Why is it ok to be snotty to kids who win stuff on sports day, but not to those who 'win' academically??

[Baalam]

Dd won all five of her races at sports day - no surprise, she trains with a club and does park run. Came home in tears because her three friends refused to play with her in the afternoon and one of them told her her dad said dd was a 'show off'.

The kids who 'win' gold certificates at mathletics, or get the best SATS results, or are the strongest readers - noone has an issue there.

What is it about sports and sports day that brings out the worst in people??

It was a dad's ill-judged attempt to console his child and make them (and himself) feel better about not winning. Remind your child it's not about them personally and they would have said that about anyone who was so successful.

She should say thanks and accept a compliment.

This is all very alien to me, so I suppose it's down to the school,culture. Clearly there were little bitches at my daughters school, but bullying tended to be over other things, never achievement.

My daughter won some academic awards at the end of sixth form and you could see from the applause everyone was delighted for her. She was crap at sports though and it was all i could do to go to the occasional sports day, and yes some girls always won, but I never witnessed any bitchiness over it ( all girls school) more the girls were all " God, x is so good" .

Bitchiness was usually over things like appearance or whatever. Being good at something was seen as a huge positive.i guess there was some jealous kids, but they didn't publicly make their feelings known.

No parent should support or encourage their kid to ostracise someone because they are better than them at something. That's just awful and setting the kid up for major problems in their working life.

have races and sports events where it's pretty bloody obvious who is first and who is last, but they wouldn't dream of posting exam results on the door in descending order.

Some lower schools do indeed do this: lists of test results on the board so everyone can see just what everyone else got. Obviously the parents don't see this, but then the dc can go home and tell their parents....

Its anything that has a competive element that brings it out in people (so Sports Day is such an obvious event, the academic side does not have such a focussed event)

But it is in everything. I was very academic so I would win the certificate for the top of the class every term. One term the teacher decided that I had won enough so along with my best friend worked it so that she won it (by giving her out more merits etc). I still remember it now.

Actually I agree too that usually people who are good at sports are looked at great people. Lots of talks about how XX is going to be in the country team for xx or how YY is going for a national competition during term time.

But clever children are more likely to have to disguise their knowledge bevquse otherwise it's boasting.
Ime it gets better in secondary but only once they have put them in sets. Before that, it's even worse (full on bullying for being clever incl regular put down comments such as 'you're just a stupid nerd' said in front of the teacher wo any reaction from said teacher)

That's 2017 too....

Well done to your DD. At least she is nearing the end of this school term. The parents sound ridiculous. They will have a short sharp shock when they get to secondary.

I do think that some schools value some areas over others though, and this depends on the leadership of the school. My DS's school is very sporty, but they make a huge effort to always showcase art/music/drama/ academics, and as a result, there are a lot of different kids names being read out at prizegivings and sports days which is really nice.

However, I was a child a group from my school won an incredibly prestigious national music competition. It was a bit like a film, as we were the plucky underdogs from a nondescript comprehensive, and we would be ushered into these amazing private schools, play out of our boots, and proceed to the next round.

We ended up on the stage at St John's Smith Square in London, and got first prize. It was a Big Deal.

Next school assembly, the Y3 hockey team was praised to the rafters for getting to the second round of a local competition. We were not even mentioned.
After the parents kicked up a fuss, we were handed a badge that said 'music' on it. So it was all worth it....

Blunt I fully agree this is down to the school culture.
I'm still and :( that where I live, achievements is never seen as a good thing (nor going to a really good Uni such as Durham, Oxford etc... it's either boasting or too much like 'better yourself' ).
But sports and especially football is always good and seeing as something great.

That's awful, your DD did well and that should be celebrated. At my boys school everyone gets cheered although the children who get the biggest cheers are the ones who keep going and try even though they finish after everyone else.

My boys are terrible at sport but they try hard and I'm very proud of them. DS1 and DS2 will win the chess medals for their years and DS1 will be doing a lot in the summer concert. DS3 often gets certificates for demonstrating "golden values" eg being kind, forgiving, helpful etc.

I think it's fair and right that children's sporting achievements are celebrated as long as every child is rewarded for something, whether sport, academic stuff, being helpful/kind or trying hard.

Some schools sound bloody weird. Mine would praise students for whatever they did, be that winning a football match or winning a chess tournament. They would do an assembly at the end of the year and praise those who did the best of their year in languages, english, maths, PE, all of the subjects, and then the extracurricular activities as well. They did the same in primary and secondary schools, both government run, they weren't private.

The parents of those children are just as childish as their children to be honest. Pity them, dont be angry at them. Well done to your daughter.

I tink therebis a difference between whatbthe school does and what happens between children.

Our secondary is full on achievements and rewards for best effort/English/having won xx competition (sports or academic).
Ask the children though and they'll tell you it's all bogus, doesntbhave any meaning. Both my dcs have received some 'award' and when I praised them and ask them if they were proud of what they did they looked at me in disbelief saying they actually had no idea why they had received said award....
Within the classroom though this is a different thing altogether and being the clever one isn't a good thing (see comments above that Dc1 is receiving regularly...)

Not seen this - the school mine have been to have managed to cheer all - parenst staff and other children - one who come way back down field and ones who come first and second.

I did have one child in an awful school year - thankfully we moved away so changed schools. It focused more one academic achivements or was drowned out at whole sporting evenrts.

There were nasty comment for childen struggling academically and one doing better than small vocal core of parent's kids.

I know this as my child in that year struggled a lot initally - and we had so many nasty comments that children often copied and said back to my child. Then with home support they stopped struggling and started doing really welll - and same parents found nasty comments about that .

Envy ia terrible thing

Your DD should totally celebrate her success!

I haven't experienced this with DD yet but my school experience was that the sporty ones were popular and the less sporty you were the more you got picked on / excluded / ended up in an 'unpopular' clique. Academics didn't come into it so much. We were quite a forgiving lot in that sense!

TBH if she is a lot better than the rest then parents may take her winning as a given considering the "real" competition as that for second place.

She shouldn't have to be unduly modest about what she can do and obviously parents should not be mean but as others have pointed out, who comes first in a race is very visible in the way exam results are not. And making a huge song and dance out of ribbons for a long time afterwards will rub it in with the less sporty and probably doesn't help in the same way that prolonged laboured only academically focussed prize giving run it in for the less academically able.

My Dd and my GD are very clever artists. My daughter used to make cards to sell at the school. The school was sponsored by a local firm, who ran a competition for a Christmas Card for them to use.

My GD card was chosen. All the card were put on display and one of the Dad's said to my GD did your mum do that?.

She was 5. The card was just a snowy hill with a big snowman wearing a scarf in the Company Colours. I was speechless but there is nothing you can say really without lowering yourself to their level

It's jealousy, and probably also a big pinch of "nice girls share, nice girls don't hog the limelight, nice girls make sure their friends win too". Don't let them drag her down.

It's so sad to get an award and then someone goes out of their way to pull you back down to earth. I've always tried to teach my children that everyone is good at something. When they receive an award you congratulate them and clap. When it is your turn, you enjoy the moment.

I have experienced this also. I think being clever is now seen as something to be celebrated above other traits , actually other positive traits even offend people these days. I think years of clever kids being called nerdy etc has made us swing too much the other way so being clever is the only thing that's acceptable to big someone up about rather than saying they are attractive, stylish etc. People seem to hate it when they hear others complemented for these types of traits arguing they are shallow yet brains, talent, looks , sporting ability are all shallow. None of them define whether you are a nice person or not but for some reason academic ability is praised more. Many sports people have amazing careers and give a lot back through various charity work etc so can make a big contribution to society as can academic ability but for some reason (probably deflection due to personal insecurities) it seems in certain circles praise for any other trait is frowned upon.

My DD also goes to a "sport above everything else" school. In fact I am waiting, and waiting, for a call back from the school after a PE related incident at the school with her now

I think sport in school is completely fucked up. Due, in no small part to sadistic PE teachers, especially in relation to girls.

Fear not OP, once she's at secondary school your DD's sporting prowess will be lauded constantly and any academic achievement largely ignored if her school is anything like DD's

My DD1 is clever and athletic she gets attitude for doing well at sports rather than been top of the class intact she gets a lot of praise with this from school.

We have two sports day one with kS2 and with KS1 and 2. At the KS2 a parent came up to me and told me her DD hadn't beaten my DD because her DD didn't have her trainers on and mine had hers on. I was sat with my friend at the time and we just looked at each like this every year I've had parents tell me my child only won because... This year was the first time a child complained she won by bullying her and threating to beat her up she's 8 and shouldn't have to put with such stupidity! that a whole other thread

one thing that annoys me is that sportsday is done in front of everyone - spectator attendance at sports day is almost compulsory it seems...

Some sporty children are rewarded in front of the whole school and a big audience.
Sporty children like my eldest DD who plays numerous sports but cannot run fast - not recognised.
Unsporty children are shown in front of the whole school (no matter how encouraging the cheers) to be unsporty/unfit/overweight etc...

In Academic things, or in classroom work - its not the brightest who are rewarded - at least in Primary school - its the "ones who work well in teams" or "are good citizens" - no-one in education currently would say "Suzie is cleverer than all the other children in the class"....
Also (and rightly so) then entire population of school parents, grans grandas etc aren't invited to watch children struggling in a maths assessment, like they are invited to watch children struggling at running races...

It sounds horrid for your daughter - however she may just be the unfortunate victim of pupil and parent resentment about other things going on.

I'm sorry for your DD, she did well and should be proud of her achievement. The parents may have been trying to console their DC, or they may have been even more resentful than the kids, but either way they were setting a terrible example. I remember being taught good sportsmanship at school, and told to always shake the hand of the winners and congratulate them. I don't think this happens as much nowadays but I have tried to instil this in my children.

I don't agree that academic achievements are more celebrated, at least not in my DC's school. My DD wins virtually every academic accolade in her year, but was still desperate to win the cross country as she would get a medal in assembly! Apparently the academic stuff isn't deemed important enough to mention in assembly... I was under the impression that was the main reason the kids are there, no?

Yes bravebear!!
"nice girls share, nice girls don't hog the limelight, nice girls make sure their friends win too".

This is what dd has struggled with. As if you win a race by a mile it's impossible to fulfil this unspoken demand!!

But she really wants to be 'a nice girl'!