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AIBU?

Being a decent SAHP ?

112 replies

MommaGee · 17/07/2017 14:27

So a SAHP with a 2 yo IMO should be able to:
Look after and entertain said toddler, keep on top of the day2daY housework (lunch, washing up, keeping the floor swept, toys etc) , have time to teach them animals, colours etc each day, get a load of washing done and a load on the line, and cook a proper dinner every night.

So why can't I?

Shopping half put away. Washing in the machine. Washing up and sides half done. Living room a bomb. Bedroom not ventured near since 8 am.
He's currently in the pushchair pretending he might nap. I'm having lunch.

He won't sit still including when he has his tube milk so I end up following him around with his pump. He's pretty good on his o2obut can get in a knot and a mess with it. He climbs on EVERYTHING so needs to be within my sight and would prefer me to be in the same room watching him, cuddling him or playing with him.

As I tidy up one set of toys he has something else out. His toys being accessible in the living room is the only place we have for them and I like him being able to play freely with them. But all of that is a lane excuse isn't it because everyone else manages. I have WOHP friends in very prestigious jobs with lots of stress and they manage.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm depressed and that's whyti find it hard to get going and do stuff but then I think maybe that's an excuse for being lazy.

DH is great and does his fair share and doesn't say anything but I just feel like I don't want to move if were in the house besides supervising the toddler

So not sure what my aibu is - to be so useless? but know tough love is over here

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BertieBotts · 17/07/2017 20:36

That's okay, he tried it and learned he didn't like it

Apparently I as a toddler was very intolerant of any kind of texture/mess on my hands too. I still can't stand greasy/sticky fingers, I have to wash them immediately.

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CheshireChat · 17/07/2017 20:40

My mum always says that as long as she put a VHS on for me (a long, long time ago) she could leave the house if she absolutely had to as I wouldn't budge.

I can't leave DS alone in the living room whilst I cook and I've kept a baby gate up in order to preserve my sanity.

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Calvinlookingforhobbs · 17/07/2017 20:46

I do manage it and it's all about systems.
I programme the washing machine the night before so the washing is clean when we wake.

It goes out as my kids eat breakfast.

We then do a morning activity (dishes left in sink).

Return home / tidy up from activity and make lunch, usually kids in the garden at this point.

Have lunch.
And I wash dishes whilst they eat again.
Then those who needs naps are either walked to sleep in the pram or put down.
If walked then bigger DC go on their bikes.
Once LOs sleep,
I make supper and bigger ones enjoy free play.
Then we do an afternoon activity (play park, soft play etc).
Supper is often in the oven on timer or slow cooker.

In order to be successful I meal plan and organise the washing.

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Calvinlookingforhobbs · 17/07/2017 20:48

Pm me if you'd like help with a system

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missanony · 17/07/2017 20:50

I am not a sahm but I was home one day last week with a 2 year old.

We got up, dressed, breakfast and ready by 9.30... two and a half hours after getting up! I put a wash on and made beds in that time too (as in straightened out)

Then went out to soft play

Popped to town on the way back and bought a sandwich

Home for nap time, 2 hours. I was productive for 30 minutes & 90 mins on my bum - I unloaded dishwasher and washing Machine. Put another load on. Wiped surfaces and spot cleaned kitchen floor with baby wipes.

Played in the garden until dp home

Did dinner when he took over

Did bath and bed. Dp did kitchen.

Tidied up the house and garden, hung up last washing load.

So probably did a Fair bit but not much and mainly because I'm not off very often and I'm not sleep deprived!

I didn't do anything educational!

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InvisableLobstee · 17/07/2017 21:12

I work in a school and children with SN often have a 1:1 teaching assistant, this TA will focus only in the child they work with and do no additional work, whereas normal TAs work with groups of children and do other jobs while the kids are doing a class. They can be a lot more flexible and get on with things in a way the SN TA can't.
I just think this show how much more work is involved in caring for your DS over a child without any SN. So take this into consideration when estimating what you can get done.
You may be able to come up with time saving ways to get things done and get a bit more organised. But don't feel bad if you can't do everything and need a bit of help. If your dmil offers to help don't turn her down, for one thing she might like to spend a little extra time with DS.

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MommaGee · 17/07/2017 22:32

Calvinlookingforhobbs that sounds great but no way can DS be left alone like that . He'd give the floor his dinner and do twirls on his favorite chair!

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SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 17/07/2017 22:38

I just think this show how much more work is involved in caring for your DS over a child without any SN. So take this into consideration when estimating what you can get done.

This is it, exactly. By the time typical children are a certain age, they can usually be left to their own devices for short periods, as long as they're within eye or earshot. My DD, on the other hand, has very little sense of danger and I can't leave her while I go to the loo, let alone cook dinner or tidy in another room. I'd imagine you're in a similar situation,
OP. So please go easy on yourself!

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ingeniusnonsense · 17/07/2017 22:59

Very sorry to have to contradict kateyjane but you absolutely can have an EHCP from birth. You can apply yourself for a local authority needs assessment and I'd say do it sooner rather than later to get things in place for nursery/childcare.

Have a look at the IPSEA website. Not a dig at you kateyjane but it still amazes me how many sencos don't know about this, and I suspect it's largely because the LA spread such bollocks as "fact" when actually it's just local policy and has no legal standing.

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Flopjustwantscoffee · 17/07/2017 23:03

I'm a wohp and my living room is spotless during the day... because none of us are in it. When we come home my Ds upends it in 5 minutes some days while I put tea on (normally something prepreoared so only needs microwaving) then we eat, play together, thenI try to get him to tidy up, then I give up and do bedtime, then when he finally goes down I sort through the mess of toys, sticky food on floor and table. My point is I bet your friends houses are only tidy at specific points in the day...

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MommaGee · 17/07/2017 23:07

We have an ECHP I think for nursery in September. I guess we wouldn't need it for anything more? Currently get portage and will have it until hand over at nursery.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool I have learnt to speed wee and have been known to run down stairs without my pants up hahaha. I also realise I eat at twice the speed of most people!

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cestlavielife · 17/07/2017 23:13

Books and songs and videos teach colours
Going out for a walk look at the red car look at the green grass
You don't need to sit and teach anything
Be easier on yourself
Get more help

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Calvinlookingforhobbs · 17/07/2017 23:16

OP, I hope things get easier. It reads as though you are doing a good job in difficult circumstances. I have no experience of SN and have every respect for you. Take care and be kind to yourself! Ultimately in ten years time you won't care if the washing went out and dishes were done but the quality time and care you give your son will have a lasting impact. You're doing just great!

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ingeniusnonsense · 18/07/2017 00:00

OP not sure what you have but that's not an EHCP - the child has it until they're 25 and should be reviewed annually. (That's the utopian theory anyway!)

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MommaGee · 18/07/2017 01:08

I don't know. There doing whatever they need to do to get him high level 121 for nursery. Atm in happy to trust them that they know what he needs for nursery

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Swizzlegiggle · 18/07/2017 09:14

I think you're doing a great job in difficult circumstances.
DD was NG tube fed from 6-18 months and as she got more mobile getting her to sit still and feed her was a nightmare! I also found my life revolved around her feeds and felt I was always watching the clock until the next feed and that was without having to have o2 which must add a whole new level of difficulty when you have a busy toddler.
We also were at SALT for feeding too and I found implementing all their advice in our day to day setting as well as feeding her quite enough for me to deal with in a day.
I was relieved when I went back to work. Our nursery was supportive enough to learn the tube and we got 15 hours free childcare once she was 2 which was a welcome break.
Don't stress about getting the housework done. We just leave it a mess during the day and have a night tidy up once she's gone to bed. Your little boy sounds lovely. Just enjoy being with him and don't worry. You're doing a great job.
Am also in midlands so feel free to PM me if you like x

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HeadDreamer · 18/07/2017 09:18

Don't beat yourself up. Every child is different. Mine are really good at entertaining themselves. Currently I have a 2 year old at home due to D&V. She's downstairs watching the tablet, while I try to cram some work in before she needs my attention. I'm working from home for her illness instead of taking leave. Both DCs have been that good. In the weekends, they'll play nicely together with minimal mediation by me or DH.

So when you hear others managing or have lots of spare time, it might well be them having easy children.

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HeadDreamer · 18/07/2017 09:18

Especially given your child has medical problems too!

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MommaGee · 18/07/2017 09:19

Thanks swizzle its fab your DD is off the tube now - how old is she?
He is great. Currently sat silently communing with Bing Bunny whilst we wait for the bus. He's awesome with how far he's come and I dint want to miss all that under a pile of housework x

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Swizzlegiggle · 18/07/2017 09:40

DD is 3 next month.
Just be very proud of how far your little boy has come with your support xx

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Allfednonedead · 18/07/2017 09:46

You're doing amazingly. I feel so like you - can't cope, everyone else copes, I'm a failure - and my health visitor has been such a support.
Not that she actually gave any practical support, but she came around and sat down with me and LISTENED. Then she helped me talked through what the worst issues were and what I might do about them.
And she reassured me I was doing fine (see username!) and left me feeling so much calmer.
I know we're lucky to have an exceptionally lovely HV, but do you have anyone who could do this for you? Your DM, a friend, someone from your DC's support team?

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ppeatfruit · 18/07/2017 10:16

Lots of 2 yr. olds know their colours and lots of them DON'T know their colours and are also not talking very well! That's 2 yr. olds without SN's . You're doing very well Momma don't beat yourself up, go with the flow!

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MommaGee · 18/07/2017 14:26

I called the doctor and said I'd been feeling a bit down. And also that i needed one for DS as his eyes do a funny thing SO now she thinks I'm weird lol

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ppeatfruit · 18/07/2017 14:30

She won't think that, it's important to get LO's checked up.

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MommaGee · 18/07/2017 15:56

Awaiting a call back

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