To be fed up with this?

[Finewines]

Crappy weekend. Yesterday evening my kettle broke. At lunchtime my cooker stopped working. This evening my microwave doesn't heat anything. Oh and my bathroom sink is leaking.

Cooker is hopefully under warranty though how long it'll take to fix is another matter. But the other stuff has to be replaced, requiring time and money.

I was pretty pissed off with this but DPs attitude is just oh well it's only money, you have to accept things break.

I said not normally all in 24 hours and got told there was no point moaning at him , he can't fix any of it.

I feel really quite unimpressed. It's easy to tell me to spend my money- we don't live together, though he has meals here almost every night. I can afford a new kettle and microwave. That's not really the point though.

He has been supportive in the past (although even then he wouldn't just do something without bring asked) but in the last year has had lots of issues. I have had to deal with a lot.

I don't feel anyone cares about me, about how I'm feeling. His family ask me how he is, if I'm helping him. At work other peoples needs are more important than mine. I read a thread on here this weekend about someone having been bought a gift by a friend because of how well they were coping on their own. That's never happened to me, I've never even been told I'm doing a good job.

That's not specifically at DP btw, no one full stop has said that.

Just as further example of everything being on me...

I got a cleaner a few weeks back to try and make my life easier. Week 1 she couldn't use my vacuum. She'd taken the hose apart for some reason. I sorted that out luckily. Then there was some other drama. The latest now is her cars broken so she texts me to tell her how she can get to my house from public transport. Wtf!

I've got someone doing some insurance work for me. He's being paid by them, so not (I assume) dome 1 man band. He needs to come and show me some samples etc so I can make a decision. I say that's fine, any evening after 6.30. He can't remember that apparently and I have to phone him one eve after 8 to remind him and see if he can come the following evening!

Work is no better. Oh, and someone I know recommended me a gardener as I need a (mostly dead) tree cut down. This guy has worked for her and her family for years, very reliable. He came to look at it within a couple of days. 6 weeks later I've not had even a rough idea of cost, just a lot of procrastination.

Hugs

You are doing so well and it's hard if you have to think of every detail without anyone saying, 'it's okay, I've got this bit sorted'.

On a practical note - we hardly ever use our main oven, you can microwave veggies and we use
this

It's a halogen oven, it cooks beige food (please don't judge) better than anything else, cooks joints, casseroles etc. The one I linked to (randomly, I can't remember our model) costs less than £35 delivered. It does awesome baked potatoes. It is also slightly cheaper to run, apparently.

To be honest, we use that and a combi microwave for almost everything. Will your work allow stuff like that to be delivered to your workplace? Because Amazon do have a load of stuff like that.

Sending hugs and positive vibes.

I'm sorry OP but you do sound like a complete drama queen.

You're coming off as entitled and immature and well versed in how to throw a pity party...

All of these things are normal, perfectly normal, literally, nothing to see here.

Re you cleaner - you complain about your own car, but can't find enough empathy when her car breaks down to text a bus number and nearest stop? You decide it's a drama?

Also it's perfectly normal/expected to show a new member of staff how equipment works - like the vacuum cleaner.

Insurance man - you don't set a specific day and time - and complain about that - why not just say Wednesday at 7pm.

Re tree man, so he's been in touch, what does 'procrastination' mean?
He's got good references so maybe he does't want to work for a nightmare client, not worth it?

Re your partner, so he was 'supportive' what ever your version of that means, which you seem to take as until he had health issues?

Re him coming to yours, well you've got kids, they can hardly go to his?

Sounds like he's trying to put reasonable boundaries in place - perhaps 'everyone' is trying to warn you that you are going to push him away.

He's still offered to give you a lift to the store - why do you expect him to pay for your kitchen essentials, you have the money.

Work -it's none of your business what other arrangements people have in work - sounds like one colleague had an issue with child care and like an adult she made an arrangement with work to sort it out.

Some people would pay to have your problems they really would.

People help people who help themselves - I learn to avoid you very quickly because of of your bitterness and negativity, some people create problems, some people find solutions.

Maybe a counsellor would help you figure all of this out.
.

Just read your latest update OP, sorry but do you realize everybody has to deal with this kind of things?
Yes, when you live with another adult you can share the load, but 1) one of the adults still has to do it and 2) you have to compromise on things because you live together.

Do you want to live with your DP? Is he the one insisting he has his own place but stays at yours most of the time?
If he has his own place to pay for, including replacing broken things, waiting for deliveries, etc, then why would he pay for yours? Contribution for food yes, electricity why not, but that's it.

Yeah cool what a patronising goady fucker you are.

People would pay to have my problems. Really? That's bullshit. I doubt a single person would willingly swap places with me.

I am not directory fucking enquiries. I should not have to provide bus times. Its all on that thing called the internet. And I'd shown her how the vacuum worked (one button, that says on. No special hi tech controls).

I shouldn't have to call the insurance guy to remind him to call me. Wtf can't he remind himself, I'm not his secretary! I told him when I was free expecting him to say a day he could do, not to tell me to call him again to remind him to work that out.

The gardener...hes been in touch (when I've chased him) saying bear with me. I just want a rough price not an itemised invoice.

Other peoples 'issues' at work trump mine every time. That isn't fair or equal. And when you have childcare problems because you can't be bothered to pay for childcare your colleague shouldn't have to pick up the slack constantly.

People don't help people who help themselves that's some pseudo fridge magnet bollocks. What actually happens is you get expected to fix everyone's problems, like telling them how to get to work, or organising their diary for them. I do everything myself. I have never had any help. How exactly am I not helping myself?!

Anyway off to waste my hard earned salary on electrical goods. Again.

That sounds like a whole load of shit for one person do deal with, yes, it's all small things but I can't imagine what it must be like to always always always have to be the one to sort everything out, that you can't, just one time, say, look, can you sort this one out, I'm knackered, cheers.

It's the emotional support as well as the practical that sounds missing, all he needed to do was sympathise, empathise, pour you a glass of wine and say, right, let's go through everything one at a time and we can get it sorted, together. Because that's what a partner would do.

and for later, OP. I'd make a list and slowly work through it one at a time. And I would have a good think about this boyfriend - because he's not really a partner, is he? So I wouldn't call him one.

We can't live together for various reasons I won't go into.

I did think I wanted to, when it was possible. I'm not sure now. I don't want to be the person doing everything forever. I am physically and emotionally tired.

It would be nice for him to buy something just because. Like the poster upthread whose DP bought and installed a shower. Id be happy with a kettle, or just some small item. But it's not my birthday so obviously I'll buy it myself. No one else is going to.

Honestly you sound like such a martyr.

It's little wonder he dismissed your complaint if that's how you normal go on, being in a relationship or friendship with someone constantly negative is vey very draining.

You need to get over the fact that it's you that always has to do things. That's life. We all have responsibilities.

yeahcool was not being patronising or goady. Stop being nasty to people's who have taken the time to write to you.

I doubt a single person would willingly swap places with me.

You have a job, a home, food, electricity - count yourself lucky and better off than billions of people on this planet.

Actually loads of people have few or no responsibilities, they offload them to others! Read a few threads on here about manchildren or entitled friends or relatives!

Think I'm being a martyr if you like. I don't but it doesn't matter either way does it, its not going to change my immediate situation.

It's patently obvious that post wasn't being nice. It was picking holes in everything id said and telling me I'm the entire problem. Plenty of people have posted helpful comments or showed genuine concern. That posters deliberately inflammatory comments did neither.

They are permitted to post shitty comments, just as I'm permitted to respond calling them on it.

Wow, just wow... you are amazing

I don't know where to start and I don't think that there's much point really, it'll just provoke another temper tantrum.

But God loves a tryer.

Re; Your cleaner - maybe she doesn't have the luxury of wifi or a laptop- just expensive data on a PAYG phone?

Maybe she didn't think it would be such a big deal to ask a bus stop with a free text?

You know, considering she's just lost her main form of transport to work.

Re Insurance and tree man, the world does not revolve around you. You need them more than they need you - your responsibility to sort it.

Your work colleague is working from home - count yourself lucky that you can afford childcare.

You are displaying the mentality and emotional maturity of a spoilt child.

Who would swap place with you?

Everyone who doesn't have a job.

Everyone who doesn't have a home - let alone a garden.

Everyone who doesn't have the means to replace items.

Everyone who has a child with ill-health

Everyone not in good health themselves _ I get that's why you've decided not to move in with your boyfriend - he's now got ill-health?

That's fair enough, but you should let him go, not for your sake, for his - he deserves better than this, maybe he's planning his escape anyway.

And yes, that's what work/salary is for - to buy life's essentials - why do you not get what the basic responsibilities of being an adult are?

Why do expect other people to do this for you?

No-one else is responsible for you - apart from you - this is definition of adulthood.

Technically I am in a far worse position than you but my attitude makes me far richer.

I count my blessings every day.

Try reading LonelyMummyofOne's posts - she's amazing and her posts never have a whiff of this attitude.

Seriously go see a counsellor, your attitude is toxic.

Gosh, why not actually reading my posts rather than engaging in nonsensical hyperbole.

You assume I'm in good health. I'm not.

You assume my questioning if I want to live together is made based on DPs health. It's not.

My colleague because he has a cock and balls is paid 50% more than me. So tell me again why he can't afford childcare?

You assume practically everything and are wrong on every single score.

Drip drip drip...astonished you didn't share your 'ill-health' before considering your self-pitying martyrdom.

So your colleague is senior - and has pro actively and effectively care of his responsibilities like an adult instead of expecting the world around him to do that for him.

You don't really know anything about his life either do you or it's none of your business.

Again, signing off now - as in real life, best to swerve people with this toxic attitude.

No dripfeeding. Before your inflammatory comments no one had asked about my health. I'm not subject to the DDA. But I am in frequent discomfort, and awaiting surgery.

But I'm sure everyone else is too.

Colleague (oh dear, those assumptions again, you can't stop getting it wrong, can you?) is in the same role as me but less qualified and experienced. So not senior to me, just paid for having a penis. And taking care of your responsibilities is paying for childcare not expecting your colleagues to accommodate bullshit working from home which actually means looking after your kids all day. How bizarre that you think otherwise

Whatever you say my dear, whatever you say.

The only problem you have is your refusal to accept the responsibilities of adulthood and the bitterness and toxicity towards everyone who doesn't indulge or pander to your self-pity and martyrdom or baby you.

All this energy could have been spent, y'know buying a kettle.

There's some nasty people here these days

There's some awful toxicity on AIBU that is damaging the whole site. 'To help make parents' lives easier' my arse.

A lot of the time its a bunch of women pouncing to make another woman feel like shit. Gloating that a woman has troubles and is with a man who is distant, and unsupportive,and can't offer sympathy when she feels like shit. All the lecturing, too. So nasty. OP if you're still here have this thread moved to Relationships you will get measured advice there

Agreed 100%

It's blatantly obvious the OP is struggling right now. you might as well say that no-one living in the Uk has the right to admit to struggling because life is so much harsher in Syria. Fucking brainless thing to suggest.

The OP is obviously struggling right now, and feeling overwhelmed with her responsibilities and this may well be the straw that broke the camels back.

A little bit of sympathy can go a long way to help someone who is seriously stressed to such an extent it may be effecting their MH.

OP your DP doesn't seem very supportive towards you. But you seem very very stressed and anxious about a normal (albeit very busy) lifestyle. It might be worth considering a trip to the GP if there really is no realistic way you can simplify your life right now. Good luck.

Thanks to those posters who were supportive and not just putting the boot in.

I have realised that it's been over 20 years since I was last able to relinquish any responsibility for any aspect of my life. I've never been able to share the load at all in that time, not at home and actually not at work either.

My GP is of the 'pull yourself together' variety. I did have some counselling for anxiety but it was token, and offered no solution, perhaps because there isn't one.

I may start a new thread in Relationships once I'm more sure what the issues here are.