I remain very, very, sorry for Charlie's parents. They are going through the horror and trauma of losing their child. However, I remain more sorry for Charlie. Because I fear that his parents have indeed become blinded to his best interests. And the involvement of mob social media, and extremist backers, makes it even harder for them to hear anything from the dedicated medical team who have kept Charlie alive so long.
The doctors have, technically, been playing god for months. Because without them, and the whole team, Charlie would have been dead many months ago. What they actually want to do is to stop playing god. Because it isn't working. And causing suffering when there is no hope is torment.
I hate children dying. I remember them all. Every single one of them. Those brought into A&E already dead, where we could not bring them back. Those who were just too sick, or born far too early, or too damaged by a harsh cruel nature. Those from terrible accidents, and those struck down by disease. Those who died quickly, and those where we at least managed a gentle passing and a chance to say goodbye. I have cuddled dying babies, when their parents couldn't. And shed tears, afterwards, for each and every one.
Paediatricians care about our patients. We get attached to them. We fight for them. PICUs routinely look after children for months, who if they were adult patients would be turned away by our more pragmatic adult colleagues, as having too small a chance, too cruel a quality of life. And when we fail, we mourn them. But, let us be clear, it is only one tiny drop of grief compared to the all consuming ocean of grief that overwhelms their parents.
But we do grieve. Every death leaves a tiny little scar on your soul. But failing a child is a greater scar. Knowing that you are causing completely futile suffering for even a day or two is agonising, but sometimes you have to do that, for the sake of the parents. Doing the same for months? Charlie is what matters in the middle of this. He is the centre, and the focus. But I do also wonder how many highly trained and desperately needed expert staff are being pushed ever closer to burnout.
So, I don't blame the parents. Because I cannot. They are going through hell. But I do not agree with them. And the surrounding baying mob are appalling.
I hope that Charlie may be at peace very soon. And I hope that when that time comes, his parents will have calm, sensible, compassionate people there for them, and not this media circus.