and saying randomly 'boys don't have the blood in their tummies' etc. She wanted to know where it comes out so I told her out of my fanny and so she did the whole 'girls have fannys, boys have willys' thing on repeat.

To me that all seems ok but I'm doubting myself now as she'll be talking about it at pre school and I wonder if teachers etc will be at what I've said or the fact she's on with me whilst I'm changing tampons etc. It's ok isn't it?

At 5/6 years old my dd's favourite book was 'Mummy Laid An Egg' which she read incessantly, it's not inaccurate but it doesn't have full on vocab in there, I think it's fine to move up in understanding as you get older. My mum used all the technical terms but I had major misunderstandings til my late teens, despite all the diagrams and frank chats! (along the lines of Taystee in Orange is the New Black if you have ever seen that).

I think when a child asks a question, it is best to answer. Why be coy about an entirely ordinary part of life? Just offer a simple explanation that a child can understand. No need to gloss over biological facts.

I see no reason to use euphemisms, whether foof, minnie, fanny, or (God help us) front bottom. But then, I would never use the word willy either.

I've told DD what periods are as she saw me holding a tamping and asked what it was. She's not quite 4. I have a general policy of age-appropriate honesty.

I've recounted this before on MN, but shortly after this explanation I decided to go for a dip in the hotel pool (we were on holiday) and she called out in front of all the other English-speaking guests, "but Mummy, I thought you had blood in your bottom!" It was a special moment

I have two older boys and initially it was the 'there is a special place in a mummy's tummy' and a special tunnel close to her bottom where the baby comes out. One of my boys asked to see mine (!) and told him it's sometching very private so we looked at a very simple book called What's the big secret. and eventually graduated to using the correct words when they were around 6 maybe, 7.

Now they are older (10 and 11) we have gone through the more sophisticated biology books and relationship books including Asking about sex and growing up.

I have also showed them what tampons and towels look like so they know. And talked about what happens to boys in puberty.

It's much easier to start talking about it when they are little though, I would struggle to start the 'talk' now if it wasn't for them knowing a bit when they were younger.

@Hidingtonothing
This one is for 9+, but I got the equivalent for my boy when he was 8, and it's great.

usborne.com/browse-books/catalogue/product/1/1985/whats-happening-to-me-girls/

Thank you Beauty that looks perfect.

Interesting to read about pillows up thread. I used cushion made from blood for my 4 year old. Said it was nice and comfy but if there was no baby that month it would break down and that's what a period was and why it looks like blood.

My daughter is 5. She knows that every month Mummy bleeds to show that there's no baby growing in her tummy. She also knows that to make a baby you need a sperm from a man and an egg from a woman. I think that's both factual and age appropriate, and will not be expanded on it just yet.

Many of us have fannys where I come from, I grew up with a fanny, still have one too It is definitely a regional thing, I only found out it could be rude on here (although watch out if you go to the States as there fanny means bum (they have 'fanny packs' rather than 'bum bags' which always makes me giggle)

I wish people wouldn't perpetuate the myth that children need to know the correct medical words for their genitals to report abuse. It's victim blaming and inaccurate.

I'm another who was open about periods from the beginning. I can see why using tummy might seem more age appropriate than uterus in terms of causing confusion and understanding but for older children it does seem misleading.

We also use Minnie and winkle and fanny is vulgar here

It's not about reporting abuse - once it gets to the stage that a child is being interviewed then you are correct , it is unlikely that the name used will pose any issues. However the name used could hinder abuse being picked up eg if you heard a child say "uncle Dave asked if he could play with my Minnie" you may well assume Minnie mouse toy or similar, unless you personally used that descriptor that comment may pass as completely innocuous. Hearing a child say ",uncle Dave asked if he could play with my vulva" leaves no room for misunderstanding.

That's a myth.

I think it's fine - I've explained periods to my 5 year old from around aged 3. I try and use factual language but also only answer the specific question she asks. She knows all about periods and why and pads/tampons and babies etc. Only question she is yet to ask is how the baby gets there!

And victim blaming. Any person who works with children needs to be smart enough and trained enough not to be that fucking stupid, frankly.

Most children are abused by their family and abusive families don't take the time to teach their Children biology. Let's not tell children that their other carers will fail them the way their parents have. Because they don't know words

Good post Auto

Well it was certainly the case in my abuse Auto that my lack of knowledge was a huge help to my abuser. He knew how to skirt round the edges. I knew what he was doing was wrong but I didn't have the knowledge to say what it was.

It's not about victim blaming. There is no good reason to keep children ignorant, it serves no purpose. Give them knowledge so they at least have some power.

I've told my boys from a young age that the blood is preparing for a baby but then when there is no baby the blood comes out. They both accept that easily.

My current problem is that my 5 year old desperately wants to see my "hole" (boys' pee comes out of willies, girls' pee comes out of holes - I haven't said what it's called and they haven't asked. But urethra is not used a lot!). Have ordered the book mentionned upthread - hopefully that'll help clear things up!

Unfortunately most survivors aren't helped because their abuser is very clever.

They pick people they can easily over power and influence and gain the trust of everyone around them. It could've been any number of things that helped him.

That doesn't mean we should perpetuate unthruths (there is no evidence that using correct terms helps prevent or uncover abuse) with the aim of preventing parents using terms for genitals that they want to and are comfortable with.

Sorry i can't help but look at your comment where you said you was calling your sister a twat at 7/8 i don't think that's funny in the slightest!

But i will say that i think you did do right by explaining to your daughter, agree i wouldn't have said bandages as that could become confusing as they are used for injuries etc.
I don't like a little girl saying fanny but as others have pointed out, it's obviously a regional thing

My little boy turns 2 in a couple of weeks and we call his penis a widgie haha, but that's what was said to me an my brother when we were little ha

Most child sexual abuse is carried out by unrelated people known ti the family, not family members. A large minority of abuse is carried out by family members (very very rarely parents though) but that doesn't mean the child comes from "an abusive family" - they mostly have good but imperfect loving parents who didn't spot that their uncle was an abuser.

I'm not sure where you got that idea from Winifred, unless you're saying an uncle isn't family?

Winifred very, very rarely parents? Really?

When you're explaining bodily functions and genitalia to a child, they have no idea that you might be cringing over the world vulva and therefore substituting foo-foo.

To them it's just words. If you can't use the correct words you are projecting your own discomfort.

I'm sure many people feel a little uncomfortable talking about things that they know eventually, involve sex. The child doesn't know that, though.

I totally agree, vulva, vagina, womb, etc. Just enough information to answer the question, but entirely accurate information. As soon as they go to school one of their friends might well be about to have a new baby sibling, the subject will come up.

Being told they are wrong and silly for thinking a baby grows in the tummy will be confusing. You will then have to backtrack, and they won't trust what you say thereafter.

'That doesn't mean we should perpetuate unthruths (there is no evidence that using correct terms helps prevent or uncover abuse) with the aim of preventing parents using terms for genitals that they want to and are comfortable with.'

The issue is the 'comfortable with' part. They words for fuck's sake. The very fact that people are 'uncomfortable' with words is a major part of the problem. Children know when something shouldn't be talked about and if parents are using silly euphemisms and not giving complete information then all that tells the child is that they should be quiet about 'things like that.' That will automatically be a help to an abuser who obviously doesn't want the child to blab. If a child has all the facts, can speak openly, can use the right words, then they at least have more of a hope of being able to speak up.

They're words.