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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband made me get up at 5am to shower on a Saturday.

137 replies

SeashellsSeashells · 15/07/2017 05:51

I am a bit of a sweaty sleeper. I sleep naked and in thin sheets to try and combat the issue. I also sweat more if I have a nightmare (happened last night) and currently have a cold so a raised temperature.
I woke up at 5 am this morning. DH woke up too and told me I "well sweaty" last night. I explained I had a nightmare. He said you need a shower which I took as a joke as obviously I would shower when I got up. About 20 minutes later he was like "if you aren't going back to sleep you should go have a shower now"
I have now had a shower. I feel disgusting and embarrassed and like I must stink! AIBU to think DH could have waited till a sensible time to guilt trip me? I shower everyday and showered twice yesterday as I was out for the evening so hopefully I didn't smell completely rotten. I just feel so gross and embarrassed now BlushSad

OP posts:
ChestnutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 15/07/2017 08:25

Drenching night sweats are worrying. For all those on here who are having them on a regular basis or whose partner has them, please see the GP.

Nousernameforme · 15/07/2017 08:29

Once when I was on anti depressants one of the side effects was night sweats. We woke up one morning and both of us were soaked and dp said I think the cats peed on us and we had a bit of a laugh.
But no he didn't tell me I had to shower straight away.

If it was bothering your DH that much and he evidently wasn't going back to sleep why didn't he get up?

TheFirstMrsDV · 15/07/2017 08:30

Brit can you change your mattress? That memory foam will be making it so much worse and so will the waterproof sheet.
It might be better to have a fabric mattress protector that you can wash after a night sweat. Or large cheap bath towels under your top sheet. You can wash them all together after a bad night.

NS are horrible. I used to get them in very early pregnancy and I get them now at 50.

Latenightreader · 15/07/2017 08:30

I had a thread about night sweats a few months ago - agree it isn't like BO, but a strange almost vinegary smell. I started taking vitamin B suppliments at the suggestion of another MNer and it seems to be making a huge difference. No more waking in damp and chilly sheets and PJs! It probably depends on whether it is BO type sweat or different (do you sweat lots in the day?), but it has made a difference for me.

louiepc · 15/07/2017 08:32

I'm reading it as you naturally woke up, not him waking you... you then laid awake for 20 mins. Were you disturbing him and he was trying to get back to sleep? In that case ywbu. he's prob a bit grumpy and tired and personally the thought of a sticky, sweaty body next to me at 5am keeping me awake would annoy me.

AceholeRimmer · 15/07/2017 08:38

My DP sweats like this but weirdly in winter and not summer! Something to do with having the thick duvet on but cold air in the bedroom. It really stinks but I would never make him shower... he takes care of it himself when he gets up. I just avoid him until then Grin

OhTheRoses · 15/07/2017 08:38

In the eye of the menopause I could wake up sodden twice a night with a soggy nightie and hair. It was awful and my first thought was to get up and have a cooling shower. I don't think your DH was being that unreasonable. Mine never had to ask.

A nightie helped. Pure cotton sheets helped, a big bed helped but most of all the HRT helped (not that That's your problem op) but it did follow on from a trip to the doctor.

Brittbugs80 · 15/07/2017 08:39

Brit can you change your mattress? That memory foam will be making it so much worse and so will the waterproof sheet.
It might be better to have a fabric mattress

We've only had the mattress since Feb! That's the worst part, can't replace it just yet as it was quite expensive. The waterproof sheet is amazing, it's a thin fabric mattress protector.

Luckily I only sweat this bad two nights before I'm due in, I'm counting down to the change!

howdoyouworkthisthing · 15/07/2017 08:40

What's his problem?! My husband can sometimes get very sweaty when he sleeps or even just eating a hot dinner, his pillow is sometimes soaking, but I would never dream of telling him to take a shower! I just avoid skin contact when he's like that, problem solved, it's not his fault he gets sweaty, poor fella, some people just sweat more than others. I don't think your partner is being fair on you tbh, I know it's hard to not give in when someone points out something like this and makes you feel guilty but he is being unreasonable.

Civilsoot · 15/07/2017 08:41

Are you the same lady who's husband said smelt like rotten cabbage? If so you're husband is:

a) A bellend

Or

B) Unfortunately you may have a body odour problem.

Even if you do have BO you're husband could be nicer to you about it. There are kinder ways to say you whiff a bit.

Syc4moreTrees · 15/07/2017 08:42

Tbf you were awake, and it was probably unpleasant. Wouldn't you rather your H just told you there was a problem? I have no idea how marriages work when some people are offended and outraged by the mere suggestion they have a shower after sweating the bed through.
Maybe try not to be so delicate about it, I'm sure he didn't mean any harm.

Hope you feel better soon

TheFirstMrsDV · 15/07/2017 08:44

britt what a pain! I almost bought one of those but my sister said 'Don't do it!!!' as they had to send theirs back.

I always find a layer of fabric helps with NS. A nice fluffy towel seems to help. Not just soaking it up, it lessens that awful clammy hot/freezing thing a bit.

anchor9 · 15/07/2017 08:48

i know you can't help it but that must be quite unpleasant for him too

Hudson10 · 15/07/2017 08:56

He said you need a shower which I took as a joke as obviously I would shower when I got up. About 20 minutes later he was like "if you aren't going back to sleep you should go have a shower now

OK, it's not nice to sleep next to someone excessively sweaty.
You "had" to get up and shower though? Did he force you in there?
I'd have said "I'll shower when I get up" or silenced him with a sweaty pit in the face if he kept going on about it Grin joking not joking

TheNaze73 · 15/07/2017 08:56

YABU. I think you need to get that checked out

SheSaidHeSaid · 15/07/2017 09:05

I prefer sleeping naked too but I've heard that actually sleeping in cotton pyjamas keeps you cooler, why don't you give it a go?

AdalindSchade · 15/07/2017 09:09

If I was sharing a bed with someone who was disturbing me at 5am I might get a bit snappy. I assumed from your post that he woke you up but since you were awake and disturbing him HWNBU

astoundedgoat · 15/07/2017 09:11

How sweaty were you? Were the sheets wet?

My DH sometimes sweats heavily in bed at night, especially if he is under the weather or (not unlike you) if he has a bad dream, and if it is especially bad, when we wake up it's a heavy, sweetish smell and the sheets are wet. It's definitely not every week or anything, but once in a while, and if we were both wide awake and just lying in bed reading the news on our phones or chatting, I would do the same as your DH did, and prod him out of bed to have a shower.

However - and I'm betting your DH didn't do this - in his absence I would whip off the sweaty sheets, shove them in the washing machine and put clean sheets on.

That's the diff. between being a bit of a twat and just wanting everybody to be clean and comfortable (I hope!!).

But yes - as others have said before, there's sweaty and there's too sweaty. If it's right before your period, are you still sleeping under the duvet? Maybe separate duvets would help? Or just a sheet for you?

Kittychatcat · 15/07/2017 09:16

I agree with the pp who suggested wearing cotton pjs. A long cotton vest or t shirt would really help absorb the sweat if pjs are too warm at the moment. I usually buy nightwear vests a size bigger so that they are loose fitting for comfort. DH and I have a policy of sleeping separately if one of us is ill to avoid spreading germs or disturbing each other's sleep.

AceholeRimmer · 15/07/2017 09:18

The sweat my sleeping DO produces when he soaks the sheets is not BO, it smells really gross.. I long for BO! Grin

AceholeRimmer · 15/07/2017 09:18

DP*

RiversDisguise · 15/07/2017 09:26

I wonder if he's one of thosemen who are squeamush about women's bodies in general. Weirdo.

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 15/07/2017 09:27

I'm struggling to see the problem to be honest.

You admit you are a sweaty sleeper, you wake up sweaty at 5am, sweatier than normal, you wake your husband up, you are still awake 20 mins later, so is your husband as you have presumably woken him up (sorry if this is wrong), he's surely allowed to be a bit grumpy at being woken so early and so tells you (he doesn't make you at all) you need a shower.

Wasn't it obvious that you needed a shower? Why are you so upset with him telling you that you need one? Are you generally not very honest with each other?

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 15/07/2017 09:27

He didn't wake you up though did he. You were awake and he sounds insensitive but I have to say it can be very off putting bed sharing with someone with poor hygiene (hyperhydrosis does not constitute poor hygiene but by 5 am that sweat will be pretty stale). I'd like to think I'm secure enough in my relationship that DH and I can broach such things without causing offence.
As others have suggested a trip to the GP may be in order, most likely nothing sinister but a check up wouldn't hurt.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 15/07/2017 09:39

Tell him to piss off and sleep on the sofa

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