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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious for being called out for menstruating at work?

559 replies

Snuffalo · 11/07/2017 15:04

Having horrible menstrual cramps, naproxen isn’t touching it, and I remember I have a hot water bottle in my desk drawer - I used it all winter in my freezing office, and a few other people, male and female, have one as well - we have a rule against personal space heaters so it can be nice to have under your desk next to your feet.

Anyway. I fill the hot water bottle, nestle it in my lap, and I’m back to work. My sort-of-supervisor* we’ll call Guy comes over to talk to me about something, notices the hot water bottle, says “there’s no way you’re cold today, are you?” I say “um, no, just for the pain relief”. He looks confused and then literally horrified and then he walks away.

Less than ten minutes later, I get a Slack message from one of the HR admins (HR is based in another office a few hours away) to say “Guy says you’re not well and should go home, everything OK?”

I say “I’m fine, this is sort of weird, he just looked a bit shocked that I had a hot water bottle, I’ve got cramps, you know how it is.”

She goes silent and then offline completely, ten more minutes later, the HR Director calls me and asks me if I can find a meeting room, which I do. She then tells me that I shouldn’t disclose my medical problems to anyone who isn’t part of HR as it can make them uncomfortable. I’m literally shocked, I explain exactly what happened, she says “yes I understand, if you’re so unwell you need a hot water bottle you should be home, Guy is extremely uncomfortable and it’s unprofessional”. I say “this is weird, ok, anything else”? She’s quite breezy and professional - “No, that’s all, if you’re feeling better that’s great but if you need to, please do go home, OK bye!"

I’m just completely flabbergasted. Especially considering that Guy has been known to take meetings with clients whilst laying flat on the floor on his back because of back problems - which seems to me both unprofessional and likely to make people uncomfortable, not that I really cared personally. I wouldn’t have had my hot water bottle in a client meeting or even if clients were in the office.

Other people have standing desks, weird foot rests, all kinds of chairs and special backrests for their back pain and wrist braces for their wrist pain and a hundred other things and I’m not allowed to have a hot water bottle for my menstrual cramps? Am I right to be completely fucking furious?

*I normally have no problem with Guy, we don’t work closely, no one else does what I do at work but he comes closest and he does my nominal (and always positive) performance reviews and signs off on my holiday.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
SapphireStrange · 11/07/2017 17:26

a much more reasonable thing would have been to refrain from clutching his handbag in horror about a woman having period pain, nod sympathetically and say 'Sorry to hear that' and then got on with his day.

best advice to find yourself in court accused of discrimination...

You'll have to explain that to me, coddi (or anyone who has legal know-how). What would be discriminatory about that?

dangermouseisace · 11/07/2017 17:26

and lots of women in offices round the country have a hot water bottle for menstruation times FFS!

MissBax · 11/07/2017 17:27

Definitely make a complaint OP!

ijustwannadance · 11/07/2017 17:31

Because i'm a total cow, I would be contacting HR every single time Guy was on his back in meetings due to pain so they can tell him to go home as he is clearly too unwell to work.

Or offer him my hot water bottle!Grin

Spadequeen · 11/07/2017 17:31

I'd ask hr if they're happy for you to have several days off a month for this as it's an ongoing condition and obvs you would hate to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Ffs, what a joke!

StrangeLookingParasite · 11/07/2017 17:32

By the power of Menstrualities I command thee thunder!

I want this as a superpower.

Turquoise123 · 11/07/2017 17:32

HR person appears to be in totally the wrong job ?

HoneyWheeler · 11/07/2017 17:33

I'd make a formal complaint. Menstruation is not a medical problem. Guy should mind his own business and seriously consider his career choice if he's too immature to work with women.

MyheartbelongstoG · 11/07/2017 17:34

You all need to calm down.....

Deadsouls · 11/07/2017 17:35

MENSTRUATION IS NOT A MEDICAL PROBLEM

IloveBanff · 11/07/2017 17:36

The OP only said the bottle was for pain relief, without further details, so she could have had several other reasons for the pain as far as Guy knew, so there was no need for his extreme discomfort.

BastardGoDarkly · 11/07/2017 17:36

Coddi in what universe would a boss be hauled to court for saying... Sorry to hear that, if it gets too uncomfortable, know that you can go home... ?! I don't think he should've, I think he should've just said, oh, do you want a cuppa?.... But I just wanted to point out your ridiculous grasping at strawsness.

fivegoldenrings · 11/07/2017 17:36

DEADSOULS listen love, it is. Why the caps lock? Is yours due?

iklboo · 11/07/2017 17:38

Get yourself a bell & start ringing it as you walk round the office shouting 'UNCLEAN!'

Out of the situation it's not you being unprofessional.

OurMiracle1106 · 11/07/2017 17:38

My manager is aware I have endometriosis and told me that if I'm suffering don't ask to go home but tell her and she'll send me home because if I CHOOSE to go home they don't HAVE to pay me but if they send you home they do.

I would be emailing hr for 5 days a month and getting sent home paid cos a colleague feels uncomfortable 😂

StrangeLookingParasite · 11/07/2017 17:39

What ? No it's not. And I'm guessing you're male with that cretinous line.

LoniceraJaponica · 11/07/2017 17:40

My flabber is completely gasted

And what is a "Slack message"? An email?

If I saw a member of my team doubled up in pain with a hot water bottle I would ask if they were OK and if they wanted to go home. I wouldn't involve HR.

ShoesHaveSouls · 11/07/2017 17:40

Send this to "Guy" and HR.

StrangeLookingParasite · 11/07/2017 17:40

That last was to fivegoldenrings.

ShoesHaveSouls · 11/07/2017 17:41

That's weird how my brackets are showing - that's never happened before Confused Perhaps it's the subject matter Grin

coddiwomple · 11/07/2017 17:45

BastardGoDarkly sadly in the same universe when acknowledging women are female is a crime for some people, where showing a bit of common sense is translated as "I am being discriminated because I am female", sadly in the universe where a lot of posters seem to live and are ready to scream "sexual discrimination" a male/female issue arises.

I found so many threads and comments on this forum (and other places) absolutely shocking, but proving that you cannot be too careful, at least in the work place.

Topseyt · 11/07/2017 17:46

Coddi, I am thinking from your posts that you might actually be Guy.

All he needed to do was wish OP well and then get on with his day. Instead he contacted HR, who in turn spoke to OP as though having a period in the office was something akin to a disciplinary offence.

ShoesHaveSouls · 11/07/2017 17:47

Of course he shouldn't have called HR.

Sitting with a hot water bottle on her lap, getting on with her work, suffering from something non-contagious, is just fine.

Kirk1 · 11/07/2017 17:47

ShoesHaveSouls I'd forgotten about that video, now trying to iron while giggling...

coddiwomple · 11/07/2017 17:49

Sorry, I am female, and I do believe HR was crap. I still think that Guy did the right thing, it's not his fault if HR handled the situation badly. I do not see any other options he had.

It is a big jump to translate " if you need to, please do go home" by "something akin to a disciplinary offence".Proves my point.

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