To be fed up with this?

[Finewines]

Crappy weekend. Yesterday evening my kettle broke. At lunchtime my cooker stopped working. This evening my microwave doesn't heat anything. Oh and my bathroom sink is leaking.

Cooker is hopefully under warranty though how long it'll take to fix is another matter. But the other stuff has to be replaced, requiring time and money.

I was pretty pissed off with this but DPs attitude is just oh well it's only money, you have to accept things break.

I said not normally all in 24 hours and got told there was no point moaning at him , he can't fix any of it.

I feel really quite unimpressed. It's easy to tell me to spend my money- we don't live together, though he has meals here almost every night. I can afford a new kettle and microwave. That's not really the point though.

6 years for a microwave and 4 for a kettle aren't bad. 2 years for a cooker is shit though. I hope it is under warranty.

Sounds like you have a broken relationship though, which is more worrying. How long has that held out?

It sounds like you're taking this way too personally. Stuff does break, it's shit, I know, it happens to all of us. Stuff just isn't manufactured to last anymore.

Yes, he could give you some sympathy, but if it's your house, then it really is your problem. It would be different if he lived there with you, but he doesn't. You don't have to have him eating at yours every night.

You could say: "if you want to eat at mine tonight, can you bring a takeaway, or cook, or whatever?" - because it's not fair if you're paying for all his evening meals.

Microwaves and kettles can be fairly cheap to replace. A cooker not so.
Our cooker blew up just after xmas a couple of years ago.
One wage and three young kids at the time and skint due to xmas.
I spent two weeks using a slow cooker to roast joints and then the microwave to steam veg etc etc.
Beans or egg and spaghetti on toast is always a good quick one to do.
I see where your coming from but op it's your house and responsibility and even at times when it's crappy ultimately it still falls to you.
Be proud that you can manage juggling work kids life and a home.
That takes a lot.
Turn the negative into a positive.
You sound pretty pissed off about it.
If your dp is generally always so unsupportive maybe you should be trading him in for a better model

I still struggle to understand your problem. You're right, there really is no point moaning at your partner that stuff breaks on a Sunday and can't immediately be replaced - it's not his fault, and there is nothing he can do about it. And yes, if it's stuff in your house where only you and your child live, of course it's down to you to replace it.

I think the main issue here is that you wanted a bit of sympathy, an offer of help, and perhaps even a contribution from your partner. You got none of that, so on top of feeling already massively pissed off, you're doubly annoyed.

Practically, I'd suggest the possibility of renting kitchen stuff, instead of buying it, for now. No major outlay, they'll deliver & install, and if it goes wrong, they have to repair/replace. No, it's not ideal, but it means you don't have to fork out a huge sum all in one go.

Yes but the OP works full time so can't be in to wait for delivery and installation. It's a ballache.

Lots of 'we' and 'us' replies, about getting through it.

The whole point of OP's OP is that her 'partner' is distancing himself from dealing with it. It's just her. Again.

You know no one ever tells me I do a good job. That managing everything I do is an achievement.

I get less allowances at work than colleagues who are married, because their lives are so much harder than mine apparently. Everyone says I'm so very lucky to have DP, I should look after him, he's got some health issues...so I have to be considerate of him etc.

StormFrontage

But her partner doesn't live there? Maybe he works full time too?

If you flipped it and OP was saying her Dp was expecting her to collect or wait in for a delivery or maybe even contribute for essential kitchen items for his house then what would the responses be?

OP even has the money to cover it - it's time management really.

Paying a bit extra for evening delivery/Saturday installation for the microwave and cooker, pick up a kettle from the supermarket...

I'm in exactly the same situation as OP and I get that it's a drag, but it's just part and parcel of being an adult - a lot of the time it sucks, but sometimes it goes the other way too.

A contribution to the shopping every few weeks doesn't cut it if he's eating at yours most days! He's costing you money in extra food, and saving himself the gas, electric and water bills.

He seems to have mistaken you for a free restaurant.

Thanks Storm, that's it.

I'm not a we. I never have been, not in this or previous relationships.

Crying now because I'm actually really touched as being told to be proud of what I do 😓

You should be massively proud. I do get it. It's a lonely hard road sometimes.

I did find a partner eventually who equally wanted to be a 'we'. Maybe that's it. That's what changes things for the better. Otherwise tbh I'd rather have stayed properly single.

Sorry op it all sounds a bit naff especially when stuff breaks all at once. It happens though. I have a barely used bank account with a little bit of cash sitting in it (500 quid) for last few years for stuff like this. Mainly for car repairs. I call it my 'tits up fuckery' fund lol.

Put maybe 100 quid a side each month....or even as little as 20 per month until you have a couple hundred for shit like this. Because it's never gonna be one thing..when stuff breaks it's always like the 10 plagues of Egypt.

Have you been with DP long? Just wondering when you guys will think about living together. He may be more supportive then. Sometimes men need to experience it first hand themselves to understand the gravity of it lol.

Hope this helps. Keep ya head up. You're doing a great job x

Fine it's ok to crack sometimes, it's ok to feel like everything is too much and too hard and get angry about it all. It's ok to cry and swear. It even helps a bit.

You're going to be ok though, you're doing just fine even if it doesn't feel like it. And I bet you do a kick ass job of being a parent and working and dealing with life

Unless you have several teenage boys a contribution to the shopping every few weeks isn't enough for you feeding him most days. He's not using any gas or electric either to cook or to heat and light his house whilst he's at yours. As someone else said his utility bills will be very low at your expense. If he wouldn't treat you all to a takeaway until this is sorted he's a twat. It wouldn't kill him to pick up a cooked chicken or similar or is shopping wifework too?

I think that some people (including my dh) have a brain that is wired up in such a way that they are unable to listen to you having a general moan and sympathise with you. They think you are moaning at them.

Some sort of strange autopilot kicks in and they believe they have to 'fix' the problem.

All you want to do is have a rant and get things off your chest, but they think you are only telling them because you are expecting them to sort it out for you.

YANBU to feel fed up of things going wrong, everyone does from time to time. But I'm not really sure what you mean by everything is down to you? If its your house and your property then who else would it be down to? Of course, I don't know your full circumstances, and everyone is different but I have made the decision to own a house, buy this buy that so its my responsibility.
I used to always think 'why me' but I worked hard to change my outlook on life, and I'm thinking clearer and feel 'lighter' emotionally if that makes sense.

Your DP is right, it is just how it is. Some people are just not sympathetic types of people, its not necessarily an intention to put you down.

Can you have the smaller items delivered to your work instead of home? A lot of people used to do this at my old place, made life easier. Or could you arrange deliveries when your DP is free, so he could come over and wait in? Have you asked?

It sounds like you need a break. Are you able to take some time off work to just spend by yourself and rest? Both physically and mentally. Even if a job isn't particularly hard, it can still be draining to deal with the same shit day in day out. It helps to just take a day or two off without making plans and just switching off for a while, if you can.

My now dh and I were a couple each with our own homes for 8 years while we waited on our kids getting to uni etc.

My home had one of those rubber showers that fits on the bath taps, had to have hot water ready. One evening he arrived with an electric shower under his arm and proceeded to fit it.

Some of my kitchen tiles were loose, he secured all of them.

This is what caring and support is about.

Partner of op doesn't have to be living there before giving a hand and making things easier for op. It would go a little way towards the perks he gets, evening meal etc....which tbf he cooks some of the time.

I think op is feeling taken for granted.....

I don't get the "your house your problem" attitude some PPs have - as if the man is just incidental not OPs partner. So being there for free meals and sex is enough of a 'contribution' to relationship?then hey, things are going wrong so he retreats and cant even sympathise. There for the good times only is fine, seems to be the implication. . Actually Id buy a kettle for a friend if all her stuff broke down at once, just to surprise her and cheer her up! I dont have to live in her house to care that she's down about stuff breaking and I dont have to judge either. OP I get why this is hugely irritating. Sounds as if you may as well be single, too. I dont live with OH but if stuff around here needs fixing and I can't do it he does it, if he can. If he can't, he'll sort someone who can. Its called caring and sharing. Hope you get all sorted soon

Just order online or do click and collect?

I use a stovetop kettle because it can't break and I don't have a cord on the counter top...I use no microwave...never have. You don't "need" one.

Cooker...you should be under warranty.

Get a stovetop kettle.

sorry hun.this sounds like one of those times where it should mean nothing but suddenly it all gets on top of you so feel RIGHTLY huge.and overwhelming.
remember the htoughts revolving in your head are creating more worrie and stories.it connecting your broken things to your woes with partner and then more worrie and stress comes.then more stories in your head bout no help.money,his lacking in certain things or telling you to just get over or through it.and so the stress builds.so try and just see the very right now incident.it will really help you sort it and stop the fug in your mind controlling your emotions.
can you click and collect.this emans you can order and get it in straight away but collect at a time convenient to you.obivously not with the bigger item.but usually they deliver every hour now so there should be a slot you can deal with.
meals think.
just right now to stop the upset think practically.
and then emotionaly I think this might be making your realie a few things wrong with life right now?
and you are doing a fab job.by living I a world that can be very tough and continuing to seek happiness continuing to do daily things.for being able to earn money that a fabulous thing.
for coming on here and feeling raw.that is very brave very strong.

and everyone problems are relative.
to illness to a stubbed toe.to that person in the moment it all is relevant,real and valid.
you can get through this.shit has been chucked at you but its manable I promise.
think about the lovly meal you might cook on your new cooker.or that warming cup of tea when you get kettle.
some shiny new things.
there is always sites like gumtree and stuff.you can get some great items if your lucky from people simply not wanting perfectly acceptable items.
try not to worry.and come offload here.its ok to be stressed over the small and big.its how you feel and that makes it ok.
and it isn't bad luck on you.its just mucky timing.xx

He works in the middle of nowhere so he wouldn't/ couldn't go and get anything. I could ask him to order someth8ibg online for me but frankly by the time I've worked out what I want, asked him if he'll order it, checked if he has, transfered money to him to cover the cost, it's less work to do it myself.

You would need to work out what you wanted if he or you got it

He either orders from it himself and pays for it there and then

Or you order it and get him to transfer money.

Both these actions wouldn't be needed.

You are putting obstacles in the way.

Everyone says I'm so very lucky to have DP, I should look after him, he's got some health issues...so I have to be considerate of him etc.

Who is 'everyone'? OP, you sound a bit 'woe is me'. Snap out of it, and lose the deadbeat boyfriend, he's the one bringing you down.

Everything is down to me. I often hear at work, outside of work, on here, of people's parents or siblings, or other relatives, or best mates, or partners, helping them out. Staying in for a delivery for them, picking something up, sorting stuff out, doing little DIY jobs without being asked, contacting tradesmen, lightening the load a little. I don't have that because all I have is a partner, he wouldn't wait on for a delivery I know because I asked him once before. Hence it's all down to me.

I can't take time off because I'min a small team, one colleague is off several days a week due to ongoing issues, and another is working from home for the next 3 weeks as it's school hols. I can't take any time off in that 3 weeks.

I'd rather be on my own than have a partner I can't rely on. He sounds shit OP. You deserve someone who is supportive and kind.