Hello, hoping for some advice.
My mum who lives in my home country (the uk) has struggled a fair bit recently.
Her income dropped considerably and she ended up in a big cycle of debt. She was forced to move due to bedroom tax and her new home was completely bare floored etc. she couldn't afford carpets and was already sinking because of everything (credit cards a catalogue etc) and moving costs.
So I helped her out, ordered her a few bits and pieces and paid someone to carpet her bedroom, put Lino down in the living room and bathroom.
I'm about to finish this off for her by paying for her hallway carpet and my young siblings bedroom carpet and buying him some new sensory things (he has ASD).
On top of this I pay her (very low) weekly rent, chunks off the biggest of her 3 debts and a monthly shop so all she has to buy is bread/milk and fresh things.
I'm not looking for criticism on what I do for my mum she is an amazing woman and I wouldn't be where I am today without her help... she is hardworking and generous and has helped me in the past too. I consider her my best friend.
My sister on the other hand... well we'll see what you think.
Works 15-30hrs per week her partner works full time, 1DC. No childcare costs and as far as I'm aware they're ticking along nicely.
Today she messages me and says the following (copied and pasted but names removed)
"Hello Oreos.
I'm really unhappy about something...
you offer all this help to mum but none to me!
We'd like to come out and see you but can't really afford that what with (dh expensive hobby) and saving for a holiday for ourselves. Offering to pay for this would be nice but no you don't offer anything! Mums told me all about the things you do for her, my carpet is almost 8 years old I could do with a replacement too but yet again you don't offer this. Why do you want to see me struggling?"...
was I justified in my response of
"Hi sister name.
It's difficult for me to see where you're coming from.
I'd be happy to consider helping you if you asked for my help or were indeed in need of it.
I think having extreme financial difficulties cannot be compared to saving for a holiday or (her dh name) spending x amount on (hobby). Rest assured that if you had lost 25%+ of your income and was forced into spending £1000 on moving into a home you couldn't afford to furnish I'd be the first person there to help, but you're not, so I don't get where you're coming from"
Sister has always been quite entitled (think asking for £7000, which is a lot to me, for Christmas 
) and when I gave her young son a birthday card with £200 she questioned why I couldn't afford/didn't spend more... so this may colour my opinions drastically.
So was i being unreasonable in my response and would you be bothered if your sister or brother was helping out a relative a lot but didn't offer you help?