To not taking newborn baby into smoking household

[Lemonfrostedcake]

My mum and her partner are very heavy smokers. They smoke in every room in their house - kitchen, living room, bedroom. My brother lives there but doesn't smoke (I feel sorry for him, but I can't do much about that).

They have always smoked in the house whilst I've been visiting, but since pregnancy they've tried to sit next to the open back door or we sit outside (though still not great as they can both be smoking at the same time either side of me). However as the evening goes on they'll start to have a cheeky fag inside the house.

Even if they aren't smoking in the house, to a non-smoker it's incredibly obvious. Everything just smells and I always come home feeling really grimey.

I was round yesterday - I'm 39 weeks now. It felt a little like the pretense had been given up. Granted, my mum wasn't sitting on the sofa next to me, but instead standing at the living room door way. It's not my house, so I don't say anything.

However I do not want to expose my baby to that atmosphere. I can't make them stop smoking in their house, so the only thing I can think is that we don't go round. No Christmas, no weekend visits, no stay overs for baby, etc. They can of course visit us (though they very rarely bother - possibly because they have to go outside away from the doors to smoke).

I don't think I'm being precious, and I know lots of children survived in smoking households (me, for one), but I still don't want it for my child.

Am I being unreasonable to think it makes little difference to the smoke in the house by smoking outside for the few hours I might visit for? And am I being overly precious?

Really don't get the wilful ignorance of some smokers. My dad, who was in all other ways very selfish and self-centred, never EVER smoked in the house. He smoked throughout my childhood but you'd never know it if you stepped in the house. This was in the 80s, so age isn't exactly an excuse. My uncle, on the other hand, smoked inside the house all the time, with two asthmatic daughters who constantly had coughs, colds, chest infections. Don't think he even stopped when one had pleurisy. Bloody cruel.

YANBU. Hard as it is my child wouldn't ever enter that house. And you really should be careful to limit your own time there while pregnant.

I am almost 40 and my dad stopped
smoking in the house the day I was born. And to this day still goes outside (they have a covered back porch). They knew even back then then it was dangerous for kids, I really don't have any sympathy for people pretending the risks aren't real.

It sounds like your mum is the type to blow up over this, so it might be best to address it now to give her time to get her used to the idea. Can you sort out for her a chair/table/ashtray/covered area/big umbrella?! at the far end of your garden perhaps to show that you really want her to visit, but draw the line that your baby comes first and will not be exposed to smoke.

Yanbu

I wouldn't visit a smoking household

It's a risk to your baby

Df smokes. Outside only and comes in and washes hands before cuddling dd 16w

I would say to your mum she needs to come to you're to see you and baby - or a mutual space like cafe /garden centre

At yours do a table and chair under brolly if she wants to smoke

My dad is a smoker yet has never ever smoked in his own house. He will always go outside so as not to affect everyone else while we were growing up. Even now we've all moved out he still smoke's outside. It's each to their own in terms of personal space.

I think the best thing would be to just ask your mum to pop round as much as possible. Tell her you need her around. Give her the assurance that you want her there as much as possible. And don't feel that you need to go round as much right now or after baby is born as itll be harder for you to even find 5 minutes for yourself let alone popping to a house full of fumes.

Make her feel important. But assert your ground also. Tell her you need her around as much as possible but that means she will need to put her ciggie habit out of mind while at yours because you cant have that around you. But you still want her around you.
She will soon stop minding having to go outside for a cig if she knows she's wanted.

I must be very lucky, I don't know anyone who smokes apart from acquaintances at work and in the pub. Thankfully fewer people smoke nowadays.