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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is it ok to be snotty to kids who win stuff on sports day, but not to those who 'win' academically??

79 replies

Baalam · 11/07/2017 09:22

Dd won all five of her races at sports day - no surprise, she trains with a club and does park run. Came home in tears because her three friends refused to play with her in the afternoon and one of them told her her dad said dd was a 'show off'.

The kids who 'win' gold certificates at mathletics, or get the best SATS results, or are the strongest readers - noone has an issue there.

What is it about sports and sports day that brings out the worst in people??

OP posts:
Glowerglass · 11/07/2017 09:24

In my experience kids who win academically often get the same treatment. The dad who reckoned your dd was "a showoff" is a git though.

2014newme · 11/07/2017 09:26

I've never known children be nasty to sports winners. It's a Shame it's happened to your child but I'm not convinced it's a widespread 'thing'.

Original poster
Baalam · 11/07/2017 09:26

Do they? I wouldn't know none of mine are super clever Grin

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 11/07/2017 09:28

It's the other way round usually, especially as kids get older. But it sucks, and your DD's "friends" are mean.

2014newme · 11/07/2017 09:29

Every child has a,talent for something and a good school will find a way to recognise and celebrate that so that children don't feel aggrieved if they haven't won on this occasion.
The friends dad is an idiot who never learned the sportsmanship of being a good lower.

Bluntness100 · 11/07/2017 09:30

How old is she?

No it's not ok to be snotty in either situation. But it sounds like these are very young children as you say refuse to play. Clearly they are jealous and too young to handle their emotions. The dads just an arsehole.

MrsJayy · 11/07/2017 09:31

I think academically it is the same my friend had something similar with her eldest the kid got subject prizes apparentlyher dd got alot of stick from other kids and friend overheard parents saying it wasn't fair that she got so many Confused . The dad was a total arse and making his childjust as arsey kids are encouraged to achieve but as long as its not too much is an odd phenomonan

TeenAndTween · 11/07/2017 09:32

Playing Devil's advocate here. No chance she was showing off her wins?

Agree though, usually the sporty people are celebrated and the academic not so much (but at least they know they'll get good qualifications and jobs).

And then there are those not good at either sport or academics ...

Original poster
Baalam · 11/07/2017 09:32

Not sure the school handled it well tbh. They made a huge deal of dd and yet there was one boy in her year who didn't get a place in anything. He cried Sad her year is small and he was the only one without a ribbon. Dd played with him instead apparently

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Bluntness100 · 11/07/2017 09:32

It's the other way round usually, especially as kids get older

That's honestly not my experience, my daughter is very academic, great circle of friends and if anything it won her more friends as the other kids always asked for her help on how to do stuff.

Same thing is happening at uni. Other kids tend to love the bright kid who helps them out.

TheDowagerCuntess · 11/07/2017 09:33

It's not ok to 'be snotty' to a kid that wins anything - sports-related or academic. Especially if you're a grown adult.

Original poster
Baalam · 11/07/2017 09:34

They are year 6. I think the problem may have come from the school spending ages afterwards giving out the ribbons in the hall. I expect everyone was sick of it by then!

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NoctisLucisCaelum · 11/07/2017 09:34

STEALTH BOAST. My daughter won her races at Sports Day and is also pretty bright. She much prefers Sports Day/Swimming Gala day as she gets congratulated by the other members of her house. OTOH when she's coming top in tests she just gets called a nerd/picked on. Maybe it's more about different atmospheres in different schools. Ours is not a high achieving school academically speaking. Agree with PP that the dad is a git though.

strawberrygate · 11/07/2017 09:34

The dad probably didn't say it. I'd find other things to worry about personally; they're children, they'll always find stuff to fall out about. Especially girls, they can be very unkind

NataliaOsipova · 11/07/2017 09:36

I usually think it works the other way round - they have races and sports events where it's pretty bloody obvious who is first and who is last, but they wouldn't dream of posting exam results on the door in descending order.

Not okay for the other dad to have been rotten to your DD, though.

Birdsgottaf1y · 11/07/2017 09:37

My DD wasn't given her winners cup on Sports Day, by her English Teacher who tried to say that it didn't matter.

My DD was severely dyslexic and unsupported, but excelled at anything Physical.

My DD was bullied over her lack of literacy, but was clamped down on if she counteracted it with a put down over how fast etc they could run. I know how you feel.

I agree that it's important to recognise every skill/talent, but you see it on here with the attitude towards people who don't go to Uni/have professional jobs.

WorraLiberty · 11/07/2017 09:37

I think at that age, they're often still learning to be humble in victory.

Having said that, kids who get a lot of certificates for academic achievements in assembly, can also come in for a bit of stick.

Hopefully she'll get more support as she gets older and they all mature a bit.

Original poster
Baalam · 11/07/2017 09:37

I bet he did say it. There was a small group of four couples, parents of girls in dds class, who were whispering together throughout sports day and resolutely refusing to clap dd but pointedly cheering whoever came second. I know that sounds paranoid but even dh saw it and he's totally oblivious usually!

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Original poster
Baalam · 11/07/2017 09:40

have races and sports events where it's pretty bloody obvious who is first and who is last, but they wouldn't dream of posting exam results on the door in descending order.

That is a good point.

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Bluntness100 · 11/07/2017 09:40

Weird, they are old enough to not behave like this.

Is there a chance she was showing off to her friends after the events? For her own friends to cut her loose is unusual. It's not usually your mates that do that, normally other kids who don't play with you.

As said, I think the difference in popularity levels for those that succeed is modesty and the willingness to help others. If she was overly boasting, it could explain the fathers comment and her friends reaction and decision to disassociate themselves,

blackteasplease · 11/07/2017 09:42

My experience is that it is usually the other way round.

Still, sorry to hear that your DD has had a hard time.

Bluntness100 · 11/07/2017 09:43

Were the four coulples parents of your daughters three friends who refused to play with her?

Original poster
Baalam · 11/07/2017 09:45

She could have been I suppose but I doubt it because she thought this might happen and was dreading it a bit. We talk a lot about winning at sport and its very hard to keep the positivity and inspiration going without coming across as too cocky. It's much harder for girls I think as they are supposed to play down their achievements all the time!

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Original poster
Baalam · 11/07/2017 09:45

Yes bluntness

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Bluntness100 · 11/07/2017 09:47

I'm not sure I agree with that that girls are supposed to playbdown their achievements. Years ago yes, but not now. However ther is a balancing act between recognising your own achievements and being boastful. It's an important line because when you cross it, male or female, you just piss everyone off.

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