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AIBU?

Being a decent SAHP ?

112 replies

MommaGee · 17/07/2017 14:27

So a SAHP with a 2 yo IMO should be able to:
Look after and entertain said toddler, keep on top of the day2daY housework (lunch, washing up, keeping the floor swept, toys etc) , have time to teach them animals, colours etc each day, get a load of washing done and a load on the line, and cook a proper dinner every night.

So why can't I?

Shopping half put away. Washing in the machine. Washing up and sides half done. Living room a bomb. Bedroom not ventured near since 8 am.
He's currently in the pushchair pretending he might nap. I'm having lunch.

He won't sit still including when he has his tube milk so I end up following him around with his pump. He's pretty good on his o2obut can get in a knot and a mess with it. He climbs on EVERYTHING so needs to be within my sight and would prefer me to be in the same room watching him, cuddling him or playing with him.

As I tidy up one set of toys he has something else out. His toys being accessible in the living room is the only place we have for them and I like him being able to play freely with them. But all of that is a lane excuse isn't it because everyone else manages. I have WOHP friends in very prestigious jobs with lots of stress and they manage.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm depressed and that's whyti find it hard to get going and do stuff but then I think maybe that's an excuse for being lazy.

DH is great and does his fair share and doesn't say anything but I just feel like I don't want to move if were in the house besides supervising the toddler

So not sure what my aibu is - to be so useless? but know tough love is over here

OP posts:
ingeniusnonsense · 17/07/2017 15:19

Why can't you take ADs? They are literally the only thing that has stopped me from faking my own death and starting a new life in Patagonia.

MommaGee · 17/07/2017 15:20

Previous OD using them... So could but won't. Categorical mental block.

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MommaGee · 17/07/2017 15:22

And Patagonia is stunning.

We do do freezer teas a fair bit. I started batch cooking but its just willpower again. Its giving up tine with my wonderful beautifyl5smart boy to cook. Who just woke up...

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SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 17/07/2017 15:22

YANBU! It's exhausting enough being the parent of a toddler, without adding in extra healthcare and educational needs.
If your DC gets midrate DLA, they're entitled to 15 hours' free nursery education a week.
That's been a lifesaver for me in terms of getting things done. You can choose whether to use the hours in term time or spread them out across the whole of the year.
The lack of groups during the holidays is a real problem. Our local learning disabilities charity runs events during the holidays, which helps. It might be worth speaking to your portage worker or looking at your council's local offer page to find out who might be offering something similar.

SummerMummy88 · 17/07/2017 15:25

You sound like a normal stay at home Mum, I'm at home with my littlies all day everyday too, my house is so much of a mess my husband has suggested we get a cleaner every week. I online shop because who can be bothered to drag kids around a supermarket and we often have easy dinners like pasta because there is never enough time to get things done. I'd rather play in the paddling pool with my kids or take them to the park, kids will remember you playing with them not a tidy well kept home or extravagant meals.
Cut yourself some slack, we all feel like we are failing. Your doing good enough. X

MommaGee · 17/07/2017 15:25

September something subject to funding and recruiting a 121. He's not long 2 so yo just become eligible.

There's nothing here, a coffee moning5one day I can't do. I need to try and tie my fellow parents down to some at dates to keep up in routine and (relative) sanity

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ppeatfruit · 17/07/2017 15:25

Momma forget the formal 'teaching' bit ( I speak as a teacher Grin ) Just take him to the park or at least 'out' every day and TALK and SING rhymes etc. to him about everything , also read to him. he'll pick up the other stuff , honest! You know, as you go upstairs count them with him, it's called living, not teaching!!!

mumonashoestring · 17/07/2017 15:28

I have distinct memories of going round the house tidying when DS was 18 months old with him following me 'untidying' as I went. Putting shopping away meant stopping every few minutes to get him out of the shopping bags, or stop him emptying drawers, or licking the cat or somesuch. Batch cooking is great if you have the chance to do it (I sometimes used to catch up a bit at weekends if DS would happily stay with DH) but quite honestly things like Lidl ready-made lasagna and garlic bread were my go-to's. I swapped with DH and he took over as SAHP and things didn't get any easier for him either until DS started doing nursery hours - and all that's with a child that might possibly be on the spectrum but doesn't have/hasn't had any unusual physical care needs or feeding needs.

You are doing well, you are doing enough, and you will get through it. And seriously, if there's any question of depression, get over to the GP and see what they can do about it. It's like any other illness, if you need help or medication, then you need it.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 17/07/2017 15:30

Ah, right, September - hang in there! And I find making a plan for the holidays helps, including rounding up parents in the same situation. Everyone's glad of a chance to do something fun but with other adults as well as the DCs.

MommaGee · 17/07/2017 15:32

Can I whine ppeat that all the other 2 yo's know their colours ๐Ÿ˜ข ?? I sing, he signs two and asks for those songs. He loves loves his books and is one of the few ways to get him to sit still for 30 seconds haha

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TheABC · 17/07/2017 15:33

I managed the bra and a basket of washing on the line today! So from the outside it appears I have my shit together. However...

DS (4 years) has industriously spread megablocks across the kitchen and living room. CBeebies is on. I have given up on taking him to gymnastics this afternoon as it's stiflingly hot and both kids are knackered. DD (1 year) is having another breastfeed. She screams if I put her down, so tea will be whatever I can lob from the freezer into the oven. I may drag the water play table out to distract them, during cooking.

You sound like you are doing bloody well with a non-verbal, non-sleeping tiny tyrant. You are looking after him around the clock and if he is happy, safe and fed, you are doing well. My tips for a less stressful life are;

-pre chopped frozen veg. It saves time and the use of a hand.

  • Lidded thermos cup for tea. Essential after a crap night and does not spill easily.
  • Get boxes for the toys. We use ikea shelving and everything just gets chucked into a box before tea. I am gradually training the kids to do this as "tidy up time." Also be utterly ruthless about clutter. I have a mass clear out every 6 months or so.
  • The more time you spend out, the less chance of the house getting dirty. Summer holidays suck, but take a look at facebook groups, mummysocial and download the Hoop app - it tells you what is on in your area for your kid's age group.


Like you, I am dreading the summer holidays, but I hope this helps.
PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 17/07/2017 15:36

I never managed it. Dd in bed and I'm sat watching tele. I will have a bit of a tidy up later but other than that our house is pretty much a working mess!

justkeepswimmingg · 17/07/2017 15:37

Momma these are orchard games.. https://www.orchardtoys.com/dept/first-games_d0117.htm?sid=4128769 you can get all different kinds to teach all different things. They're the only games my 2 yo seems to sit still for! They also have puzzles Smile.
Making other mum friends will be a life saver for you as a SAHP (if you don't already have your group of mum friends). There are websites (such as mummy social), that can connect you to other mums. It half saves my sanity.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 17/07/2017 15:38

My DD is 3 yrs 4 months and doesn't know her colours. She does, however, know where to find YouTube Kids on my phone and her favourite episodes of Peppa. Modern skillz, innit.

MrsPear · 17/07/2017 15:39

I didn't get on top of being a sahm until the youngest started pre school - h paid for him to go early at 2.5. No formal learning here but we went to the park, did the occasional group, home disco with singing, painting and sticking when I could be arsed (mess) and orchard games/puzzles. Not all in one day but we did something everyday as otherwise I would go mad.

Hang in till September. Oh regards to speech we did positivity and repeating.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 17/07/2017 15:39

He might like the Orchard Toys postbox game, which is for teaching colours.

AtomHeart · 17/07/2017 15:39

Personally, I couldn't bear it which is why I went back to work part time - just for my sanity!

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 17/07/2017 15:41

As a PP said, the Hoop app is fantastic.

MommaGee · 17/07/2017 15:41

I have two mommy friends from NCT and some special mommy friends from special play group as well as a wider group who are most spread so definitely need to muster the troops

Also be utterly ruthless about clutter. I have a mass clear out every 6 months or so haha that a whole different thread, I'm a squirrel! Lots of boxes of toys, half the problem some would say. Spoilt child haha

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kateyjane · 17/07/2017 15:42

Give yourself a break! Flowers. My fourth child is still tube fed, but was on home oxygen from 18 months until he was 4. It's hard!

I went back to work full time when he was 4.5 months and in some ways it was easier. We got special needs funding for support in his nursery place (not with normal fees - just an extra person so he was safe - he too got frequently tangled in his oxygen wires ๐Ÿ˜€) when he was a bit older his grandad made him a great truck to carry the tank in. He loved this!

He's now in mainstream school and a cheeky monkey (now 7). If you didn't ever see his tube you wouldn't know anything was wrong. He has an EHC Plan, which means that a TA manages his gastrostomy at school. We had to fight for this, as his needs are purely medical and he doesn't have any academic learning needs (if you ever need support with this pm me).

There is light at the end of the tunnel. It is hard and I feel your pain. I promise you that nobody is judging you on your house - most people are just grateful that they are not in your shoes and have nothing but sympathy and support. (If they don't they are not worth knowing).

Just do one small task everyday (whatever you can manage) and celebrate it! Your son is everything- enjoy your time with him and it will get easier as he gets older - I promise!

You're doing great! Do not underestimate just how much you do everyday and remember beans on toast is a perfectly balanced meal Grin

MommaGee · 17/07/2017 15:43

Thanks juatkeepswimming

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FoofFighter · 17/07/2017 15:49

I think you're being far too hard on yourself. Especially with having a toddler with extra needs that sound like he needs supervising pretty much constantly. Have some Flowers Cake and Brew

BTW everyone else does NOT live in a showhome, honest!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 17/07/2017 15:51

Where are you MommaGee if you're NE based give me a shout and our toddlers can terrorise the local parks/museums/beaches Grin

You're honestly doing fab!

I had a quick bath this morning (baby vomit) and let toddler to eat her yoghurt plonked in front of the nanny in the corner (I could hear her and if I leant out see her, it's a downstairs bathroom) she came toddling through proud as punch because she'd finished her yoghurt... and let the cat lick her fingers clean ๐Ÿ™ˆ

Crabbo · 17/07/2017 15:56

I'd just about got a handle on things, but now I'm pregnant and it's all gone out the window again. My dd isn't non-verbal but she is pretty speech delayed and it is hard so I can't imagine having extra difficulties to deal with as well. I don't tidy up toys etc until just before dh is home as they'll just come right out again anyway. Also rarely cook until he's home, I need him on toddler wrangling duty so I can get on with it. It's either him or Peppa Pig...

MommaGee · 17/07/2017 15:59

Aww Midlands necumenical unfortunately

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