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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked by SIL and her child

134 replies

lesarbres · 14/07/2017 14:25

I'm a very long-time lurker but this is the first time I've felt the need to post on AIBU. This is a bit long, sorry, but I wanted to give a reasonable picture.

Last week DH and I went to visit his sister and her 2 year old DS. We don't have children of our own but we are both used to spending time with small children.

SIL's DS has taken quite a long time to reach various developmental milestones. For example, until very recently he couldn't speak and is only just beginning to say a couple of words. Her family has been quite worried about this but SIL hasn't been concerned.

When we arrived, I expressed how good it was to see her DS saying a couple of words. She responded by saying that she'd received an appointment in the post for a review of his developmental stages but that he couldn't do half of the things on the list so wasn't going and binned it! Shock

Later, we went for a walk. DH told his sister that we couldn't be long because we needed to get going soon (he has a broken wrist and it's a two hour journey home). After about half an hour DH said that we really should be getting back now, but his sister ignored this and went off in the distance with her DS.

She then decided that her DS needed feeding and proceeded to very slowly feed him two packets of food. At this point, DH was a bit firmer and said that we really must get on because he was very tired and his wrist was hurting.

Eventually we started to make our way towards the park exit... Except, there was a wall that SIL's DS wanted to walk on. We figured it would only take a minute so smiled along. But it didn't take a minute... we spent about 15 minutes standing there while he walked up and down the logs very slowly, with SIL making no effort to encourage him off. DH walked up to him and gently tried to grab his hand, at which point his sister pounced on him and told him to leave him and let him play on the wall.

DH was a bit irritated now and said, 'Look, we need to go.' SIL snapped at him that it was her DS's time and their routine. Confused

Finally we managed to move away from the wall, only to come to the car park. SIL's DS pointed to some letters on the ground (as in, SLOW, EXIT etc.). SIL then spelt out a word as he pointed at each letter on the ground. We were open-mouthed.

But, what really shocked me is that SIL's DS was in the path of a car reversing, so DH ran towards him to grab his hand and pull him out the way. SIL was furious and told DH to get off him. Sad

We've come away feeling really shocked by all of this. I don't think this is a good way to be around children?

OP posts:
Slimthistime · 14/07/2017 15:05

I'm with Gemini.

Slimthistime · 14/07/2017 15:05

I'm with Gemini.

NKFell · 14/07/2017 15:06

Children develop differently.
Toddlers walks take ages.
Toddlers tend to eat slowly.
Toddlers walking on walls will take ages, because they love it.
It's good to point out letters and words.

So, yes YABU to decide to go to the park with a 2 yr old when you're in a hurry.

MaisieDotes · 14/07/2017 15:06

What difficult to understand, gemini, is why the OP thinks that

A) above is any of her business

And

why B) is a big deal. Toddlers are slow, sore wrist or no sore wrist. The "deliberately" bit is subjective on OP's part.

NKFell · 14/07/2017 15:09

I think when reading the OP's post you have to remember this is her point of view. It seems she expected to go to the park, whizz round with a 2 year old and go.

RhubardGin · 14/07/2017 15:09

It's good to point out letters and words

In a car park? That's just dangerous.

The OP said that they had already been at the park a couple of hours when they suggested heading off soon and it took them a further hour to actually leave.

Should they have let the 2 year old dictate what time they left the park?

RhubardGin · 14/07/2017 15:11

The OP said that they had already been at the park a couple of hours

Sorry my apologies, I'm talking shite!

Re-read it and it does say that they told SIL they couldn't be long, oops Blush

ImAFurchester · 14/07/2017 15:11

What a weird post Confused

kittensinmydinner1 · 14/07/2017 15:12

OP. I don't think YABU at all ! How fucking precious. By all means indulge your child with his every whim if it's just you and him - in fact I think that is brilliant, but to blatantly ignore your guests needs is just pig ignorant rudeness.
Along with 'learning' how to balance on a wall.. 'explore' a park and 'recognise' letters - the other great life lesson is that the world doesn't always revolve around your wants and you have to fit in with other people sometimes. It's this kind of parenting that created a pile of entitled kids leading to even more entitled adults. Not the child's fault. Just crap values installed from the start.

missyB1 · 14/07/2017 15:12

I would have said my goodbyes in the park and gone home, leaving the Sil and nephew to finish their walk.

PumpkinSpiceEverything · 14/07/2017 15:13

Kittens- totally agree. My words exactly.

VladmirsPoutine · 14/07/2017 15:14

Why did you and your DH even bother to visit if you were going to make such a drama of it all?

notangelinajolie · 14/07/2017 15:15

What is wrong with a 2 year old pointing to letters and mum telling him what they are? This is good thing surely and it shows that he recognises they mean something. Good on mum for doing this.

The speaking thing. None of mine spoke much at this age. If mum is not concerned than you should not be. She knows her son better than you.

The wall thing. Some kids like walking on walls. It's a thing.

Sorry OP you can't hurry children. As an adult you should know better and not be so impatient.

Gemini69 · 14/07/2017 15:16

Kittens is SPOT ON x

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 14/07/2017 15:16

Yeah, it comes across quite clearly that you don't own children...seriously?! If this shocks you, I suggest you don't plan any!

Haffiana · 14/07/2017 15:17

I think you are utterly typical adults with no kids judging adults with kids. You have no idea what it is like to parent or to have a 2 year old. You are full of ideas about what the priorities and understandings parents should have, and no idea at all what it is like in reality.

One day when you have a 2 year old you will remember this post and absolutely cringe.

InfiniteSheldon · 14/07/2017 15:21

Indulgent rude parenting

YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/07/2017 15:21

Sorry OP you can't hurry children. As an adult you should know better and not be so impatient

Hell yeah .. even if you are injured and tired and have a two hour journey home...

RelaxMax · 14/07/2017 15:23

I do think SIL sounds a bit rude, but I don't get where the concerns about her parenting abilities come from tbh.

HipsterHunter · 14/07/2017 15:25

Yeah I mean, who cares that the DP has a broken wrist, was in pain and had a long journey home and had been in the park for hours before saying they had to be off soon. He can just suck it up and wait, and wait, and wait whilst a 2 year old explores his climbing skills.

The SiL was rude. No need to prolong the park visit after they said they needed to be off.

RhubardGin · 14/07/2017 15:27

I think you are utterly typical adults with no kids judging adults with kids

You don't need kids to think that some parents are over indulgent PITA.

I'm assuming all the posters having a go at OP and calling her and her DH impatient pander to their child's every whim, NEVER hurry them along or tell them they can't do something.

Do you all let your children stop in a CAR PARK to read the letters on the ground, sod the drivers trying to park and manoeuvre around your child because its a "learning experience" Hmm

The wee boy almost got hit my a car because of his mothers stupidity and low attention span.

bibliomania · 14/07/2017 15:28

Did she feel criticised by your judgement of her parenting and deliberately force you to spend extra time in the park so you could witness her hands-on playing with DN?

Even if you were at her house, why did you need her cooperation to go? What was stopping you leaving?

HelloSunshine11 · 14/07/2017 15:30

I'm with RelaxMax. SIL sounds like a bit of a div but nothing about the nephew's development sounds concerning to me and really OP, it's none of your business. The HV 2 yr health check is a box ticking exercise and I didn't take my (perfectly normal with no issues to be concerned about) then 2 yr old to his either. He's now exceeding all expectations at school so whatevs.

kali110 · 14/07/2017 15:31

I don't think yAbu, i'm with gemini, she sounds inconsiderate!
She deliberately delayed your leaving.
By all meAns take the worlds longest walk, stop at every wall, but not when you're with company who have told you they need to leave and can't without you Confused
Inconsiderate.
As for being pissed for pulling her child out the way, the mind boggles Confused

stuntcamel · 14/07/2017 15:31

Sorry OP you can't hurry children

Oh yes you can, especially when they're tiny and you need to head off home. You tell them its time to go, you pick them up and walk off. Job done.