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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with this?

103 replies

Finewines · 16/07/2017 22:07

Crappy weekend. Yesterday evening my kettle broke. At lunchtime my cooker stopped working. This evening my microwave doesn't heat anything. Oh and my bathroom sink is leaking.

Cooker is hopefully under warranty though how long it'll take to fix is another matter. But the other stuff has to be replaced, requiring time and money.

I was pretty pissed off with this but DPs attitude is just oh well it's only money, you have to accept things break.

I said not normally all in 24 hours and got told there was no point moaning at him , he can't fix any of it.

I feel really quite unimpressed. It's easy to tell me to spend my money- we don't live together, though he has meals here almost every night. I can afford a new kettle and microwave. That's not really the point though.

OP posts:
mygorgeousmilo · 16/07/2017 22:51

Oh and sorry to add, your partner is a cocklodger

Original poster
Finewines · 16/07/2017 22:53

My house, my problem, my expense.

OP posts:
Lynnm63 · 16/07/2017 22:57

Does he give you money to cover his meals or does he just turn up like a lost dog looking for a meal. As you're cooking for him every night why doesn't he replace the cooker or at least pay towards it. Why couldn't he feed you and dc at his for a few days?
In fact what does he do to make your life better or easier? He must be a great shag as from the sounds of it he's not supporting you in any other way.

Justhadmyhaircut · 16/07/2017 22:57

Get rid of bf. .
But be glad your worries are only small material issues.

Given the state of recent news etc. .

StormFrontage · 16/07/2017 22:58

I had a 'partner' like this, once, before I met my now v helpful DP.

I was much happier ending it with him, the ex, and going it alone. I had more time, more head space, more money (didn't have to feed him loads in return for his contributory bottle of plonk) and less resentment.

Feel for you Flowers

Fintress · 16/07/2017 22:58

We had our boiler condemned, the cooker went on the blink and a flood under a floor in our house, all at the same time, it was December and it was baltic. Gas engineers couldn't find the leak and we had to get a specialist company in and ended up with half our kitchen ripped out due to where leak was. It wasn't pleasant but we got through it.

Original poster
Finewines · 16/07/2017 23:04

He makes a contribution to shopping costs every few weeks and cooks about 50% of the time. So it's not like he just waits for his dinner.

Can't really eat at his, his place is tiny.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 16/07/2017 23:05

I can see his point. Sometimes shit happens and moaning about it doesnt alter anything. However, a bit of sympathy wouldnt go amiss.

Also, it is your house so yes, it is your problem. However.....if he is eating there every single night then its in his interests to help you out. My sister bought DD a new kettle and toaster the other day because she needed one and DSis was going shopping anyway, its just what you do to help people out.

Does he bring anything positive to your life because you sound like you dont like him very much and I wonder why that is. Is he generally a piss taker?

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/07/2017 23:07

If bad stuff happens and we mention it at work (e.g.), it is the social norm to say 'Oh dear, that is shit. Sorry' or words to that effect. You wouldn't say 'Well what do you expect? Shit breaks!', or at least most people wouldn't.

The same social rules apply in relationships. In fact in relationships an unsympathetic reply like the second one feels much worse than it would at work, because you should have a reasonable expectation of being comforted by a partner (less so with a work colleague).

Sorry op, it does genunely sound crap. It also feels like a small reminder that the other person doesn't want to look after you the way you'd want to look after them if the tables were reversed; that's upsetting too.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 16/07/2017 23:10

Sounds like the stuff all going wrong and his reaction to it has brought it home how unsupportive he is in general.

You need to have a bit of a chat I think.

Migraleve · 16/07/2017 23:13

Why are you so angry that everything is down to you? It's your house, that's life!

HeddaGarbled · 16/07/2017 23:15

YANBU to be fed up about all the things going Kaput but YABU to take it out on your boyfriend for not saying exactly what you wanted him to say.

From your updates, it doesn't sound like there is anything he could do that he isn't already doing or that you think would be helpful. Some people are good at all that psychological stroking, some people like to leap into action and do helpful practical things. I'm guessing he's in the latter category - a lot of men are. Phone a friend if you just want a sympathetic ear while you have a whinge.

StormFrontage · 16/07/2017 23:15

It's because he's so unsupportive.

OoohSmooch · 16/07/2017 23:15

I love your partners outlook on this, it's done, they're broken, move on. Yes it's money but that's the world we live in, it sucks sometimes.

but that's just how it is, right?

Yes.

I don't blame your partner for not wanting to get involved in your doom and gloom pit about broken household items. I'm sure you'd be a lot more happier in life if you let the little things go.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 16/07/2017 23:18

Oh - that's so annoying! Typical that they all went at the same time!

One (hopefully vaguely helpful) thought - you can get microwaves that are also ovens. So that would tide you over until you can get the oven fixed. They are more expensive but heat up much quicker (saving vital time after work plus presumably saving electricity). We cook everything in ours but Sunday lunch!

HellonHeels · 16/07/2017 23:18

He sounds like a shit partner - unsympathetic, unhelpful.

Sorry you've been hit by all the breakdowns at once. For my own kitchen I'd prioritise the new cooker over the microwave and the kettle. You can boil a pan of water for boiling water and I only use the microwave for heating the odd ready meal. I realise your cooking needs may be different though. John Lewis is pretty good for delivery and fitting of appliances + removin old ones.

I'd get the minimum kitchen needs so ted and think seriously about how much joy and happiness and support your "D"P brings you. Maybe you'd feel better without him.

Original poster
Finewines · 16/07/2017 23:20

Yes maybe I'll just spend all my money constantly replacing everything and then when I have no money left will I be allowed to complain?! £400 in May, £350 in June. Plus all normal household expenses.

I'm sick of everything breaking or going wrong, it is constant. But I can't complain or be upset I just have to put up with it right?

I don't have friends to phone for a chat, I don't have those sort of friends.

OP posts:
yeahcool · 16/07/2017 23:23

Devil's avocado and all that - are you sure you don't turn a (sort of) crisis into a drama and he's trying not to feed that?

I had to cut a friend out cos that's how she rolled and it was exhausting.

Don't get me wrong, your situation sucks, it does, but also it is life, you've just got to get on with it.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 16/07/2017 23:25

I understand what you're saying about his attitude. It's part of the reason one ex, is an ex. It's dismissive, unsupportive & irritating.

He doesn't sound very nice, are you sure you are actually happier with him than on your own? I think life is easier on your own, so the other person really has to make you happy to make it worth it.

Hopefully you've had your awful run of broken things now & all other appliances & gadgets will behave themselves!

Original poster
Finewines · 16/07/2017 23:28

Maybe I do get more upset than some people but maybe I'm entitled to, because every single shit thing that happens is down to me and me alone to pay for and sort out and always has been. I'm a single parent and I don't have an extended family actually I don't have any family. It's just me. I don't have the luxury of working pt either so I can sort stuff out in all my free time.i have to squeeze every single thing into my lunch hour or before or after work.

OP posts:
Tofutti · 16/07/2017 23:28

How much time does he spend at yours? If he's going to be using the kettle, microwave, cooker every day, he shouldy well contribute.

And he's costing you gas, leccie, water etc. Bet his bills are small.

He needs to pay his share, not make the odd contribution.

yeahcool · 16/07/2017 23:29

On a practical note - try freecycle for the kettle, you may even be lucky with a microwave too.

keep calm and carry on (sorry)

Tofutti · 16/07/2017 23:30

Microwaves are half price (£35) in Next at the mo. 20 litres. Cream, black or red.

Original poster
Finewines · 16/07/2017 23:30

I've been out of relationships for much more of my adult life than I've been in them. I have no fear of being on my own.

OP posts:
LisaMed1 · 16/07/2017 23:31

Sending hugs. We once went through over £7k in six months - new boiler, clutch on car, tv, toaster, printer, washing machine, etc etc etc. If it had a plug, it broke. We even ended up with an invasion of mice because of something that happened to a neighbour! If you haven't had that awful, unrelenting list of fails then you cannot imagine how heavy it weighs and how hard the next on the list hits you.

I'm sorry you're not getting support from your boyfriend. Perhaps he can eat elsewhere until you have sorted stuff out. It may focus his mind on exactly how much he is getting out of this and whether he wants to be in this with you or not.

Good luck.

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