To not taking newborn baby into smoking household

[Lemonfrostedcake]

My mum and her partner are very heavy smokers. They smoke in every room in their house - kitchen, living room, bedroom. My brother lives there but doesn't smoke (I feel sorry for him, but I can't do much about that).

They have always smoked in the house whilst I've been visiting, but since pregnancy they've tried to sit next to the open back door or we sit outside (though still not great as they can both be smoking at the same time either side of me). However as the evening goes on they'll start to have a cheeky fag inside the house.

Even if they aren't smoking in the house, to a non-smoker it's incredibly obvious. Everything just smells and I always come home feeling really grimey.

I was round yesterday - I'm 39 weeks now. It felt a little like the pretense had been given up. Granted, my mum wasn't sitting on the sofa next to me, but instead standing at the living room door way. It's not my house, so I don't say anything.

However I do not want to expose my baby to that atmosphere. I can't make them stop smoking in their house, so the only thing I can think is that we don't go round. No Christmas, no weekend visits, no stay overs for baby, etc. They can of course visit us (though they very rarely bother - possibly because they have to go outside away from the doors to smoke).

I don't think I'm being precious, and I know lots of children survived in smoking households (me, for one), but I still don't want it for my child.

Am I being unreasonable to think it makes little difference to the smoke in the house by smoking outside for the few hours I might visit for? And am I being overly precious?

Yabu

YANBU - I wouldn't take my son into a smoker's house either, and he's 15 months. It's disgusting.

No you aren't being precious. Tell them loud and clear now. We won't be visiting but you are welcome to visit us.

Yanbu. And i say that as a smoker

No you're not being precious at all. I wouldn't take my children there either.

YANBU at all

YANBU - that's pretty gross, stick to your guns, I can't imagine what it would be like to stay over there yuk x

YANBU.

I wouldn't take my 2 and 3 year old DCs to a house like that either, let alone a newborn.

You're not telling them they can't see the baby, you're just saying it unfortunately can't be at their house.

Yanbu. Same issue here with my df and his partner. She's currently on oxygen 14 hours a day and has chronic emphysema, my own mum died of smoking COPD as well.

I refuse to go to their place now even though my dad isn't great at getting around either.

At the end of the day it's better to be "precious" as your protecting your child from SIDS risks, toxic fumes. And yes whilst many people have survived a smokers household how many of them have asthma, bronchitis etc.

You aren't even supposed to let a smoker HOLD your baby within 30mins of them having a smoke. Smokers exhale carbon monoxide which the baby can inhale. This carbon monoxide massively increases the chances of SIDS. My midwife told me this. Actually several did, both pregnancies.

So YANBU.

YANBU.

I would not knowingly take my child into a household of smokers and if they asked I would tell them why.

Before baby arrives tell them that you won't be taking him/her to their house due to the smoke but they are more than welcome to visit any time at yours.

Be prepared for them being insulted and calling you precious. But what's more important to them, smoking or their grandchilds health?

I wouldn't go either.

I have memories of going to a relative's house and sitting there coughing while they puffed away.

Totally weird that my parents allowed that to happen.

I'm glad I'm not being overly precious. I did mention this to my DM very early in pregnancy, and whilst I got the "you were fine" talk, that is when they started to move towards to door or outside to smoke.

But it's the fact that the whole house is always smokey when I go in - even if they've been trying to air it out. I especially notice it when I go upstairs as it seems to linger on the landing.

I'm a little worried about the contact they will have though. During this pregnancy we've definitely seen the ILs a lot more, even though they live 200 miles away. My DM has visited twice since we moved into this house in March and I really would have liked her company during maternity leave.

That's disgusting. And I say that as a smoker who hasn't smoked inside for 20 years.

This was me, a few years back! We just didn't go, when they visited us they had to sit in their own car to smoke. Lots of PA remarks, but no real drama. Your baby, your responsibility, your rules. No arguments. Good luck

Babies and toddlers have nicotine levels from smokers even if the smokers always do it outside.

I believe smokers are not allowed to foster babies under a certain age.

YANBU.

YANBU.

Invite them to your house if you want and make it clear that your house, and garden if you have one, is a no smoking zone.

Show your mum the lullaby trust website. Lots of info about smoking relating to SiDS. Think it increases the chances by about 840 times! Plus is just vile anyway. I know smokers feel victimised and picked on. But imagine someone spraying an aerosol of toxic, vile smelling, cancer causing, fume at someone or even in a room.

i wouldn't risk it. Your mum obviously loves you and will love the baby. Just try and approach it in the right way so she doesn't feel too disapproved of. It's hard as my DD great grandma smokes heavily and I won't go to her house with DD. She took offence as she thought I was implying she was a careless parent and put her own children at risk. But obviously times and education have changed. The link to SIDS wasn't know back then.

did mention this to my DM very early in pregnancy, and whilst I got the "you were fine"

It's unbelievable that with all of the information out there nowadays some smokers choose to remain ignorant to the dangers of passive smoking.

I don't know it's to make themselves feel better about their dirty habit or if they genuinely think all the advice is rubbish.

YANBU. Even when I smoked (many years back,) I would never smoke in the house.

Look up 3rd degree smoke. My dad smokes heavily and i wont visit his house and ask him to wear a jacket when he's at mine to go smoke in outside and then remove the clothing before he comes back in else the smell really sticks to the house and DD climbs all over her grandad.

I dont care if it is precious those our my rules.

It feels like such a fine balance with my mum and I don't want to upset her but this is more important (I think) than causing accidental offence.

I do have to be so careful with wording though. I once didn't go round for Mother's Day once (it hadn't been suggested that I would and I'd been told the were going to her DP's mum's instead), but she stopped returning my calls and texts for 3 months.

My mother smoked as though it were an Olympic sport. I never took DD into her house when she was a baby.

It is a worry I have too. MIL literally doesn't go 30 minutes without smoking, so if I follow all the rules she will literally never be able to hold her grandchild. She has started smoking in the garden as myself and SIL (she lives with MIL) got pregnant at the same time, but it still wafts into the house. I have no backbone and struggle to say anything, DH has mentioned the smoking a few times, but it just ends up in massive arguments. I do think part of it is how much research has been done now but older generations don't want to believe it.