BIL with mh illness coming to stay

[Chicci1]

Apologies in advance if this post comes across as insensitive.
My brother in law has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and sadly recently had a long term relationship break up. His mental health has deteriorated and my husband wants him to come live with us. His brother has also requested this. For how long he would be staying is unclear - he's not working and has no plans for anything in particular. He has been staying with friends and relatives for a few nights here and there but really has nowhere steady to go. His parents have no interest in helping him.

I absolutely understand my husband wanting to help his brother. The thoughts of him coming to stay with us is really upsetting me though and I can't sleep thinking about it. We have a two year old with health issues, I work full time and am almost six months pregnant. Am exhausted and know that this would be another big drain on us. There is also a big part of me that is afraid to have someone who is having delusions in our home.
What do I do - I know I am being unreasonable to force my husband to choose between his brother and family when his brother really needs him. At the same time I honestly don't think I can pretend I'm ok with this.

Haven't read the whole thread but do not do this - really don't.

Your kids are too young for you to be able to cope with BIL as well.

He may or may not be violent (probably not) but he'll bring so many issues with him.

My BIL suffers terribly with MH issues but no way would I have him living here with the chaos, mess, extra housework he would bring.

And no way would I have his mates round here, many of whom also have MH and/or substance abuse histories.

Without kids - maybe.
With kids - no way.

My brother has Schizophrenia. He has only ever hurt himself; it's a common belief that this illness means someone is highly likely to hurt others owing to high profile cases, but this is EXTREMELY rare. Most folks who have a schizophrenic disorder hurt themselves. This is very very difficult for family to cope with, believe me.
Please note that your husband will not be helping him by taking him in; neither of you are capable of giving him the care he needs - you absolutely have your hands full, and you need to keep yourself well. The fallout from this illness is enormous and should be handled by the appropriate services. If you take him in, he will be at the bottom of the pile for assistance. My heart goes out to you all, especially your BIL. Take care OP

Very well said Clementine

I think supporting the brother to live closer but independently would work best for everyone if it's possible.

I'm ignoring some of the more prejudiced posts, because they're irrelevant anyway.

It will be very difficult looking after someone when you have a new born and a toddler, and I do think that as your husband will be at work, you'll end up with most of the burden. Or even just living along side someone who is struggling with day to day life, if you end up resenting him or feeling uncomfortable in your home, it will end badly for everyone, including the brother.

I don't think you should force your husband to choose though, I'm sure there's a way of helping the brother.

It would be ludicrous to take him in and try to care for him at the same time as a toddler and newborn, what is your DH thinking??

He could hurt you or your children

I have two schizophrenic siblings. Neither of them have ever, or ever would be, violent toward another person, so I find this sort of knee-jerk response infuriating. Schizophrenia does not always result in violent tendencies.

However, with all the experience I have of schizophrenics, and it's obviously a hell of a lot, there is no way, ever, that I could have either of them ever come to live with me. It's time consuming, it's draining, it's exasperating and wearing to sit up till 3am calming and trying to reason with someone who is having delusions.

OP you say you are not in the UK so there is less support than someone here could access. If I was in your position, and knowing what I know, I'd canvass his friends and family for a regular monetary donation to pay his rent on a flat (is there a benefit system where you are?) I would consider some financial support for him a small price to pay to keep your own home your oasis of peace.
In the long run, it's doing him a disservice to let him get his feet under your table and then let it all go pear shaped. Better to get him established in his own place where you can keep your eye on him from a distance.

Of course, this is all only from my own personal point of view.
My siblings may have more extreme schizophrenia than your bil.

But it would be a No from me. It's hard enough to deal with it from a distance, let alone live with it.