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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I could find the time to study on mat leave??

100 replies

ethelfleda · 15/07/2017 07:52

This is only an idea that came to my head a couple of days ago and I'm not 100% sure I want to pursue it but I found some distance learning courses that sound very interesting and would be relevant to my job. My first baby is due in November and I am planning in taking a year off. AIBU to think I could study part time once we've settled in to a routine if it is somewhere between 4 and 6 hours per week? Or am I seriously underestinating how much time a new born takes up??
Please be kind - I may be naive but I haven't experienced what it's like to be a new parent yet!

OP posts:

FittonTower · 15/07/2017 09:34

I couldn't have done it. My first never ever slept and my second slept ok for the first few months,when i was too ill to do anything but sleep myself, then promptly stopped sleeping at about 4 months old.
I know people that could've though. It really does depend on your baby I think. And (no flaming I promise) fresh air might make a difference but it's not magic. My two were better when we were out and about, I liked to get out because it kept me awake and sane, but they were better as in they slept 2 hour stretches rather than 90 minutes.

DimsieMaitland · 15/07/2017 09:37

I wrote my Master's dissertation while on maternity leave with DD1. This was in the days before the development of extensive academic online databases and in the end I had to use childcare for 2 mornings a week just so I could go to the university library. I didn't start in earnest until she was 5 months old by which time she was in a loose routine. However I did learn to breastfeed using a sling so I could read/type whilst feeding her, and when I was deep in the literature review I was reading her to sleep at night with journal articles. I mainly worked while she napped, in the evenings and when DH was home so he could look after her. I also had my parents nearby who looked after her all day for a week when I was at the writing-up stage. She was 14 months at my graduation. (She breastfed until she was 2, so the time away didn't affect that aspect at all.)

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/07/2017 09:39

Couldn't have with baby 1, could have with baby 2 (as long as now toddler baby 1 was out of the way). It might happen but I wouldn't bank on it. My friend carried on with a PhD but she's exceptional. Aim for showering every day and see how it goes.

WidowWadman · 15/07/2017 09:41

Depends on what and how intensive I guess. In my first maternity leave I did CIPS Level 4, self study followed by 5 3h written exams. It helped me immensely to have something to do that was not just baby related. The exams were at a time when my daughter could cope for a few hours without my breasts.

PunjanaTea · 15/07/2017 09:46

I think it depends on how motivated you are to do the course. If you really want to do it, and there are clear benefits from completing it then yes it's possible, because you'll make it so. I managed to work on my PhD with two under 2 whilst on maternity leave, because I knew it would serve me well when I went back.

If you're thinking it might be a nice way to fill in the time, but the benefit of doing the course isn't clear then it will become burdensome chore that you could do without.

Original poster

ethelfleda · 15/07/2017 09:49

Thank you for your replies all and sorry for the lack of info!
The course is the type where you get given all the course material and study at your own pace with online access to a tutor etc. I think 4 - 6 hours per week would get you passed the course in 12 months but you can take up to 2 years to complete it. It is a diploma.
Also, DH is very supportive and will be a hands on Dad and works close by with a usual 40 hour week. He is an angel
I definitely take the point that you can't predict how the baby will be and I think I may do some more research on the course and wait and see how things are going once he has arrived.

OP posts:

Purdyandwheezy · 15/07/2017 09:51

If it is your first baby and you have a partner then I see absolutely no reason why you shouldn't have 4-6 hours of free time to do what you like (after the first 3 months or so which can be relentless if breastfeeding)
By 6 months or so both mine were going to bed at 7ish and although far from sleeping through I wasn't so tired that I couldn't do things in the evening. There's also the weekend when there's going to be two of you and one baby. I would think that in most cases, I know from being on here that some people do have particularly difficult babies, but in most cases you would manage it. The housework may slide for a bit mind...

Somerville · 15/07/2017 09:52

Oh it's totally doable. You'll need to prioritise it though - carve time out in your diary, commit it to the course, and not compromise short of serious illness.
Loads of women continue working in some form with a newborn - I will be, since I'm self employed. It's far from impossible with a decent partner who takes a full share in parenting and running a house.

Lottie2017 · 15/07/2017 09:52

It is really hard to say. I have been doing my PHD part time for 6 years now. On my first maternity leave, my child napped a lot and slept well and I got a fair bit done. Now I am on my second maternity leave, I have 2 children to deal with and the new baby is really demanding! She never naps for more than 20 minutes and sleeps badly at night. I don't think I would have chosen a course to do during this time; I have been doing my course as it was one I had already started prior to having children (and naively thought I would have finished before they arrived!) I think I would prefer to not have the feelings of guilt and pressure knowing I wasn't getting my work done if I could make the decision whether or not to do a course now.

LittleLionMansMummy · 15/07/2017 09:53

I had two easy babies, but nonetheless if you plan to breastfeed they'll be waking quite regularly at night ime until 6 months. It goes in peaks and troughs of course but the peaks around growth spurts can be pretty awful for sleep deprivation. I caught up on sleep during the day when possible and really don't function well without sleep. If you bottle feed and can have help at night then it's possible. I started feeling much more human when mine began sleeping 12 hours without feeds.

StatisticallyChallenged · 15/07/2017 09:53

I had dd between 3rd and 4th year of uni - went back to do my final year when she was 3 months and graduated when she was just 1. Hard but doable

WankYouForTheMusic · 15/07/2017 09:57

YY wait and see. But I reckon that as you're taking a long leave and not looking to study for many hours, it's likely to be doable unless you're unlucky. If you think, loads of women are going back to work at 8, 9, 10 months and managing fine. So a few hours a week of study at that time, if someone else will be looking after baby, is realistic.

oldtrees · 15/07/2017 10:00

OP hasn't actually said anything about breastfeeding though. So there's no reason to assume it's a relevant consideration.

She hasn't said she isn't though - and no one can say for certain until her baby is here and she's made that decision - so why not mention it? More knowledge is better than less. Do you have an issue with talking about breastfeeding oor did you kust want tohave a go?

If you wanted to just have a go you could have picked up that the poster I was responding to was talking about putting her baby in full time and the OP hasn't mentioned that at all, which would have been more relevant than having a go because I mentioned BFing advice.

But if you'd said that I would have countered that this is a public forum and what concerned me about Sushi123's post was that new monthers - not just the OP would think that putting their very young baby in full time nursery was an easy option when it simply isn't for many.

Unrealistic expectations about the first year can make it so much harder than an already potentially tough time needs to be.

You acknowledge yourself that it's possible for some people

Yes I do, of course I do. The whole point of my post was that what works for one family may not work for another. My issue was that Sushi123 was presenting an option that many would find very difficult indeed as simply choice. That's a false picture and I stand by my words.

waterrat · 15/07/2017 10:01

I was invited to speak at a conference when my baby was 7 months old. I really wanted to go but had a realisation when i was pushing the buggy down the road with my eyes closed because i was so tired that it was ridiculous.

Yes babies nap but that is when you get a little moment to have lunch or email a friend or just stare into space!

It just isnt possible to imagine the tiredness or pile of little things thst need to fit into that tiny nap time. Or how exhausted you will feel for the first year.

Not being negative its obviously wonderful too but studying with your first is unlikely to fit into your life in the first year.

Lules · 15/07/2017 10:01

I'd say it's definitely doable after about the first 6 weeks. I finished writing a book and some other stuff on ML, although I did probably do too much. I was tired of course but having something non baby related made me feel like me. Oh and he's almost 2 and has never slept 12 hours straight so I'd have been waiting a long time if I'd waited for that!

trixymalixy · 15/07/2017 10:02

I couldn't have done. I was far too knackered and overwhelmed by motherhood.

Clearly it is possible as others have shared, but it would feel to me like you weren't able to give your full attention to studying and therefore not do your best.

waterrat · 15/07/2017 10:07

Just to add i went back to work part time fairly early and was working 3 days when my baby was 9 months old. But being at work undisturbed is not the same as fitting studying into a day with a baby.and i was often so tired at work i could barely speak.

MsPassepartout · 15/07/2017 10:20

A lot depends on the baby. If you get a baby who sleeps well, and is happy to be popped down in a bouncer / playmat etc it'd be a lot easier.
But even a newborn that sleeps well will be waking for milk every few hours - I remember the HV telling me when DC1 was born to not expect him to even start sleeping through the night until around 8 weeks, because before then their tummies are just too small to hold enough milk to keep them going all night.

Another thing is housework - who's going to be doing that? I spent a fair amount of DC's nap times catching up on housework and other household tasks, or resting if DC had had a bad night. Will your DP do any of the household stuff, or can you afford a cleaner?

Do you have anyone other than DP who'll be able to watch baby if you need to spend a few solid hours on study or assignments?

I think it would be possible if you have an easy baby, a supportive environment and the course isn't too demanding on your time. But impossible to say for sure in advance.

anchor9 · 15/07/2017 10:21

not only does it depend on your baby... it also depends on whatever mood your baby happens to be in on that day!!

I'm contemplating continuing with my degree in september when my baby is ~5 months old. some days i think 'yeah!', other days i think '😐😑😞'.

anchor9 · 15/07/2017 10:22

also though i've got MAJOR spaghetti brain and forget EVERYTHING these days

Sushi123 · 15/07/2017 10:23

Oldtrees, my uni course is full time over a 4 day week, ds is in nursery 3days, with gran 1 day and me the rest of the time

soulsearch1ng · 15/07/2017 10:23

really depends on you and the baby. I could have done it probably fairly easily with DC2 but no chance whatsoever with DC1.

I really would not count on it.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 15/07/2017 10:23

Very doable after the first couple of months, I had lots of free time on maternity leave so six hours could easily be found.

Sushi123 · 15/07/2017 10:24

And I simply suggested OP put baby in nursery one day a week, how is that not do-able

theymademejoin · 15/07/2017 11:02

I was on maternity leave the same time as a neighbour with my youngest. Her house was always immaculate, mine a tip. Aside from the fact I hate housework and she, weirdly, likes it, she had loads of time to do it as her child slept through the night quite young and slept for 3 hours in the morning and 2 in the afternoon. Mine didn't sleep through the night until 7 or 8 months and slept for 20-30 minutes morning and afternoon.

Basically, you will have no idea whether it's doable until the baby is born but if you can wait until near the time to register, I'd keep it as an option but not put any pressure on myself.

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