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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your DC was born on an older DC birthday.....

122 replies

Babyiwantabump · 11/07/2017 01:06

Who would you expect your DH/OH/BF to spend the majority of the day with? And the day after?

You and the newborn? Or older DC? Or equally shared?

OP posts:
WillRikersExtraNipple · 11/07/2017 01:10

Depends. On the older child's age, what else was going on, what plans were made, who else was there. Impossible to answer without context.

Frazzled74 · 11/07/2017 01:12

Older dc who's bday it is if school age, otherwise shared time.

GreenTulips · 11/07/2017 01:12

I'd assume the older DC isn't living with Dad?

Can you share the day equally?

BeepBeepMOVE · 11/07/2017 01:14

everyone together, family occasion of course!

Original poster
Babyiwantabump · 11/07/2017 01:15

Older DC 9 .

Spent the day With Grandparents/cousins /aunt uncle /other DC etc at family birthday party .

New baby born mid morning

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 11/07/2017 01:16

On the actual day of birth? Or future birthdays?

AstridandMagnusMama · 11/07/2017 01:16

Ha, almost happened to us! We celebrated the older DC's birthday before I went in for dc2.
In the day, DH was with me, dc1 with granny.

Original poster
Babyiwantabump · 11/07/2017 01:17

On the actual day of birth

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 11/07/2017 01:17

Sorry cross posted. I'd expect him to share it or possibly a bit more time with the 9 yr old. Maybe spending the time when child is at school with me and baby.

Original poster
Babyiwantabump · 11/07/2017 01:18

Baby born on a Saturday morning.

Sorry for being cryptic - trying to work out if IABU

OP posts:
Original poster
Babyiwantabump · 11/07/2017 01:22

New baby will be half sibling to DC if that makes a difference?

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 11/07/2017 01:22

Saturday, so no school. I'd expect dad to stay with me for first few hours after birth then spend rest of day with other child bringing them in for a visit too. Organise other people to visit you as well as other people to see Birthday child.
But on the whole I'd expect the older child to take preference as they could be sensitive on their birthday and on becoming an older sibling.

Notanotheruser111 · 11/07/2017 01:22

On the actual day of birth I'd expect the older child to be the one with more attention. The newborn doesn't actually care as long as they are snuggled. Where as the older child is losing their day, so giving them a fair bit of reassurance that they are still special, it won't take away from that seems reasonable.

steff13 · 11/07/2017 01:23

Ha, almost happened to us! We celebrated the older DC's birthday before I went in for dc2.

Us, too! #2 son born 9/11, then the girl one came along on 9/10.

As far as the newborn goes, well, I can see both sides, I think. Yes, the father should be with the mom/newborn, however, I think older siblings generally need a bit more attention when a new baby arrives, and I would think that is probably even more true of the new baby "steals," the older child's birthday.

Isadora2007 · 11/07/2017 01:24

Half sibling even more so as important for older child to not feel pushed out. Is dad dad to both? If not the actual dad could step up and leave your partner with space to see you. But if he is dad to both then I'd say even more important he sees his older child.

steff13 · 11/07/2017 01:25

I agree, Isadora2007. There's a chance the older child is already feeling replaced by the new baby.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 11/07/2017 01:26

Are you complaining that your partner spent time with his child on their birthday because you think your new child should come first?

Cupcake1315 · 11/07/2017 01:27

This nearly happened to me. My ex had an older daughter born on the 20th and I had my daughter on the 19th with 15 mins to go before the next day. We weren't even together but he came to the birth and the hospital on the 20th. He saw his oldest daughter who was 10 on the weekend and they celebrated then. I would have kicked up a fuss to high heavens if he'd missed her birth.

Original poster
Babyiwantabump · 11/07/2017 01:30

Dad is dad to both- so older DC is stepDC to mum.

Interesting only one person has said shared as family time so far .

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 11/07/2017 01:31

Maybe OP wanted the help? You know with feeling emotional tired sore - then deserted while OH played happy families with older child?

I think OH should've spent the time with his partner and new baby - maybe nipping off the fetch older DC for a visit and present

Not nice to be deserted

steff13 · 11/07/2017 01:33

There are plenty of years for them to share family time on their birthday. I think it's important for the 9-year-old to be the "star" this time. Provided the dad was there for the birth, I think the day should have been about the older child.

Original poster
Babyiwantabump · 11/07/2017 01:34

WillRikers nope but interesting how people always jump to that evil stepmother stance as soon as half siblings are mentioned!

Would it make a difference if they weren't half siblings? Does being a half sibling automatically make you less important than your older brother / sister etc?

Arent you supposed to love all your children equally? No one is more or less important than the other?

OP posts:
steff13 · 11/07/2017 01:36

Maybe OP wanted the help? You know with feeling emotional tired sore - then deserted while OH played happy families with older child?

Eh, I get that. But would she have still been in the hospital the day of the birth? Here she would have been. This was a special circumstance, perhaps the OP had someone else who could help during the day, her mom, her sister, her best friend?

Isadora2007 · 11/07/2017 01:36

The older child will be feeling like they're losing so much- their place as their dads youngest child, their dad if he doesn't live with them but will be living with the new baby and also his birthday... which will now also be shared forevermore.
Cut them some slack and let them see their dad as the baby doesn't know any better this year...

Original poster
Babyiwantabump · 11/07/2017 01:37

So day of birth is less important than birthday? Even though one only happens once and the other every year?

OP posts: