To expect baby group to be open during the holidays

[PeggyPatchandPoppy]

I live in the countryside and I'm fairly isolated. I have a newish baby and enjoyed going to baby group 3 days a week. I didn't particularly have any friends there but enjoyed the process of going somewhere different to the village shop and talking to different people.
The groups finish this week because it's the end of term. That means that me and DD have no where to go to interact with other parents. The library clubs have always stopped for half term so we are really stuck for things to do.
I know there are reasons the clubs can't run during term time E.g. Parents have to older children they need to do activities with. Am I being unreasonable in thinking they could keep at least one club a week going?

And this thread makes me think about the advice and info we should give to any friends having first babies.

Having a baby can be isolating as OP and many others have found. Knowing that and having a few strategies in place in advance is definitely a good idea. I'm a big fan of NCT as a way to have an instant social circle....the type that will not be constrained by term times because members tend to be first time mums without the older kids. So tell your friends about how useful this is. And tell your friends that toddler groups etc stop for the holidays,mso people are not caught out and have time to actually get some contact details of people they have had loose contact with and make some plans for the holidays. This too helps.

One poster upthread said she ran a toddler group and was very aware of this issue and ran a summer programme. That was brilliant. However, we need to remember that most people running such groups are volunteers. They have already given up 35 weeks of the year to the activity and deserve time off if they want it. They provide a service and are usually happy to do so, but there are limits and the fact they provide a helpful service doesn't mean anyone is entitled to think they should do it every week or that someone should. People need to be glad that loads and loads of mums and grannies and some dads too give many hours of their time to run toddler groups and similar, because they are a lifeline for many people.

Loneliness is a real problem for many new mums. However, it seems to be something to acknowledge rather than be annoyed about in my view. You have to be a bit proactive in making stuff happen. That's easy for some people who are extroverts and who seem to generate a mass circle of new friends in about 2 weeks of having a baby and have an active regime of coffee shops, friends houses and other exciting locations to visit. For others it's not quite so easy.....but this is the ideal time to push yourself a little bit. Lots of other people are in your position and will be receptive to you. Honestly, have faith that they will probably bite your arm off. OP I hope you have a lovely summer and look back on it as a time when actually you did make new friends and have lots of good times.

Hey @PeggyPatchandPoppy

Jut a quick update to let you know how my situation went - it was a success! Five mums and babies turned up, we basically plonked them on the floor and managed to have chat over coffee - the usual, what do you do, where are you from, is this your first, are you local or are you new to the city etcetc.

It was meant to be 90mins and lasted two hours with minimum toddler destruction. DD is being extremely whiny and arsey today so I'm glad that she had a spot of entertainment and the distraction of the other mums was great.

Temporarily, it's taken that "I'm so lonely I could die or sell a kidney just to speak to someone" feeling away. If DD wasn't being so colossally testing I'd be high fiving myself and bodypopping down the street.

I hope my story gives you faith OP.

But just to let you know - it wouldn't have happened without Facebook. Please get on there pronto. Just name your account after a pet and your maiden name or something if you want to remain anonymousish. Plug in "[town/area name] mums". Or the name of the group you normally attend. You will find people.

You'll get a result. I promise x

Most need to stop as as a general rule, many of the mums have other kids so the group organisers have two other choices to closing. A) Have a playgroup taken over by older siblings who unintentionally spoil it for the toddlers and babies OR, B) Have attendance so low they may as well be closed anyway.

Legends I'm pleased to hear it was a success! Will you be meeting up again?

Next Wednesday and the idea is to continue every Wednesday until the end of August when normality resumes...

I remember a friend of mine who moved house with a 6 month old baby to an area where she knew no-one. She spent the first 6 months of being there really miserable. She went to toddler groups and music classes and chatted to lots of mums, but said she just longed for people to invite her for a coffee or to the park or to something a bit more personal. She found that when people were paying for activities, they either came in groups and stuck with them or they came alone and rushed off afterwards.
I remember seeing her a couple of times and then the next time, things had totally changed. She had chatted to one mum at a toddler group and had got on pretty well and that mum did ask her to meet in the park. She went and there were a couple of others there too....and it all just went from there and suddenly she had quite a good social thing going.

My friend couldn't quite bring herself to do the asking, but needed someone to ask her. I guess social media makes it a bit easier as it feels a bit less personal. However it is possible to do the asking, and it could be that the person you ask is just desperate to have some company too. And I always think it's worth remembering later on down the line too when you've got your group of friends. People often say toddler groups etc are cliquey, so go out of your way to chat to the newcomer and if you are meeting a group somewhere, just be aware of who you've chatted to that might really like to spend some time with that group. It's too easy to get comfy ourselves and then forget about other people who might be a bit lonely.

I used to run one as a volunteer. When the school holidays came and my own DCs were off school, we never opened because I wanted to go on holiday and, you know, spend time with my own children.

Every year a few of the other mums organised something themselves at least once, normally twice a week. I always notIced that the ones that moaned the most were the ones who weren't prepared to arrange anything themselves.

Such a nice post wombat

I run playgroups and when I have tried to run them over holidays, hardly anyone is interested! (Not enough to make it worthwhile)

So I suggest you host, as previous posters have said, and local groups via meetup/Mumsnet/Facebook etc.

I always notIced that the ones that moaned the most were the ones who weren't prepared to arrange anything themselves

In years to come, these will be the first to complain about the PTA and criticise Cub leaders too.

I haven't moaned anywhere but on here about it and I have been going out of my way to arrange something. I have made quite clear from the start I live in the sticks and it is difficult for people to come here.

Peggy, I didn't mean you in particular, it's just my experience of when I was running a group. I also live in the sticks in a tiny village so everyone really had to travel to the group anyway, purely because of the location.

I can remember one woman telling me that she thought I was being very inconsiderate to book our family holiday during the school holidays without checking first if other parents wanted me to open the group. I was and had to point out for the 8 millionth time that I was a volunteer.

You could try HOOP it's this brilliant app that tells you everything that's on in your area by kiddy age and also how much it costs. It's a life saver for us

I have been in the same boat as you when DD was little but I can understand it too, as you pointed out a lot of parents have older kids too and could you imagine them running around at a baby group? It would be chaos. I live in a very rural area, we just manage to find other things to do with our time.

Same here, our group has a lot of toddlers so we are meeting at the park instead. The group.are having two fun sessions in the holidays too.

Goid suggestion to offer to host it though, we've done this. Maybe post on their fb page?

Fuck me coconutella are you a descendant of Margaret Thatcher by any chance? what a shitty post!

Like other baby and toddler group organisers here, we close over the holidays although we don't have young children ourselves. And as has been said, it's for two main reasons- much lower attendance and parents with older children. Either we are strict about age policy, in which case the majority of our usual attendees can't come, or we let it slide and older children want to run around, play football and are naturally not interested in the toys available. We already have that problem on Polling and Inset days. I have given some thought to the issue and will continue to do so as I love the group and would be happy to keep volunteering through the holidays, but so far no bright ideas have occurred!

Hi, I run baby classes (paid for ones). I am planning on running classes this summer as it will be the last time I can as kids are currently at nursery but in sept eldest will start at school so I'll only be working term time. I have thought about not doing them though as they are no normally that busy over summer - people on holiday, have older kids to look after etc. And it's my business and still have to pay for room hire etc. Most people who start running baby classes/swimming classes etc do so because they are parents and need term time jobs which are hard to come by.

With regards to baby groups, they are run by volunteers - again most likely with kids so can only work term time. With surestart centres they get a limited budget so tend to focus on term time only as that is when they are busy.

It's hard, I remember being so confused with my first baby when everything ground to a halt in the summer. Did you get friendly with any of other mums? Maybe bite the bullet and ask if they fancy meeting up for coffee/play at your house/a walk. I get it can feel lonely with a baby and having classes /groups booked in each week really helps structure your life! Remember other new mums will all be the same boat. I was shameless when trying to make new mummy friends. It's like asking someone out on a date!

I struggled with this when on maternity leave too but I can understand why it happened. One group kept on going - a church hall toddler group - but it ended up extremely crowded, especially with older children who ran around like crazy. It wasn't much fun for people just with babies.

What I did to survive the summer holiday- I tried to do these things each week:
Swimming once or twice a week
Walk in the park (summer is at least easier than the other school hols as the weather is better) and feed the ducks.
Trip on a bus/train somewhere not too far away but to the baby it's something different. Even if you just have a coffee at the other end and come back again!
Met up with friends with older children - I didn't have friends with similar age babies but made some friends at toddler groups so I used to meet them at the park. The toddlers/kids played and my baby could watch.
Things like NT properties are fun with a baby. Take a sling and you can go round the property with the baby - lots for them to see.

I also kept an eye out for the toddler groups I usually went to (some had Facebook groups) as they organised some get togethers at a park.

I feel your pain OP, I had my DD early last August and nothing was running as it was summer holiday, not even the BF support groups. That was a real shame as I needed support to BF and only got it buy being able to drive to nearest big city to see lactatinon consultant . I was very lonely when husband went back to work after a week and a bit and actually cried at the first baby group mid September because it was the first time I had had an adult conversation with someone not my husband in 6 weeks. I have no idea how a single parent manages.

The toddler group we went to had an informal "meet up in the park" at the same time as the session through the holidays, so that families with all ages of children could still meet up and usually took picnics. You never knew who would be around and it was entirely optional, and weather dependent, but it could be worth a try.

Sorry if it has been mentioned already but could you join local NCT? They often hold coffee mornings at members' houses.

I volunteer at a BF group. We are not paid, have our own children and have jobs on the side. We do it, because we want to make a difference. while I sympathise, until society pays people that are providing these invaluable services they will not be open. Over August we will be open 3 of the weeks. It takes coordination and team effort for this to happen with little to no thanks from the users, the council or the centres that we work from. how much are you willing to pay to keep these services open? Write letters to the council for financial support? contact MPs to improve services for the user groups? We would love financial support and be able to pay our counselors.

You are right I think it's mad that baby groups stop. That's why our toddler group are having meets ups on group days in the holidays so older children can go as well.

YANBU I used run a toddler group would argue that if you have no children at school, holidays make no difference to parents. But, it is reeeally hard to find volunteers over Summer... that's probs why they're not opening. Why don't you ask them if they'd consider it, if you and other parent volunteer? Most Toddler groups are usually voluntarily run, so they may consider it if they had reliable volunteers.