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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not unpack his suitcase?

124 replies

BroomHandledMouser · 15/07/2017 14:01

We went away in June for four nights abroad. DH has yet to unpack his suitcase Confused

I've just returned from a friends house, and whilst I was talking about when to redecorate the room I mentioned that DH (the lazy bastard) hadn't managed to fully unpack his suitcase.

She was horrified and asked why I hadn't done it for him. I said that DH is a big boy and can do it himself.

She then remarked that he works all day I laughed and said we don't live in the 20's anymore. He works most weekends and sometimes late evenings, so I said he could do it when he had 5 minutes.

I work for DH but at home sorting invoices/payroll/etc. Now I'm looking st this case thinking shall I?

AIBU to leave it to him to sort? Am I satans sporn for not helping him out a little?

OP posts:
ExpatinBah · 15/07/2017 14:28

He works late, weekends? Good god - by the time of writing the post and reading replies - you could have least checked for any dirty laundry. Sorry but that (regardless) is minging.

PlaymobilPirate · 15/07/2017 14:28

Ogbhes working 7 days a week and most evenings then yes, tbh I'd unpack it for him

Original poster
BroomHandledMouser · 15/07/2017 14:28

Ahh yeah, when you put it like that Margot. God I must sound like a right mare, I'm nice honest!

He works so hard, maybe I should cut him a little slack and give him a hand

OP posts:
RebornSlippy · 15/07/2017 14:28

I've thought a bit more about this. I feel you are in the wrong, OP. You have vast amounts more time on your hands than your husband, you could do this for him. I'm really confused as to why you haven't actually. Are you trying to make a point using the suitcase as some sort of passive agressive focal point? It's a weird way to live really.

RebornSlippy · 15/07/2017 14:29

Crosspost Margot. Yeah, I'm with ya!

Topseyt · 15/07/2017 14:30

DH packs and unpacks his own suitcase when we go away. So do our DDs, though they are aged between 22 and 15 now, so I would expect them to.

Tilapia · 15/07/2017 14:31

I don't pack or unpack for my DH. Sometimes his case hangs around for a while before he does it but it doesn't bother me. He gets around to it eventually!

HolyShmoly · 15/07/2017 14:31

Meh, I'd probably unpack it, but then he would do similar for me. DH works away regularly so normally brings his bag in and goes straight to the washing machine. I don't think I'd make a point out of it.

However, DH is currently fully stocked on brownie points, I might reply differently if he had been pissing me off recently!

ConstanceCraving · 15/07/2017 14:31

You're always going to get certain women on here telling you not to unpack his case no matter what.

Back in the real world most women whose husbands work the amount yours does would have gladly unpacked their cases. It's called pitching in.

Just unpack the case.

Original poster
BroomHandledMouser · 15/07/2017 14:31

I'm really not Reborn, I feel you're looking way more into this than needed.

It literally is just about a suitcase!

I'm off out in a sec but shall see what delights await me in the case when I get back - god help me!

OP posts:
DoubleCarrick · 15/07/2017 14:33

I wouldn't unpack the case, op. I have more spare time than dh so I do things that benefit us both - hoover, get dinner ready, laundry, etc. But I don't go around picking up after my husband. It's not my job to pick up after him and it's not your job to unpack his suitcase

RebornSlippy · 15/07/2017 14:36

Pretty selfish attitude there Double. If it doesn't benefit you as much as him you just won't do it?

Groupie123 · 15/07/2017 14:36

@Rebornslippy I think as OP's DH works such long hours to support she should definitely class that as 'doing something for her'. Grin

BogQueens · 15/07/2017 14:36

You sound quite resentful of him in general, or it wouldn't be an issue.

There's nothing at all 'resentful' about not unpacking a suitcase for an able-bodied adult who has somehow managed without the contents for weeks. Unless he is unzipping it partly and sliding in a hand and fumbling past the dirty underwear to find his phone charger or whatever.

RebornSlippy · 15/07/2017 14:37

Hope the contents aren't too smelly, OP!

BabiesOnTheBrain1 · 15/07/2017 14:37

Yeah I'd empty it :)
My fiancé works longer days than I do, so I tend to do more in a day to day basis round the house. Not that he's expect it, I just happen to leave later and return earlier. I just prefer to get it done and then when he does get home our time can be spent together instead of on housework.
But then I never do any gardening or decorating, and nor would he expect me to. Swings and roundabouts!

RebornSlippy · 15/07/2017 14:38

Yeah, Groupie that was my sort of thinking too!

BloodWorries · 15/07/2017 14:38

I don't think what hours he works should come into, so much as how much down time each of them has.

DP and I pack together, or I just pack and DP has to deal with what I've packed for him unless he's told me. I unpack, wash and put away clothes. Simply because DP has less downtime than I do.

Also don't people mix the items in their suitcases? I always thought with the frequency that bags go missing it was now standard to mix and match clothes in suitcases, so each person loses a few to half of their stuff rather than one person losing everything.

witsender · 15/07/2017 14:39

If he worked long hours and asked me to I might, but I wouldn't as routine. And tbh I wouldn't expect my husband to were the roles reversed, don't most people like to spear out their own dirty pants etc? Have a wee bit of privacy?

Wauden · 15/07/2017 14:39

Just leave it there for him to unpack; he will get the message. You aren't his servant.

ConstanceCraving · 15/07/2017 14:39

The OP works from home for her H. He's out of the house everyday, most weekends and some late nights.

It's not the H who's lazy here.

TartanDMs · 15/07/2017 14:40

I'm the slack unpacker in our house. I work away a lot and when I get home I want to veg out so I don't unpack then, and after that I often just forget. DH regularly unpacks and washes my things Blush but then we each do stuff for each other so I just think it's nice of him, I wouldn't expect him to do it or be upset if he didn't.

Passthecake30 · 15/07/2017 14:41

I would do it, in fact, I do all washing, ironing, packing and we both work full time (shock!).

I wouldn't mind, it wouldn't take long and then I wouldn't be wasting any energy even thinking about it.

And I'm not a pushover.... I just think when you're with someone, you shouldn't mind doing things for them in the same way that they shouldn't mind doing things for you.

Slimthistime · 15/07/2017 14:42

I wouldn't bother
he is not bothered

it's not your problem. it's not a problem for him either. So that's that.

Delancy · 15/07/2017 14:46

My DH is the same, sigh.

I used to do it for him, and also put away all his laundry for him. Until he started showing signs of expectation and blaming me when the house was less than perfect. (I work too.) Now I just leave his laundry in a pile where it sits and he takes what he needs from it! Sigh.

I put away the kids clothes as they are still young, but I'm beginning to teach them to do this themselves, especially because they are boys and I don't want to turn them into disappointing husbands.

Can you turn it into a teasy game with him? You could have a lot of fun with him on this one!

Maybe ask him if he'd like you to unpack his suitcase for him.

Then say oh I'll try to get round to it today. Then don't. Repeat this daily. Until it begins to annoy him too :)

Or slowly add his clean laundry to the suitcase until he has no clean clothes left.

Or offer to do it for him in exchange for something outrageous...