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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I could find the time to study on mat leave??

100 replies

ethelfleda · 15/07/2017 07:52

This is only an idea that came to my head a couple of days ago and I'm not 100% sure I want to pursue it but I found some distance learning courses that sound very interesting and would be relevant to my job. My first baby is due in November and I am planning in taking a year off. AIBU to think I could study part time once we've settled in to a routine if it is somewhere between 4 and 6 hours per week? Or am I seriously underestinating how much time a new born takes up??
Please be kind - I may be naive but I haven't experienced what it's like to be a new parent yet!

OP posts:

BellyBean · 15/07/2017 07:55

For me it would depend how well you function on sleep deprivation. I could probably have done it from 6months, but even though newborn DD napped quite well during the day, I was a zombie.

PastysPrincess · 15/07/2017 07:55

Everyone is different and every baby is different so bo one can absolutely tell you.

Having said that theres no way I would have been able to but then I had a traumatic birth PND, PTSD and a baby who hated sleep.

Kittykatmacbill · 15/07/2017 07:59

If you get a baby who sleeps, feel okay yourself and you have someone who look after the baby you might be okay... but I read 4 novels, rather my pre baby fifty odd, on mat leave year.

RelaxMax · 15/07/2017 07:59

With my first, there's no way I could have done that (difficult birth and recovery, PND, he was a terrible sleeper...)

With my second, I absolutely could have done that (planned C-section, good recovery, he's a good sleeper).

So tbh I don't think anybody can predict it for you.

I'd suggest don't put any pressure on yourself, and (if possible) don't pay for or start the course until your baby is at least 3 months as by then you'll know how things are going.

Clickncollect · 15/07/2017 08:02

I think it very much depends on the type of study - if it is online learning where you can stop/start when you want and there is a long deadline then it should be fine.
I started online excel training in February and have completed 22 hours so far. I try and do it on days when we haven't gone out when my baby naps but he is now 13 months so was 8 months when I started so his nap routine is fairly reliable.
I don't think I would have managed any during the first six months though. Also, you wouldn't want to put too much pressure on yourself and have time to enjoy your baby.
My original plan was to do an open university degree but realised that was completely unrealistic for me as there are strict deadlines with several hours per week to study. At least with my excel training, it is split into small modules where some take ten minutes, others longer and if baby wakes up I can just stop.

MissJC · 15/07/2017 08:05

I don't think I had time to have a poo for the first 6 months never mind do a course.

MyCalmX · 15/07/2017 08:07

I was finishing up a course on my first mat leave and my brain totally wasn't working that I had to get dh to help.

I'd be like 'this is what I'm trying to say' and just couldn't put proper sentences together

crocodilesoup · 15/07/2017 08:08

My friend and I had babies at the same time - hers slept through from 6 weeks and I'd often see her going out for runs so she would probably have had time to study. Mine slept through at 2.5 years. I think it would be too much pressure at first but as the months go by doable, but only I find you have a wee bit of childcare while you study - trying to fit it in at night would be too hard.
You may be up for more than me though

Ameliablue · 15/07/2017 08:08

It is possible, if you are motivated. I did a PGDip while pregnant and on maternity leave. It was hard work and I pulled a couple of all nighters to meet deadlines. My grades may not have been as high as they might but I still did well and passed.

namechangeforthistoday · 15/07/2017 08:09

!!!! I planned the same thing OP! But I had grossly underestimated what having a baby is really like!!! There was no way I could actually have managed it! I'd also agreed to write a book chapter during my mat leave, for a work colleague! That didn't happen either!!! Mat leave was amazing, but all of it was taken up with baby! (DS1 was quite a handful though, maybe if you have an easier temperament baby, or your newborn actually sleeps in the day like they r supposed to! u could try some distance learning).

Pre babies, I thought 'what can be so hard, all they do is sleep, eat and need the odd nappy change' - in reality there is a lot more to it!!! constant crying, boobs like permanent sore feeding machines!, no sleep (so much so you are practically hallucinating during the day!!), taking 3 hours just to get nappy bag, bottles, breasts pumped, stufff together, before leaving the house for a 5 minute trip to post a letter ......

Its an amazing amazing time - but until u do it, you will not realise what it's all about! I'd consider the distance learning lightly and be prepared not to have time to do it!

iwannapuppy · 15/07/2017 08:09

I had expectations of studying while on maternity leave, I also thought I'd be making home made meals from scratch everyday and possibly learning a craft.......in truth I made my DH buy a second freezer so we could fully stock on ready meals and I don't even have time to pee in peace. But your baby maybe an angel so just don't make any decisions yet, wait and see what your bundle of joy allows you to do and congratulations for November

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 15/07/2017 08:10

I really couldn't have done it. If I ever got 5 spare mins it would be spent trying to sleep.

Josephinelavelle · 15/07/2017 08:12

I think yes if you really want to. I chose to continue with some volunteer work I do and I feel it's kept me sane. I found after putting in some hours of volunteering I feel refreshed and have a better perspective. I'm sure you'll feel the same if it's a subject you enjoy.

Pengggwn · 15/07/2017 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WankYouForTheMusic · 15/07/2017 08:19

You could. People have. It will depend on you, your baby, how you react to motherhood and what level you're sleep deprived at. If you are only talking about doing 4-6 hours a week, and you have a partner who could take baby on a Saturday afternoon or whatever, that sounds doable at least in the latter portion of the year.

Kr1stina · 15/07/2017 08:25

It also depends on how much your partner expects to do while you are on maternity leave. Many men act as if 100% of childcare and housework are now your responsibility ( and will remain so forever regardless of what hours you work inside and outside the home ) .

In which case you will have practically no time until you child goes to school.

So rather than picking your OU courses I suggest you sit down NOW with your partner and discuss how it's going to work out with the house / childcare/ money. This is possibly the most important issue for your relationship to work over the next few years.

Whathaveilost · 15/07/2017 08:30

I started my degree when Ds1 was a toddler and I was wirking full time. I got pregnant and was able to study a lot easier throughout mat leave with DS2.
I have ( have) a really supportive partner she encouraged me though.

IzzyWizzyFizzy · 15/07/2017 08:30

I couldn't have done it. I wouldn't have been able to cope with deadlines, and my brain wasn't what it normally would be. It was enough effort to manage to put together the online grocery order each week.

However, a friend managed to complete an access course while on maternity leave, and then went on to university when her some was about 18 months old. So it's doable, just depends on you, your baby and your whole family situation as to whether it's doable for you.

Saiman · 15/07/2017 08:31

It really depends on the baby. No one can say yes or no.

Elisheva · 15/07/2017 08:31

I had DS2 when I was halfway through a part time degree course. I had to go back to do a module when he was 3 months old. I managed but I didn't do any study/writing while I was looking after him as there just wasn't time to sit and concentrate. He was fine at napping, but that's only for 2 hours at a time when I got everything else done!! I studied in the evenings and at the weekend when dh was around. I passed but my grades did dip a little around DS time!

Ninjapants · 15/07/2017 08:33

I think you'll have to wait and see how things are once the baby arrives.
You might get a good sleeper and maybe you've lots of family and friends close by who are happy to help out.
DS cat napped for months so I was extremely sleep deprived. There's no way I could have concentrated long enough to study on maternity leave, never mind found the time! When I returned to work I had to do a few months retraining due to the nature of my job, which involved a good bit of studying. I literally did not have the time or energy outside of work to study so I had to build it in to my working day, sometimes being there beyond my working hours just to have the space and time to focus. And this was over a year after DS was born.
In short, I don't think you should plan to study on maternity leave

oldtrees · 15/07/2017 08:34

Like PP says, every baby is different.

I tried to do some freelance when DS was aboit 5 months. I just couldn't do it, it was a nightmare! It was very stressful and frustrating being unable to do it.

I'm not sure why I thought I could do it, having a baby was so time-consuming that managing to drink a cup of tea while still remotely warm was a challenge I rarely succeeded in!

Imagine trying to work when you're exhausted (haven't had a proper night sleep in MONTHS) constantly interrupted and feel pulled in lots of directions at once. Would you do your best work?

I had to give up trying to work and accept that people get childcare while they work for a reason!

You may not "settle into a routine" that lets you work at home without someine else to look after the baby for a long-time.

The books that give you the idea that you can choose a routine and train your baby into it uf you just try hard enough are lying!

The truth is that some babies take well to a routine and many others just don't. But all of them are totally dependant on you for everything. Trying to force your baby into a mould they don't fit because a book sold you the idea it should be possible is a soul destroying even PND-inducing experience and one worth avoiding!

Much better for everyone IME to go with the flow, e.g. if they want to be near you all the time, get a sling so your baby can nap next to you and you can still get on with life (and actually leave the house!) rather than spending hours shush-patting a baby because the clock and a (non-evidence based) book has told you it's time for them to sleep but the baby really doesn't want to.

People (and baby books) give unreasonable and unattainable ideas about sleeping through too. Many babies don't sleep through for months (or sometimes years). This is NORMAL and largely out of your control.

For some people studying with a baby would be possible.

For many, not at all!

To get a better idea of what it's like with a new baby, Google fourth trimester and I can recommend a book called "What mothers do (especially when it looks like nothing)".

I'm not saying don't study! I am saying you have no idea if it'll be possible until you've met your baby and got an idea of what your new life is like.

What do you want to study? How old would the baby be when you'd start? Would you lose money if you didn't keep to deadline?

Weareboatsremember · 15/07/2017 08:36

I did a masters while on maternity leave, as my baby luckily slept through from 9 weeks old, and had 3 reliable naps a day. Once she was sleeping well, I had a pretty lovely and relaxed time, so yes, if your baby is like mine then you definitely could. Have to be disciplined though, which does mean you sometimes have to hand the baby over to your dh so you can work, when really all you want to do is snuggle the baby yourself

youaredeluded · 15/07/2017 08:37

Good for you if you can, but I had to put my masters in hold when I .gave birth ad there was no way I could finish it wiyh a baby. Mayne it wilk be differenr for you though.

Silverthorn · 15/07/2017 08:37

I could have done it with my second baby. He got into a good 3hr routine from the first week ( dummy helped and not being stimulated too much) but ds1 never slept for longer than 20mins and wanted to comfort feed all the time. Learned the lesson there. Think he had undiagnosed reflux.
Also the culture shock from 0 to 1 baby was a massive change to me.
I think it is of course possible if you are disciplined and have some support. Congratulations on your pg. 😊

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