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Being a decent SAHP ?

112 replies

MommaGee · 17/07/2017 14:27

So a SAHP with a 2 yo IMO should be able to:
Look after and entertain said toddler, keep on top of the day2daY housework (lunch, washing up, keeping the floor swept, toys etc) , have time to teach them animals, colours etc each day, get a load of washing done and a load on the line, and cook a proper dinner every night.

So why can't I?

Shopping half put away. Washing in the machine. Washing up and sides half done. Living room a bomb. Bedroom not ventured near since 8 am.
He's currently in the pushchair pretending he might nap. I'm having lunch.

He won't sit still including when he has his tube milk so I end up following him around with his pump. He's pretty good on his o2obut can get in a knot and a mess with it. He climbs on EVERYTHING so needs to be within my sight and would prefer me to be in the same room watching him, cuddling him or playing with him.

As I tidy up one set of toys he has something else out. His toys being accessible in the living room is the only place we have for them and I like him being able to play freely with them. But all of that is a lane excuse isn't it because everyone else manages. I have WOHP friends in very prestigious jobs with lots of stress and they manage.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm depressed and that's whyti find it hard to get going and do stuff but then I think maybe that's an excuse for being lazy.

DH is great and does his fair share and doesn't say anything but I just feel like I don't want to move if were in the house besides supervising the toddler

So not sure what my aibu is - to be so useless? but know tough love is over here

OP posts:
TheSkyAtNight · 18/07/2017 19:32

No need to 'teach' colours, counting - talk about these things naturally as they arise, e.g. How many strawberries would you like? One? Two? You can look round the house to find things of a particular colour if you feel really educational. Line up shoes in size order, put balls in muffin tins & count them - that's the basis for maths & is much better than so-called educational apps! If the child is interested that is... If not then follow their interests.

MommaGee · 18/07/2017 20:26

I want proposing to sit gm and formally teach him. He's learnt his animals by being obsessed with animal books and his toys and me doing the noises on command normally on a busy bus. I just meant more structured play as he tends to do wildling play of left alone. So doing the puzzles and blocks etc which require 121 attention rather than be observing from a diatance.

Appt Thursday fThehim and a number for self referral for me

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 18/07/2017 22:17

Well, we've got loads of blocks and DS has shown virtually no interest other than occasionally building a crane.

Also have puzzles and he makes me do them and runs off with a piece.

I do remember reading it's really important and often overlooked to take toddler for eye tests so it's good you have an appointment for him.

And also, please look after yourself as well.

InvisableLobstee · 20/07/2017 06:41

If he likes the animals you could tie the colours to the animals when looking at picture books just point out the colours as you read.

MamaBear001 · 21/07/2017 07:24

I love this thread.

where do you think we all bought into this idea that everyone else is swimming along perfectly? Has it always been so?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 21/07/2017 08:04

Your child is tube fed Flowers

That's huge and massive deal

Don't even compare of think about other people as a starter for ten

Looks like you need some TLC and self care too my dear

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 21/07/2017 08:04

Your child is tube fed Flowers

That's huge and massive deal

Don't even compare of think about other people as a starter for ten

Looks like you need some TLC and self care too my dear

MommaGee · 21/07/2017 09:45

MamaBear001 I suspect pride has always made people act like they're on top of everything but in days gone by, with communities where all Moms are at home with the kids, everyone is in and out of each others houses it was harder to hide the struggle. And it want just perfect houses and kids posted all over FB

OP posts:
MamaBear001 · 30/07/2017 05:46

Very true. How are you doing todayOP?

JoandMax · 30/07/2017 06:13

You sound like you're doing incredibly well in difficult circumstances so don't be so hard on yourself!

DS2 was tube fed for a few years (3 hourly feeds day and night until he was 3, knackering!!) and it is such hard work when they're that age and don't want to sit still. I have so many memories of holding the tube up trying to feed him with him climbing everywhere! I used to try and get him in a bouncy chair with the TV on but it didn't always work........

It is a hugely different experience than having a child with no issues, with my first I could keep in top of everything and cook/clean and all was fine. With DS2 if I'd managed all his meds/feeds/appointments that was enough! DH would walk in the door and start tidying or cooking without even taking his shoes off - it was hard and tough and emotionally and physically exhausting.

He started nursery af 3.5 and thats when things got easier as I had some respite and time to get stuff done.

Abd don't be worried about asking for help, if your MIL would be happy to come then let her! You deserve to be supported and I'm sure your DS would love it too

Albertschair · 30/07/2017 13:19

More people struggle than let on. Colours and counting are learnt when they are learnt. You describe things. You count things and they pick it up. Colours are supposedly very hard because of the way we structure normal speech. So 'look at the blue tractor' is hard because they have no concept of blue just tractor. Where as 'look! That tractor is blue' apparently is easier for them.

My 2 year old thinks everything is blue though. Sometimes I will try to cheer myself up and point to something that is blue so she can 'get it right' of course she will then throw in some other random colour instead that she doesn't say any other time. Like 'pink'.

Your dh loves you and your son. Talk to him about how you are struggling. I suspect he hasn't even noticed all the things you aren't managing to get done that 'should' be done and instead just notices how much your son is growing.

I hope the trip to the gp was helpful. And about antidepressants, bear in mind you are now a different person to before. You may be less likely to OD. I dont wish to talk for you, or minimise your previous OD, but do talk to your gp about your worries.

And be gentle on yourself. I took my 2 year old to soft play last week and just kinda threw her in there and sat back with a coffee. You can't do that. You have to be in there with the oxygen. That's my breather. Whereas you get to do it with your son. Every bloody time.

You have this. You are fab.

Gunpowder · 30/07/2017 13:58

My 2 year old says everything is blue too! Except for pink things which are 'sister's'.
DD1 didn't play with puzzles or board type games properly until she was 4. They are all different.

I think you are expecting far too much if yourself too, it sounds like you are doing a great job. It gets easier when you can leave them in a room by themselves for 20 mins and when they stop the 'building bonfires' phase (throwing everything on the floor). DD2 is definitely still in that phase and my house is always a tip unless I work out of the house and put the girls in childcare.

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