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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not unpack his suitcase?

124 replies

BroomHandledMouser · 15/07/2017 14:01

We went away in June for four nights abroad. DH has yet to unpack his suitcase

I've just returned from a friends house, and whilst I was talking about when to redecorate the room I mentioned that DH (the lazy bastard) hadn't managed to fully unpack his suitcase.

She was horrified and asked why I hadn't done it for him. I said that DH is a big boy and can do it himself.

She then remarked that he works all day I laughed and said we don't live in the 20's anymore. He works most weekends and sometimes late evenings, so I said he could do it when he had 5 minutes.

I work for DH but at home sorting invoices/payroll/etc. Now I'm looking st this case thinking shall I?

AIBU to leave it to him to sort? Am I satans sporn for not helping him out a little?

OP posts:

witsender · 15/07/2017 16:25

If my husband asked, I might. It would strike me as odd, as it doesn't take long and it is his bag so there would be some pretty mitigating circumstances for him to even ask. I do all the washing etc so it isn't a question if not being prepared to do it, just that it wouldn't occur to me to. If he left it I probably wouldn't notice, a d if I did I would assume there was nothing in it be wanted

C8H10N4O2 · 15/07/2017 16:27

I'm not sure why you are so disparaging of household chores.

And where was I disparaging of household chores?

Nikephorus · 15/07/2017 16:34

I think we all know that it's not that he doesn't have time, he just can't be arsed.
Well the OP did say that he works "most weekends and sometimes late evenings" so I think that probably takes most of his time...
Surely an even split of any relationship would see both partners doing an equivalent amount whether it's working in an outside-the-home / from home job or staying at home doing the chores / looking after the kids. OP's DH is clearly putting in the hours away from home 7 days a week and since OP does 25-30 hours of work at home then surely it makes sense that she does the majority (note that I'm not saying all) of the household chores? It doesn't actually take that long to keep a house clean & bung the washing in the machine so unless she has a baby or toddler to take care of I don't see that she can't manage to unpack his suitcase.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 15/07/2017 16:47

Would I hell unpack it.

I do the lists, all the planning, booking, organising, sorting washing before we go, packing the suitcases, unpacking at the other end (if necessary), repacking to come home, washing when we get back, unpacking mine and all kids stuff every single time we go away. Sod having to unpack DH's stuff as well. He is a grown man and perfectly capable no matter how much he works.

Notreallyarsed · 15/07/2017 16:49

I'm with Nike on this one.

Yvetteballs · 15/07/2017 16:52

Leave it and forget it, like he has.

teaandtoast · 15/07/2017 16:54

I don't see that she can't manage to unpack his suitcase.

I don't see that he can't manage to unpack his suitcase.
He managed to pack it, didn't he? Or did the op have to do that too?

DoubleCarrick · 15/07/2017 16:55

@constancecraving it's really not demeaning, not in the slightest. My DH is awesome and pitches in his fair share (naturally I do most as I'm on maternity leave) but he's a messy bugger and if I start picking up after him he gets messier and messier. However, if he were to say "any chance you could unpack the case?" I'd gladly help out.

RortyCrankle · 15/07/2017 17:02

Unless you have morphed into your DH's butler or valet, I would leave the case.

wellhonestly · 15/07/2017 17:07

I would never unpack DH's suitcase (I work more hours than he does but I would also never expect him to unpack mine - and to be fair, mine can be left for up to a week, he always unpacks his the moment he gets home!)

We do plenty other things for each other though. I do his laundry but he has to get his stuff into the laundry basket first. That's just the way it is here - I have never had to tell him, although I have had to tell the DCs!

llangennith · 15/07/2017 17:07

I'd unpack it purely to get the smelly laundry washed and get rid of the suitcase. But that's just me. YANBU.

gingerbreadkid · 15/07/2017 17:16

I'd probably unpack it. I'd make a big song and dance about it though and tell him he was to cook me a delicious dinner with wine to repay me

We normally share a bag/case when we're away together and he packs his own stuff but I unpack as it's easier, I want to get the washing on quick/back to normal asap. Otherwise who knows how long it would lie there!

However my DP does a LOT of other things around the house and with our kids.

Tenpastlate · 15/07/2017 17:22

To the people sating he works long hours, so OP should just unpack the suitcase for him.. How long would it take him to unpack it? Less than 3 minutes, straight into the washing basket.
He can't be bothered so why should OP be bothered to do it?

ConstanceCraving · 15/07/2017 17:27

Given that he works full time, most weekend and some evenings, he's probably knackered and can't be arsed with unpacking his case. Which is fine because he hasn't actually asked the OP to unpack it.

Notreallyarsed · 15/07/2017 17:32

Well who's going to wash it then? I think your logic may be flawed. If he's got to unpack it, he should feckin wash it too!

Notreallyarsed · 15/07/2017 17:32

Ugh bold fail!

Nikephorus · 15/07/2017 17:44

He can't be bothered so why should OP be bothered to do it?
Maybe because he's working 7 days a week to pay for the holiday that necessitated the suitcase?

MsPassepartout · 15/07/2017 18:10

I wouldn't be unpacking DHs suitcase unless he asked me to.

But at the minute I'm feeling hacked off about DHs slobbish ways.
Dirty clothes left wherever he's taken them off (even if it's less than 2 steps to the laundry basket), clean clothes left strewn around the room after he's been searching for a particular item; half drunk cups of coffee or cans of pop left in the middle of the floor for kids to knock over; keys and work passes randomly scattered around the house instead of being left on their dedicated hooks.... the list goes on....

So yeah, by the time I've dealt with all that unnecessary crap, emptying a suitcase is pretty low priority. And DH does tend to bang on about his busy job when things like the above are mentioned.

Naicehamshop · 15/07/2017 18:17

Are you the housemaid, op?
If so, get that bloody suitcase unpacked now!!

Oh - you are working inside and outside the home, and you thought you had a respectful and equal relationship with another responsible adult? Hmm... slightly more tricky. ..

MineKraftCheese · 15/07/2017 18:33

I'm bad at things like this. I once left a suitcase for a week or two, at which point DH asked if it was getting unpacked or was it part of the furniture now (in a lighthearted way, not sarcastic/angry) and I was embarrassed that I'd been so lazy, apologised and unpacked it next time I had five minutes free.

ovenchips · 15/07/2017 18:35

I think that task very much falls under the banner of WifeWork. I wouldn't do it.

I think though that SlimThisTime makes the most sense: *
*
I wouldn't bother
he is not bothered

it's not your problem. it's not a problem for him either. So that's that.

Gemini69 · 17/07/2017 13:38

is the Suitcase unpacked yet

TathitiPete · 17/07/2017 19:53

Don't let a suitcase full of cheese become your big fork and spoon.

AngryGinger · 18/07/2017 19:02

It wouldn't occur to me to unpack it. He can't be that bothered about the stuff that's inside it so you would be doing him any favours by the sounds of it. So what if he works? So do you! Did he pack it himself?

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