Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is it ok to be snotty to kids who win stuff on sports day, but not to those who 'win' academically??

79 replies

Baalam · 11/07/2017 09:22

Dd won all five of her races at sports day - no surprise, she trains with a club and does park run. Came home in tears because her three friends refused to play with her in the afternoon and one of them told her her dad said dd was a 'show off'.

The kids who 'win' gold certificates at mathletics, or get the best SATS results, or are the strongest readers - noone has an issue there.

What is it about sports and sports day that brings out the worst in people??

OP posts:
Camomila · 11/07/2017 09:49

@Balaam - they do by uni time, right on the departmental noticeboard Shock

I suppose they think we're old enough to handle it by then.

Original poster
Baalam · 11/07/2017 09:51

Yes I just cannot imagine dd being openly boastful, I've seen her at enough sports things to know she knows how to behave. She's quite mature for her age. What she doesn't do is that thing when people say 'wow dd you are a fast runner' she will say 'thank you!' and smile which maybe comes across as cocky! Oh it's a minefield roll on secondary where parents don't go to sports day!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Baalam · 11/07/2017 09:52

Sorry meant to say she doesn't do that thing where she says 'oh no I'm not really a fast runner'

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 11/07/2017 09:53

There was a small group of four couples, parents of girls in dds class, who were whispering together throughout sports day and resolutely refusing to clap dd but pointedly cheering whoever came second

Dear God. Parents are doing this? That's awful.

Original poster
Baalam · 11/07/2017 09:55

Yes it was a bit pathetic. One of them is quite a good friend but she was quite off. Her dd has just got a sports scholarship to a private school so maybe she wasn't happy that dd beat her dd quite easily!

OP posts:
Whodoesthis17 · 11/07/2017 09:55

It's it about time Schools took the lead and went back to everyone being pleased someone had won.

This everyone wins attitude is what has caused the Snowflake Generation, I really do find I can't employ them as they want the world for no effort....

corythatwas · 11/07/2017 09:55

I was bullied throughout my childhood for being clever. There weren't any awards for academic achievement though, only for sporting achievements. Right at the end of Sixth Form there were some monetary awards which they hadn't been able to get rid of because they were testamentary donations but the school was so embarrassed about that they just shoved the envelope into our hands and didn't tell us what they were for. It was only because my mum was a teacher that I eventually found out I had been given the award for best French student. The girls who had won the racing awards were called to the front of the school and praised openly.

Even so, there was far more bullying directed at "swots" than at sporting champions: they were usually admired.

BearRun · 11/07/2017 09:57

I had the same sort of thing with dd aged 10 this sports day. She is dyslexic and struggles with spelling really badly, the teacher shamed her inform of the whole class because she only got 3 spellings right on her mock SATs paper, dd was humiliated and refused to go back to school the following day. A month later is sports day dd is excellent at sports trains 15 hours in her choose sport and in the junior national team, she won everything very easily at sports day. The same teacher screamed at her on the field for making the other kids feel bad and how she is to competitive and should let the other kids win as she is making them feel bad. I heard this as did everyone else but before I could defend dd she replied to her teacher with " do you tell all the other kids to do badly on their SATs spelling because it makes me feel bad? No you don't you bullied me in front of everyone like your doing now. You are a bully and just because you are an adult and I am a child it doesn't make it acceptable." I was so proud of dd for standing up for herself and showing that she won't let him bully her any more.

Original poster
Baalam · 11/07/2017 09:59

Thinking about it it was the other fast runner girls who were unpleasant. So probably just sour grapes. Also one of the parents shouted 'go on My dd, remember what we said, stay with Baalams dd' so clearly they'd been trying to beat her and discussing it beforehand. God I've wasted too much time on this Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Baalam · 11/07/2017 10:01

Wow bearrun the teacher sounds horrible! Luckily dds teachers are pretty supportive and let her have the odd day ff here and there for particular training. I don't think my dd would have the nerve to say that!!

OP posts:
UnicornPug · 11/07/2017 10:01

It's sports above all else at my kids school. In one weekend my dd and 2 of her classmates won a gold medal representing the school at a local music festival. 2 other kids took part in a triathlon the same weekend- and I think, came 3rd. Guess which one was reported with much fanfare in the school newsletter.

Original poster
Baalam · 11/07/2017 10:02

I'm sorry to hear that cory Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Baalam · 11/07/2017 10:03

unicorn write your own report and send it in! They'll have to print it then!!

OP posts:
chopchopchop · 11/07/2017 10:03

BearRun your dd is amazing and will you congratulate her from me? With that kind of gift for articulacy on her feet she'll do much better in life than a lot of the children who did better in SATS.

OP, the parents are horrid and we've taught DD just to say 'Thank you' when she gets a compliment too. Why should she have to do herself down to make other people feel better.

Some of this attitude comes from the school though for making such a fuss of the winners. There is a girl in one year at DD's school who's dyspraxic and comes in almost a lap behind everyone else in the long races. She gets massive cheers from the parents just for keeping going, so I guess that perhaps she doesn't mind other people winning as much.

HattiesBackpack · 11/07/2017 10:07

Tell your DD to ignore them!
Losing graciously is a dying art and it makes me so bloody cross!

And the other parents sound like mean spirited buffoons to be honest.

My DS has SN and will never be winning academic awards or sports awards but I wouldn't be so mean spirited as to not clap and cheer the kids who do.

LeannePerrins · 11/07/2017 10:11

I think a lot depends on the culture of the school and what is celebrated. I was bullied mercilessly in a very sporty school for being very bright. No recognition or celebration of academic achievement whatsoever.

Soditall · 11/07/2017 10:12

Your poor DD,tell her well done from me.I think her achievement is amazing and it sounds very well deserved with all of the work she's put in. Star

I would go and have a word with the Head teacher if it was me, grown adults people that are supposed to be grown up enough to raise they're own children should never have behaved in the way you've said they did, they're all pathetic and they're setting an awful example to they're children that won't do them any favours in they're future lifes!

I don't think the school has gone about things in the right way neither.
In our DD9 school they have a 1st,2nd and 3rd place and all of the other children that take part all get medal stickers and everyone is cheered on,weather they came first or last.

Groupie123 · 11/07/2017 10:13

Good opportunity to tell your DD to look for new friends.

withouttea · 11/07/2017 10:16

It's so hard for your daughter. It will blow over though. Girls can be so bitchy!

My daughter tends towards the academic side but loves sports, and is always chuffed to bits when she does well at sports. Last year in year 6 they played netball and she got a couple of nifty shots in and was very pleased. One girl (frenemy) told her she was showing off. This girl has form for this sort of thing, and DD knows it, but it still stung.

The thing that makes me feel so utterly despairing is that it's fellow girls belittling each other's achievements, dragging them down. It feels like the message is 'don't stand out, don't be too clever, don't be too successful'.

I applaud your daughter's confident smile. Good for her. It's a tough lesson, but when you excel at anything, there will always be a few bitches want to take you down.

They are not worth her notice.

StormTreader · 11/07/2017 10:16

"I bet he did say it. There was a small group of four couples, parents of girls in dds class, who were whispering together throughout sports day and resolutely refusing to clap dd but pointedly cheering whoever came second. I know that sounds paranoid but even dh saw it and he's totally oblivious usually!"

What horrible women! I'd have been tempted to go up to them and suggest that they might want to get their eyesight checked since they seem to be struggling to work out when to clap!

christmaswreaths · 11/07/2017 10:17

I agree that the culture of the school influences it, but then also that some kids can be unkind with regards to others' achievements no matter what. I know a couple of kids who are at near olympic level in their sport who are mercilessly bullied by their peers about it.

I am sorry your DD has had to endure this, I guess the best thing is trying to ignore them and move on...

Bunlicker · 11/07/2017 10:20

I'd assume the "friend" was lying about her dad tbh.

But if she wasn't he's a nob.

MargaretCavendish · 11/07/2017 10:21

What horrible women! I'd have been tempted to go up to them and suggest that they might want to get their eyesight checked since they seem to be struggling to work out when to clap!

Ah, yes, of course - horrible women (and right below a post saying that 'girls can be so bitchy'. Even though it was a dad that (supposedly) said this, and they are explicitly referred to as 'four couples' and 'parents', not 'mums'. But of course only women can be nasty.

GloriaV · 11/07/2017 10:22

They should have teams/houses for the schools older pupils - then the DCs in her team would cheer her on so their team won.

NataliaOsipova · 11/07/2017 10:23

Also one of the parents shouted 'go on My dd, remember what we said, stay with Baalams dd' so clearly they'd been trying to beat her and discussing it beforehand.

Oh God - the overinvested parents! I stood behind some chap at my daughter's (infant) sports day; you'd have thought it was the bloody Commonwealth Games by the way he was trying to psyche up his (y1) child. Sports Days can celebrate success and celebrate all taking part together and be - well - fun. All at the same time. All this over competitiveness and nastiness is ridiculous. And sets a poor example to the kids.