To think I could find the time to study on mat leave??

[ethelfleda]

This is only an idea that came to my head a couple of days ago and I'm not 100% sure I want to pursue it but I found some distance learning courses that sound very interesting and would be relevant to my job. My first baby is due in November and I am planning in taking a year off. AIBU to think I could study part time once we've settled in to a routine if it is somewhere between 4 and 6 hours per week? Or am I seriously underestinating how much time a new born takes up??
Please be kind - I may be naive but I haven't experienced what it's like to be a new parent yet!

She hasn't said she isn't though - and no one can say for certain until her baby is here and she's made that decision - so why not mention it? More knowledge is better than less. Do you have an issue with talking about breastfeeding oor did you kust want tohave a go?

What a bizarre, logic fail of a question to tack onto the end. And do have a look at my posting history if you think I don't like talking about breastfeeding.

The fact is, you didn't just mention it. Yours would be a valid argument if it was simply something you had said might be a factor to consider. What you actually did was claimed that the poster suggesting one day of nursery was giving unrealistic advice and then, immediately afterwards, offered the breastfeeding claim. But when you have no idea whether a person intends to be breastfeeding at all at that stage, you should not be using as part of an argument why advice is, not might be, realistic.

Yes I do, of course I do. The whole point of my post was that what works for one family may not work for another. My issue was that Sushi123 was presenting an option that many would find very difficult indeed as simply choice. That's a false picture and I stand by my words.

If that was supposed to be the point of your post, your words were very poorly chosen and you shouldn't be standing by them.

You said it was an unrealistic option, but you have no idea whether this is the case or not, and you then went on to talk about women who have done it, thus contradicting yourself. You finished up by saying it's a false picture to present it as something one might choose. But it is something one might choose, because some families do.

There is a reason why more than one person has pulled you up on this.

Sushi123 you may have found it easy, but I would have found it very tough indeed to be seperated from my baby at 11 weeks, it's not something I'd do if I could avoid it and I know lots of mothers feel like this. If you ask mothers when they first left their babies, it ranges from a few days to a couple of years!

I left mine with a family member at 5 months for an evening I'd arranged before he was born, but that was difficult and I didn't do it again till he was 1 (for New Year's Eve) and apparently he was up all night screaming for me.

Many mothers just don't feel comfortable leaving their babies when they're so young. It's not as simple as it being a choice.

Yes it's doable, and it worked for you. But for many it would be a huge issue and not to be underestimated. If you didn't feel like this and your baby was fine with it then maybe it's hard to imagine, but it's pretty normal for mothers to feel that wild horses wouldn't drag them away from their baby when they're so little (and it's also normal to be able to leave your baby - neither is the "correct" way. Mothers and babies are different!).

Did you breastfeed?

Putting either of my babies in nursery for a day a week at 11 weeks when exclusively breastfed would have been tough.

Persoanly, I found expressing a real pain, I never really got the hang of it and to need to do it all the time would be a huge extra stress. Yes combi feeding would be an option, but not everyone is comfortable givng formula, that's an individual choice that should be respected.

I wasn't saying nursery for a day isn't doable for anyone. But the way you presented it, had I not had a child yet, I might have though "oh, she did it so it's an option, I'll do that" and then find that the reality is that yes, it's an option, but such an incredibly hard one that simply isn't worth the stress.

I was working part time from home at 12 weeks each time with two babies. A few afternoons nursery/other family members a week. Both breastfed. They went off with expressed milk and I gave them a good feed before they went.

I was working part time from home at 12 weeks each time with two babies. A few afternoons nursery/other family members a week. Both breastfed. They went off with expressed milk and I gave them a good feed before they went.

I did my MSc part time through maternity leaves with DS1 and DS2. It sounds like a similar course, mostly online and access to tutors. It was actually ok, DS1 wasn't too bad a sleeper and I did a lot of studying and writing on my phone/tablet. I'm now onto my doctorate and third mat leave with DS3. As a lot of people have said it does depend on the baby but you can get a lot done if your baby isn't too demanding. I tend to do a lot while breastfeeding, it's quiet time and I can type one handed. Good luck.

Some people just get there shit together quicker than others I guess

Their, lol

I'm self employed and did some work on my business but only after three months totally off.

It does depend on the baby. You don't sound unrealistic though - a few hours a week from four months is really not that bad.

I found the first few weeks with DD a total shock to the system and no way could I have committed to anything (at all - I could barely make it out of the house in time for baby group once a week) but once we found our groove it was fine. I started twice a week evening classes when she was five months old, it was great. She went to bed at 7pm and would usually go until at least 1am without needing a feed by that stage. Obviously not all babies are the same though.

Keep your options open but if you can make it work I think it's quite nice to do something which isn't just about the baby.

I went on maternity leave for the first time in July 2014. In the few days I had off before DD arrived, I started a bog-standard 1000 piece jigsaw.

I finished it last week!

But as PPs have said, it depends very much on your baby. Also, don't underestimate how much time you might just want to spend chilling out and enjoying the baby. Don't put any pressure on yourself!

Of course you can put babies in childcare at 11 weeks! I had DD at the end of my second year of uni. Submitted a few essays when she was 2 weeks old, I wrote them during and in between night feeds. Went straight back and did third year, DD went into childcare at about 16 weeks. It was brilliant for her and brilliant for us, I graduated just after her first birthday.

It is possible and it is an option, it just depends on whether you want to do it or not.

If it really is only 4 to 6 hours a week then I'd say you could manage if you agree with your DH that he has exclusive charge of the baby for at the minimum three two- hour chunks of time per week.

You won't be able to fit the studying in around the baby's sleeps as too unpredictable in terms of how long he/she will sleep for, what other things you might have to do and how you will feel tiredness/focus-wise when he/she is asleep.

In my experience few little babies will be 100% happy while awake in a bouncer or on a mat for more than 10 minutes at a time. They need attention. Once they start to crawl they need an eagle eye for safety reasons. Mine won't tolerate a playpen, just screams and shakes the bars.

After 6 months or so you could put the baby into some form of childcare for a few hours per week if such a thing is available- we have a creche in our area that I use for a bit of a break and the baby loves it too. I wouldn't have felt happy leaving him at younger than 6 months though.

Another thing to bear in mind is that the housework increases after 6 months when they are weaned as there is so much mess!

It would have been completely doable for me. DS slept loads in the early days and through the night from 10 weeks, so from 6.30pm most nights my time was my own. As he got older and started having longer naps I could have got stuff done during the day as well. I went back to work full time at 4 months though so I took every opportunity to be lazy whilst I was on mat leave. To be honest I found it utterly tedious a lot of the time, particularly the first few weeks when he'd feed, sleep for 3-4 hours, feed again, round the clock.

I know plenty of people that have completed masters degrees, done GCSEs/a levels/completed evening classes in flower arranging etc whilst on mat leave and everyone I know has at least a few hours a week 'me time' whether that's at the gym/out with friends/going shopping and it sounds like your other half will be supportive of that so you should have no problem!

Some people just get there shit together quicker than others I guess

That's a nice, supportive attitude you've got there ]

Exactly the kind of attitude I'm talking abou - little empathy for others, assuming that because you did something, it would be just as easy for others to do.

As I've said in each of my posts I think, mothers and babies are different. Being happy about leaving your baby at 11 weeks depends on an awful lot of things.

Personally I didn't want to leave my babies mainly as I felt a strong instinct to have them near me at all times when they were so small. For me, it would have felt very wrong to leave them, and not something I would have done lightly or out of choice. Fuck all with whether I "got my shit together".

That doesn't mean I think everyone should think or feel like that. But I know that many do, and many don't. It's unfair on mothers-to-be to give them the impression that leaving your baby at 11 weeks is something that everyone should want to / be able to do, easily. It really isn't.

*It really isn't for lots of people

that should say

A lot of nurseries won't take small babies. A childminder might. If I had my time again I would put less pressure on myself rather than more, but you might enjoy the course. A wait-and-see approach (if possible) might be best.

It sounds realistic although you can never completely know. Dd1 was into a night routine by 6 weeks which she just fell into on her own - in bed 7 til 7/8, waking up around 11 and 3 for feeds. So i had evenings to myself and was not sleep deprived.

Dd2 was another story!

I started an OU maths/IT degree just before I got pregnant so was working full time then. For the subsequent six years, I was on maternity/unpaid leave, first with just ds1 then with two dss. Ds1 napped ok but was over a year old before he slept through the night. I did manage to find the ten hours a week, sometimes more, required for the course using nap times and the evenings. Ds2 was an appalling sleeper and I remember barely being able to read the exam let alone answer pure maths questions after seven months of severely broken sleep!

I live outside of the UK so had no childcare help and my dh worked away a lot. Not really sure how I did it looking back to be honest. Being hugely motivated and loving the subject certainly helped. That said, there's not a chance in hell I'd be able to do that now, partly because there are so many other things to distract me (internet, Netflix ...). I did have a cleaner who also ironed so that helped hugely.

For me it was certainly worth the struggle. It was great for my somewhat lacking self confidence (I made poor A level choices) as I got a 1st. It lead to a new career. There were times I was so tired I thought I'd give up but I'm so glad I didn't.

Some people just get there shit together quicker than others I guess

Or they make different decisions/ do things differently to how you've done them. You do sound like you feel rather superior.

Totally understand what oldtrees is saying. There are all kinds of things I said I would/ would never do when I was pregnant which changed when my first arrived. Everything is conjecture until the baby arrives and you make your choices.

I would not have chosen to leave my 2 at nursery at 11 weeks, for no other reason than breastfeeding practicalities. My breasts quickly became engorged if I didn't feed or express and expressing took twice as long as feeding. I was however happy to leave them both for a few hours so I could go out for an evening or a haircut etc once i built up a bit of a supply of frozen milk and knew that they'd take a bottle.

Op doesn't say if she intends breastfeeding or bottle feeding. Even if she intends to breast feed there's no guarantee it'll suit her or that it will work. Likewise, her baby may decide it won't take a bottle once breastfeeding is established. Or it might be colicky, have tongue tie, reflux, allergies, want carrying around. Op may feel as others do that leaving the baby is not an option for whatever reason.

It's doable. Of course it's doable. But until op has the baby she has no idea how she will feel, or what the baby is like. There are too many variables. Ime even the easiest babies have rough patches, are affected by illness (especially in November!) or teething, growth spurts, sleep regression, separation anxiety etc. If the op is set on studying though I am sure she will find the best way around it to suit both her and her baby. And it has nothing to do with getting her shit together quickly, rather taking some time to adjust to parenthood and find out what works for her and the baby.

I did it whilst off with my second baby. It worked fine. I quite enjoyed it tbh. Learnt to feed in a sling whilst typing stood up.at the kitchen counter. Go for it. If it doesn't work most courses will let you defer for a year x

Good luck x

Thank you so much everyone. Some really helpful replies here. I will probabl6 do some further research and then wait and see once the baby comes.

ethelfleda that sounds very wise :)

Good luck!

A newborn takes up ALL your time IME!

Of course it doesn't. What do you think people with newborns do when they have older children and/or caring and other responsibilities?

Newborns can only take up all your time if you have all that time for them to take up. Otherwise they just have to fit in.

OP, you can, many of us have done so. It might not be easy though.

Yes, good luck with your baby, and your studies.

As said before it really does depend on the baby. I could have no problem with either my first or second. My third was a different story. I could barely function let alone study - that went on for 11 months.