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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I could find the time to study on mat leave??

100 replies

ethelfleda · 15/07/2017 07:52

This is only an idea that came to my head a couple of days ago and I'm not 100% sure I want to pursue it but I found some distance learning courses that sound very interesting and would be relevant to my job. My first baby is due in November and I am planning in taking a year off. AIBU to think I could study part time once we've settled in to a routine if it is somewhere between 4 and 6 hours per week? Or am I seriously underestinating how much time a new born takes up??
Please be kind - I may be naive but I haven't experienced what it's like to be a new parent yet!

OP posts:

oldtrees · 15/07/2017 08:38

am I seriously underestinating how much time a new born takes up?

If you mean proper newborn then yes!

A newborn takes up ALL your time IME!

thepatchworkcat · 15/07/2017 08:38

I wouldn't have been able to but it does really depend on what kind of baby you get! Mine wouldn't be put down or left in a pram/chair/bouncer etc, he didn't sleep well day or night, I spent my days shattered and/or pushing the pram around and my evenings were basically eating and sleeping. I barely read anything or watched anything on tv. But then a friend of mine has had a very placid angelic baby who didn't seem to need as much attention and so she's been able to keep up her hobbies. I was astonished to meet up with her and find that she'd painted her nails and done some crafting. I could barely brush my hair!

gingertigercat · 15/07/2017 08:39

Absolutely. Ive just finished a course that people generally do alongside a full time job.

It took me from October to June and there were quite a few people on maternity leave and they did fantastically. We would only have to attend 2 evenings a week for a couple of hours and the study in between was not too onerous. The only thing I can think of is if it is a course that needs to run on term time dates it might not tie in as well.

hana32 · 15/07/2017 08:51

It will depend on your baby (temperament, sleeping, how old they are when you start), and on how organised and motivated you are, but I certainly think it's possible.

I have a 4 month old DC and have been doing about 5-7 hours work (writing) at home per week since he was 2 months. I fit it in around his (short) naps or when he's content to be lying in his play gym for a bit. So it's like 30 mins work here, an hour there, a bit fragmented but I wanted to make it work, so I have.

trilbydoll · 15/07/2017 08:52

My babies were such rubbish sleepers I spent most of mat leave in a daze. I can confirm however that if no housework is done, nothing bad happens

Wait4nothing · 15/07/2017 08:55

I could have done 4-6 hours a week from about 8 months when she napped in the cot in a sort of routine - as long as I could do it in small chunks. By that point I rarely slept in the day. I also could have stolen a few hours at the weekend as we take it in turns to have time off (from work/baby looking after) though I preferred to spend time on my hobby or reading/sleeping. If it's something you enjoy I'd say go for it once your settled into parenthood

Sushi123 · 15/07/2017 08:55

I went back to uni full time when ds was 11 weeks. He went to nursery. So if its on 4-6 hours a week, why not pop baby in nursery or with family member if poss, one day a week and give yourself time to study and do your own thing

robinsongyal · 15/07/2017 08:55

I'm going back to university in February so when my little girl is 9 months old,(so it isn't the same situation). However to speak from experience of having a newborn (10 weeks old now), who aside from her reflux which can cause her to get into abit of a state around some feeding times, is very very easy going! She sleeps about 8 hours a night and wakes up at 5am for a feed & then goes back down for another 3-4 hrs. So I feel like if she wasn't breastfed and did accept being fed off of others I could have gone back to university sooner. That being said, I really wouldn't want to. In fact the idea of going back next year makes me sad and anxious because I just want to be the one there for her whilst she's so little..but I know these feelings probably won't last long when I get on with it! Also the idea of having a social life once more that doesn't involve my baby, mum and partner sounds awesome I'm sure that every baby is different but just thought I'd give you my experience.

MGFM · 15/07/2017 08:58

I couldnt have with ds 1 but i completed a short 4 month course with on second mat leave. Only started it when baby was around 5 months old.

PeterReidFaePeterheid · 15/07/2017 08:58

I couldn't have done anything for the first six weeks - thereafter? Yep, I could have fitted in studying.

I sunbathed, did some creative writing and was a bit borrd when DS slept.

BasketOfDeplorables · 15/07/2017 09:02

It's hard to say how you will cope with tiredness. I did some freelance work in the early months, which was necessary for a project that was happening after mat leave ended, and we needed the money, but it meant that was the only thing I could do when I had a moment. DD wasn't a great sleeper, so I would have rather had a nap, or gone for a run, even. If I could have done without the money I absolutely wouldn't have done it, and wouldn't be freelancing now, as it takes up all nap times and evenings at the moment.

lightgreenglass · 15/07/2017 09:04

I did my MSc on both of my maternity leaves - I loved it, kept my brain occupied - pregnant again and wondering what I will do with my time this time round.

Notsosureanymoors · 15/07/2017 09:04

My baby has slept throught the night since day 1 pretty much. She is a big contented overdue baby and is formula fed so just bottles to do so I have plenty of time with her unattached to me so to speak! She is 11 weeks and I have plenty of time to do stuff. The key is to get out and about ASAP and dont let yourself get in a rut. Fresh air helps them sleep better (even if i get flamed for that its true) and be noisy and bright light during the day i.e open curtains and hoover around them etc and very quiet and dark after bathtime at night. I've done this since day 1 and it seems to have settled her straight away. BUT I had a lovely calm birth and she is a big contented baby as i say. Every person and baby are different so don't plan anything until your baby is here then see what happens.

Mammylamb · 15/07/2017 09:06

I couldn't have done it! Kittykat... are you me? I went from 50 books a year to about 4 too

eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 · 15/07/2017 09:07

I did 120 OU level one credits (the equiv of first year of uni) october 2014- july 2015 and my child was born november 2014

so its possible but she was an easy baby!

IceCreamIScream · 15/07/2017 09:13

I think it's possible, with my first I started freelancing when she was 4 months because I got bored... I worked when she napped or had her in the sling whilst I worked.
But then, I was fortunate that she didn't have colic, and slept pretty well at night.
To be honest it's one of those things that is possible in theory but until you have the baby and see how you both are you just won't know.
Helpful I know!

Kintan · 15/07/2017 09:15

I had so many plans for mat leave, but haven't done any so far and I'm six months in. Even if you have a sleeping baby, don't underestimate baby brain, or the need to either sleep yourself - or just catch up on life admin in general. Pre baby I would read at least two books per week, but haven't managed to finish one so far! I feel like the deadlines would be too much pressure and may tip anyone over the edge. But if you do decide to go for it, good luck to you!

MollyCule · 15/07/2017 09:15

I think it really depends... depends a lot on the baby and how well they sleep/ nap etc. Also depends on how much your partner is able to help.

Personally, I wouldn't have been able to. For the first 6 months, I was very sleep deprived and basically didn't knw what had hit me. My baby slept quite a lot during the day as a newborn but she didn't sleep well during the night so I was absolutely knackered. Also had a difficult birth which took me a while to recover from, both mentally and physically.

I wouldn't have been able to do it after 6 months either, to be honest I found the second 6 months harder in lots of ways. She requires a lot more entertaining, doesn't nap as much (and is very hard to get her down for a nap). But, if you have an easier baby and get into a good routine with naps, I think it would be possible.

Much easier if your partner or any family nearby could do some childcare for you, especially if it's only a few hours a week. I am inordinately jealous of people who have family down the road who help out regularly!

oldtrees · 15/07/2017 09:17

This is unrealistic advice IMO.

For some mothers and babies this would be possible but for others this would simply not be an option.

And virtually impossible if you want maintain breastfeeding

There's no way I would have wanted to leave my baby in a nursery at 11 weeks unless I had no choice about the matter.

For many, many of us this would not be something we'd even consider out of choice.

To present this as an option that one might simply choose - in the same way you might choose to put a 2 year old in nursery so you can get on with stuff is giving a false picture IMO.

cluelessnewmum · 15/07/2017 09:17

It depends on a few things - as people have said it depends on how "easy" your baby is and how well you cope without much sleep.

Depends on how supportive your partner is of it and the hours they work. Depends if you gave any additional help, eg a cleaner or mum lives near by.

I started an MSc part-time when dc was about 15mo,meant to do 20 hours a week on it (but more when it is exams). Dc is on nursery some time, my mum helps a bit and have a cleaner. I don't expect dh to pick up the slack as he works long hours.

Have the baby then see how you go. But every hour you spend studying is an hour not spent sorting out baby or house work. Most people do housework (or catch up on sleep) when baby is sleeping so it depends whether someone will help you with that.

Bobbins43 · 15/07/2017 09:23

Don't do it. Honestly. Especially if it's your first. You won't be able to take it in, the studying or the parenting.

Maybe wait a year and see how you do?

donniemurdo · 15/07/2017 09:28

I've studied through all my maternity leaves, and gained three different postgraduate qualifications. Two via distance learning and one on campus. But, I couldn't have done it without my husband taking a very active role with childcare and relatively easy babies. It was really difficult and at times I lacked motivation, especially as studying was taking time away from my children but I am proud of my achievements.

WankYouForTheMusic · 15/07/2017 09:29

And virtually impossible if you want maintain breastfeeding

OP hasn't actually said anything about breastfeeding though. So there's no reason to assume it's a relevant consideration.

Also, of course putting an 11 week old baby in some kind of childcare is an option. I wouldn't, but you can't say it's presenting a false picture when the OP has given us so little information to go on. You acknowledge yourself that it's possible for some people, we don't know whether OP is one or not.

AceholeRimmer · 15/07/2017 09:30

On reflection... with baby number 1 yes I would have found quite a few apare hours in the week to study as he loved sleep and loved sitting in his bouncy chair for ages. I remember binge watching many boxsets in that time!
Number 2... not a chance Not because of the fact I have a toddler too.. but because he isn't a good sleeper and needs more interaction. I would not be able to focus at all!

Sushi123 · 15/07/2017 09:33

Excuse me oldtrees, it is not unrealistic advice, it was very much a reality! Not everyone needs to stay at home for 6 months wandering around like a zombie once they've had a child, I made my decision during pregnancy that I would get up and get the fuck on with it and that's what I did!

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