To expect baby group to be open during the holidays

[PeggyPatchandPoppy]

I live in the countryside and I'm fairly isolated. I have a newish baby and enjoyed going to baby group 3 days a week. I didn't particularly have any friends there but enjoyed the process of going somewhere different to the village shop and talking to different people.
The groups finish this week because it's the end of term. That means that me and DD have no where to go to interact with other parents. The library clubs have always stopped for half term so we are really stuck for things to do.
I know there are reasons the clubs can't run during term time E.g. Parents have to older children they need to do activities with. Am I being unreasonable in thinking they could keep at least one club a week going?

newyork

I'm in The Hague! But pop over on the Thalys if you fancy, I've got enough coffee to sink a battleship

Are you friendly with any colleagues who also have the holidays off?

I have read before that although we have come a long way in terms of expectations for women re careers, earning potential etc, the downside is that some of the old fashioned female solidarity has been lost. Years ago you wouldn't have needed baby groups for adult contact because your mother, sisters, aunties, cousins and grandmas would all be living in the same locality, and they wouldn't be working all hours in demanding careers. The younger ones would also be likely have small children themselves.

New mothers wouldn't be left feeling a little lonely and overwhelmed, and people wouldn't 'dread' the summer holidays as children played out and didn't rely on parents to provide constant, often expensive, entertainment.

I know I've gone off on a bit of a tangent but just got me thinking about modern parenthood.

I used to struggle with this too, ask around there my be a summer group on somewhere. Look on council website and library info posters, plan some days out with some of the mums - it may end up being a good thing if you organise something and take some of the playgroup chit chat to friendships .

Children's Centres don't have enough funding to run mainstream groups every week of the year now , I run a toddler group as a volunteer in a church and I can tell you I can't wait for the holidays to have a much needed rest !!

I find it hard to believe that someone who lives in London thinks there is 'nothing to do with a toddler' - it's not at all like living in an isolated rural backwater. .

I know it sounds harsh but surely a Primary school teacher would have some knowledge that these sorts of groups stop in the holidays?

I was also someone who moved to a completely new area (also in the countryside) when I had my child - I knew no one at all, I found it made it easier to look for friends who weren't necessarily 'mothers with small children' - try widening your circle, I joined WI, walking groups, community groups, volunteer activities and I met new people with different interests - I could still take my baby along - but it gave me a wider circle of friends and things to do.

If you are head of year in primary school are you not BU to even wonder why they can't keep a group going? You are better placed than most people to realise the challenges that school holidays bring to children's centres, quite apart from running sessions.

The holiday activities have to cover older children otherwise many parents couldn't attend and the activities have to be reduced due to staff taking holidays with their own children.

I think you are lucky to have so many groups, the LA cuts have closed many sessions or resulted in targeted work and staff numbers have been cut. I'm struggling to see how this would be news to you though.

Surely you have the skills to have planned and set up a holiday group for yourself and the other parents?

They stopping in my area too but we going to the park too. (Babies under one so rugs, toys under trees). They staffed by volunteers. The children centres continue if you look them up.

Oh yes Cupcake I agree the staff are ready for a rest in the holidays, they need a one .... something we hear teachers say a lot....

There's been many practical issues mentioned about why groups don't run over the summer, but I agree, the effect is socially isolating, and there is a gulf of six vacuous weeks where that structure and routine is stripped from you. I remember finding it hard when. DS1 was about 18m, and I agree with another poster about usual places like playgrounds and soft play feeling out of bounds because of school age children charging around.

Motherhood can be very socially isolated. My family is scattered around the country. Most of DH's are in another country. I gradually built up local friends, but they work f/t and we had babies at different times so maternity leaves were out of synch. My part time days tended to clash with the part time days of the mum friends I met in pregnancy. I frequently went to different baby/ toddler groups and quite often found that people would turn up in pre-arranged packs and not mingle, so I'd end up being gooseberry and devoid of adult conversation beyond a little practical small talk until DH got home at 8pm. It was still good to get out and look at a different set of walls and DS play with different toys, but it can be draining when your level of social interaction in a day doesn't get any further than "Look at the doggy! It's a big, brown dog"

Mine are school age now, and it is daunting facing six weeks of loss of routine and structure and planning how to fill it in without going bankrupt (ok, exaggeration there ) I adore my children and don't shirk my responsibilities to them, but that change of routine and structure remains challenging. We all need social interaction with more than just our immediate unit. Parents worrying about the long holidays are usually worrying because they care, not out of selfishness.

At 12 weeks just put in a sling/buggy and get put and about yourself! Go to museums, walks in the park, have coffee, meet friends. Baby will be happy as long as they're with you so just enjoy the freedom to explore and get out. It's better than being lonely at home.

So many chidren are seen as a chore rather than a joy.

Newsflash: a lot of the time children ARE a chore. I love my DS to bits. I enjoy spending time with him. Do I enjoy having weetabix thrown in my face while he has a tantrum because he wants to pull my glasses off? No, I don't particularly enjoy that. That bit is a chore.

I have to watch him like a hawk at baby groups FWIW, it's not like I just sit there and relax and drink tea! And even if I did, so what? Is that a crime?

I really hate this stupid notion that you should cherish every single millisecond of parenting.

I find it hard to believe that someone who lives in London thinks there is 'nothing to do with a toddler'

There's loads to do with a toddler. There's v little to do in my little part of SE London, when I don't drive due to a medical condition, when also said medical condition which means I cannot go into central London for long periods alone, when my toddler won't nap in the buggy so we have to be at home at midday everyday for his nap.

I am not the type of person who can merrily strap toddler into a buggy and spend a delightful time going round the natural history museum (my idea of hell in the summer holidays anyway due to the 100,000,000 other people there at the same time).

Also there's only so many times you can go to the bloody park without going crackers...

Try to get a weekly routine-of sorts!
My toddler group finished last week so today is the dentist! Yesterday was a mooch round Sainsbury's. Tomorrow is a meet up with some mums, etc.
Def see if you can get some of the others together, you only need a couple of people.
Have you got any days out planned? Holidays away? I find once the holiday gets going it feels better.

But yeah, agree with Fur, it can be a chore, nothing wrong with acknowledging that.

MargotLovedTom1 I think you make a really interesting point about modern parenting- things have changed without a doubt, and on the one hand we have more freedom and choice to return to work etc, but we have also lost some things in the process.

Sorry for the derail, back to the OP-
I moved around a lot to rural areas when my 2 were babies, and DH was often away so i can sympathise about feeling isolated, I found getting outside for a walk everyday helped me - even for just an hour, helps break the day up.

I love the six weeks. No routine , no clubs to get too. Just time for me and my kids to do nothing and not feel the need to socialise. Soft play areas are open. Swimming pools, kids cinema.

OP, my suggestions are scope out any local museums and art galleries. Or even ones further afield (avoiding rush hour as you can travel off peak). They often have free holiday activities and even if they're aimed at school age kids, there'll be someone to talk to and a cup of tea probably. Look out for cafes with play areas. You can often get chatting to other mums, dads and grans there. Churches can be good too. Also garden centres. You only need to find a few suitable places with a small play area, where you can nurse a coffee and you're sorted for the summer!

I sympathise. I'm a teacher and work full time and the only groups that were held at convenient times for me were aimed at Dads - DH had a great time!

Have you looked at your local library? I would be surprised if they stopped things like baby rhymetime or storytime for the holidays.

I remember being in the same situation with my eldest - a few people I had only made passing conversation with at playgroup (for various reasons I hadn't managed to do NCT so didn't have that option for a group of friends) set up a closed FB group just to keep in contact over the summer break.

7 years later and they are some of my best friends still. Worth taking the plunge - others will be in exactly the same situation!

I also found it worthwhile getting into a routine of heading to the same couple of playgrounds at a similar time in the day over the holidays - you soon get to see the same people there and develop a nodding, to conversation, to potential coffee sort of acquaintance, possibly more.

Have a good scout round on FB and other local pages, there may be some groups that keep going - especially church groups run by grannies. (ie, me)
We keep our group running every Monday except bank holidays, as I remember the confusion of not knowing when schools would be off, and the long stretch of no sessions. If you're wary of inviting lots of people into your home, why not see if a local church will let you use their premises for the summer, in exchange for a donation? That's how we do it all year round.

Like cupcakes said the children's centres can barely afford to run the programs that they have at the moment and are looking towards parents to run the groups.

I volunteer at a breastfeeding support group and we will be running through the holidays. Many of us have older children so they will be attending to. This means my lovely children get to spend 6 days of their summer holidays watching me support other families.

It can be a real juggle at times. Fortunately they are older and the behaviour is good but some of the Peer supporters have toddlers that they have to keep an eye on as well. Often they schedule their free child care so they they can dedicate time during term time but can't do this in holidays.

I've also been to some groups that have endeavour to stay open during the summer holidays and people just don't turn up. It's a sAmerican core group of parents who volunteer and put themselves out there to organise things all the time.

I have social anxiety I don't particularly enjoy group settings but being active in the community help me overcome this.

I would suggest asking the group leader if it's possible that the group has a closed Facebook group where mum's can arrange to meet up through the summer holidays and then use that group on going to give a group messages. Eg who is baking cake this weel etc.

Alternatively start a local Facebook group yourself what's on/meet ups for parents in x area.

You won't find your tribe unless you go out and seek it.

Excuse typos. Feeding baby!

I hope your offer to host at your home works out. I know how lonely and isolating being at home with little children can be. I'm sure this was a very rare situation in ye olden days.

This is a bit of a long shot maybe, but are there any adult groups you could do where taking your baby with you would be okay? Book club, sewing bee, art classes. Could you offer to start a book club in your own home perhaps?

I sympathise OP. I live in a fairly rural part of the country and all the groups shut for 6 weeks here, even the ones I pay to attend. I'm coming towards the end of my maternity leave with DD2 so money is really getting tight so it's not like I can afford to go out to zoos, theme parks etc, and DD1 (nearly 3) needs to get out the house every day as she's a real live wire. There's only so many picnics in the park, or visits to the ducks you can do before you start to go a bit stir crazy. I'll try to meet up with friends etc as much as possible, but inevitably a lot of people are going away for holidays and stuff so it's not that easy. In response to a PP obviously I love the girls dearly, but it's okay to want to get out of the house and want to talk to adults sometimes. Like it or not, sometimes parenting is exhausting, stressful and boring; and being honest about that fact is important as otherwise loads of Mums will find themselves thinking they are the only ones struggling with these things, which just isn't true.

Ah, I see Margot has posted about 'ye olden times' (my phrase). I was shocked and horrified at the crap deal that modern mums have. And woe betide anyone who has the temerity to admit that they don't enjoy the tiny baby stage - as evidenced on this thread. Even the 'best', most natural mums/parents are probably better at different stages of their DC lives. The mum who sails through the baby and toddler stage might find the teenage stage harder than some other mums for example.