My feed

to access all these features


AIBU to expect visiting children to flush the loo and wash their hands?

99 replies

TheProdigalRhubarb · 10/07/2017 20:39

Ds had a friend come back here after school for a play and some tea. He's not been here before.

After a while he asked to go to the loo, so I showed him where it was and went back into the kitchen. I heard him come out again and pad off down the corridor without any sound of flushing or hand washing. I'm used to small children 'forgetting', so I did what I always do and trotted after him to remind him. He said "I don't want to", so I replied something along the lines of "come on, it won't take a minute' and steared him back to the loo. He flushed and washed. Fine.

Later on, just as everyone was sitting down for tea, he nipped off to the loo again, and again reappeared without flushing/washing (bathroom is next to kitchen, so running water can clearly be heard). I said a cheery but firm "Flush and wash please!" but he ignored me and sat back at the table.

I was in the middle of dishing up food and herding three other children into seats, and his mum had arrived at this point (I suggested she turn up earlier than she needed to pick up so we could have a cup of tea and a chat, as she's new to the area and we don't know each other very well) so I left it to her to deal with. She gently asked him to go back to the bathroom, he said no, and she replied "was it just a wee?". I think he must have nodded (I had my back to them) because nothing else was said and he started eating his tea.

Surely 'just a wee' is no excuse to not flush the loo and wash your hands, especially when sitting down to eat?

Actually I do know some people don't always flush the loo after a wee in their own home to save water or whatever, but at someone else's house it's different isn't it?

Or am I being prim? Or something.

OP posts:
Onhold · 10/07/2017 20:44

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2017 20:46

I agree with Onhold.

JeNeBaguetteRien · 10/07/2017 20:47

YANBU, it's a minging habit and bad manners to enter the kitchen without washing your hands after going to the loo. The child is school age, this should be routine. Maybe the parents don't always wash their hands either.

NotYoda · 10/07/2017 20:48

Maybe they don't flush for wees in their house. We don't (unless someone's coming round)

But for goodness sake, they flush in other people's houses, and they blinking well wash their hands.

You should see the boys' toilets at school .... bluergh

MoonlightandMusic · 10/07/2017 20:51

YANBU - ugh. You are not being prim at all, that's just grim of both him and his parent.

Onhold · 10/07/2017 20:58

Were you listening to try and catch him out? I doubt I'd even notice.

Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2017 21:00

The only thing I used to do when DC had friends over is tell everyone to wash their hands before eating. I didn't keep tabs on their trips to the loo.

BuzzKillington · 10/07/2017 21:03

I wouldn't have noticed, tbh.

And even if I had I wouldn't have potentially embarrassed him as you did.

A jolly, 'let's all wash our hands' before dinner would've done if you were that worried.

TheProdigalRhubarb · 10/07/2017 21:08

We'd already done a jolly 'let's all wash our hands'. He went to the loo after that.

I wasn't listening to catch him out, as such, but I do notice if I don't hear the flush and taps as I'm used to making sure my own dc do it. I admit I'm a stickler for flushing and washing. That's why I'm asking AIBU, because I'm wondering if it's something that other people let go.

It would explain the revolting nature of the school toilets and why stomach bugs run riot.

OP posts:
TheProdigalRhubarb · 10/07/2017 21:10

I should add, I notice if I'm in the kitchen, next door to the bathroom. If I'm elsewhere I don't follow them and listen outside - I'm not some kind of toilet-obsessive-fruitcake! Grin

OP posts:
Onhold · 10/07/2017 21:10

I don't think you should have embarrassed him either.

TheProdigalRhubarb · 10/07/2017 21:19

He's 5. Is it really embarrassing him to remind him to flush the loo and wash his hands?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2017 21:20

He might think twice about visiting again.

shinyshiner · 10/07/2017 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oly5 · 10/07/2017 21:24

I think you need to lighten up! Who cares? He's little!

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes · 10/07/2017 21:25

YANBU it's basic hygiene. Know a family like this and the kids always have tummy bugs unsurprisingly.

emmyrose2000 · 10/07/2017 21:28


Of course someone should flush the toilet in someone else's home (or in public).

His comments about "not wanting to" are totally unacceptable. Clearly he's used to getting away with what he wants at home judging by what happened (or didn't happen) after his mum arrived. That would probably concern me more than anything else, as that sort of entitled attitude is totally unacceptable to me. I'd be mortified if my child was so rude to someone like that.

Onhold · 10/07/2017 21:30

He's 5. He probably couldn't be doing with all the angst about his toilet visits.

Bumdishcloths · 10/07/2017 21:35

I think you need to lighten up. He's little!

And that's exactly why he should be doing it. Little people are breeding grounds for bacteria. I wouldn't want my child's pissy hands all over my home, let alone anyone else's. It's basic hygiene, and while I'm certainly not an advocate of antibacterialising everything in sight, washing your hands when they've been on or near your genitals is a must regardless of age!

SecretFreebirther · 10/07/2017 21:37

Urgh my nephew (7yo) does this! He says he doesn't need to. I tell him be blinking well does in my house if he plans on touching anything!

halcyondays · 10/07/2017 21:39

It isn't "angst" to ask kids to wash their hands after the's basic hygiene that should be learnt as they soon as they start toilet training.

sunsurfacingdefiantly · 10/07/2017 21:39

I never used to wash my hands. I do now if people are watching. Never had stomach bugs though.

halcyondays · 10/07/2017 21:39

Basic hygiene

jarhead123 · 10/07/2017 21:40

He probably won't want to visit again now!

I don't really care or notice what my kids friends do when they visit. It's not my place to remind them. People hate people who go on like that.

JacquesHammer · 10/07/2017 21:40

Wouldn't have got the slightest bit worked up about it.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.