AIBU to expect visiting children to flush the loo and wash their hands?

[TheProdigalRhubarb]

Ds had a friend come back here after school for a play and some tea. He's not been here before.

After a while he asked to go to the loo, so I showed him where it was and went back into the kitchen. I heard him come out again and pad off down the corridor without any sound of flushing or hand washing. I'm used to small children 'forgetting', so I did what I always do and trotted after him to remind him. He said "I don't want to", so I replied something along the lines of "come on, it won't take a minute' and steared him back to the loo. He flushed and washed. Fine.

Later on, just as everyone was sitting down for tea, he nipped off to the loo again, and again reappeared without flushing/washing (bathroom is next to kitchen, so running water can clearly be heard). I said a cheery but firm "Flush and wash please!" but he ignored me and sat back at the table.

I was in the middle of dishing up food and herding three other children into seats, and his mum had arrived at this point (I suggested she turn up earlier than she needed to pick up so we could have a cup of tea and a chat, as she's new to the area and we don't know each other very well) so I left it to her to deal with. She gently asked him to go back to the bathroom, he said no, and she replied "was it just a wee?". I think he must have nodded (I had my back to them) because nothing else was said and he started eating his tea.

Surely 'just a wee' is no excuse to not flush the loo and wash your hands, especially when sitting down to eat?

Actually I do know some people don't always flush the loo after a wee in their own home to save water or whatever, but at someone else's house it's different isn't it?

Or am I being prim? Or something.

I have severe OCD about toilet germs, and this is exactly why nobody is allowed to visit my house. I appreciate i'm beyond the severe end of the scale but i couldn't have a none washer in my house touching my things. Anything they touched they'd contaminate and those things would then contaminate other things in what would become an almighty game of contamination dominoes. (Yes, i am currently awaiting an appointment with mental health services to try to help me with my OCD, but it takes forever)

To me it doesn't matter even if it is "just" a wee, germs are germs, and it is polite to wash in other peoples houses. The not flushing i would actually prefer though. Admittedly my dad (who i live with) does it, especially at night, and it smells so strongly when i go in the bathroom (he has type 2 diabetes and his wee STINKS) that i do have a little panic sometimes that hes got it on the floor or somewhere as it reminds me how mens loos always stink. That being said though i don't like the loo being flushed without the lid down as the germs aerosolise, and a visitor wouldn't automatically put the lid down first so i'd rather a guest didn't flush.

How people act in their own homes is up to them, but it is just polite to always wash in public loos or other peoples houses, you never know when you might come in to contact with someone who is immunocompromised. To actually refuse to wash when asked is incredibly rude and inconsiderate, even for a kid. I do appreciate that some people have skin conditions and washing is painful, but i still don't personally think that excuses people from not washing at other peoples houses without the ok from the homeowner, and doesnt excuse not washing in public at all.

I actually had to end an online friendship with a guy who was always bragging about the fact he never washes his hands. He'd make a big joke out of it regularly reminding me he doesn't wash after a wee or a crap, even when he has diarhoea quite often, despite me telling him the thought of it would make me feel anxious every time he mentioned it.

Yuk, but it was only his own health he was risking by eating with wee wee hands so, meh.
He must be the first 5 year old to not wander round putting his hands everywhere then...
Revolting habit. In someone else's house you definitely flush and you always wash your hands.

I don't wash my hands after going for a wee. The skin on my hands can't take it.

I do of course wash before food prep

I should point out I do wash my hands if I use public loos

Everyone commenting that he's only little and it doesn't matter, will that still apply when he's 10, 15, 25? I'm always a little puzzled by "they're too small" comments, at what age should they be told?

Of course you did the right thing to remind him. And the right thing to jolly him along in a cheerful way. You also did the right thing by letting mum take over once she arrived.

It seems a lot of people don't think it's a big deal which explains the amount of people I see in work/public toilets not washing their hands I guess. I personally find it pretty gross and I don't think YABU.

"When its brown flush it down, when its yellow it it mellow."

There are less bacteria in urine than in tap water.

The thing is if you don't create a habit whilst small you end up with adults who don't wash their hands. It's totally disgusting.

AlmostAJillSandwich I have OCD/contamination fears also. What bugs me though is when people act like you're over the top for insisting on basic hygiene like in this scenario. Because then you think is it the OCD or are they just disgusting? I do my best to reign it in a lot so people don't think I'm totally bonkers unreasonable but even so it's not asking much for kids/adults to wash their hands after going to the loo! As others have said kids tend to touch everything in sight, other kids who may be eating etc and it's just gross. The mother of the boy didn't help much either so it's clearly not an ingrained habit which sorry but it should be.

Actually since he's a boy and it was a pee it's worse, since he presumably touched his penis to aim the pee into the toilet?

Also maybe he just pissed in the sink as he clearly has no grasp of toileting basics!

I just don't understand why you wouldn't tell your child to be courteous and flush the toilet in someone elses home. As well as washing your hands, simply because of hygienic reasons. For the child as well, I would always want a 3 year old to wash their hands after using the toilet. Why? Because 3 year olds get their hands on everything regardless. So the idea they can come back to the table after using the bathroom without washing their hands is a bit disgusting. Adults wouldn't do it, why shouldn't children? Because they're small?! So, they touch everything! Wash your hands!

A couple years ago I took my nephew to the bathroom. He flushed the toilet and was ready to leave the bathroom and I said, remember to wash your hands. He said, my dad never makes me wash my hands. I said, why don't you just do me a favour and wash them as we're about to eat anyway? He said OK. He told his dad that we should always wash our hands. My BIL blushed slightly and said, I only said you don't always need to wash your hands if you've done a wee. My SIL (his wife) was HORRIFIED. She's like, so that's why the boys fight me about washing their hands?!?

YANBU
He is 5. School would insist on a flush and hand wash if an adult was present. Asking him to go back and do it isn't embarrassing him at all. You have expectations of basic hygiene in your home, something I thought all people would have. I would have done the same as you OP. Also I've never known people not flush after a wee. Not judging, just didn't know it was a thing.

This reminds me of a post on the thread "You know you're a parent when..." "You hear yourself saying "There's a poo in the toilet, no paper and the sink is dry - WHOSE IS IT?"" 😂

YANBU.

Completely gross.

He's obviously not been raised to do this it home. It's basic hygiene!

Probably means his parents don't wash their hands either.

Yuk!

Never met a 5 year old who will voluntarily wash and flush at someone else's house. Aged 10, most do

Really? DS2 is 5 in a couple of weeks and he always, always washes his hands after using the loo. He was taught to do this during potty training so it's just habit for him. It wouldn't occur to him not to, and he hates it is he has to wee behind a tree on a country walk, because there's no sink. It's funny as he is pretty grubby in most other ways, as most 4/5 year olds are . He is shocked when people don't wash their hands in public loos and has been known to loudly whisper 'Mummy! That lady didn't even wash her hands!' in a not very subtle way.

DS1 (11) is the one who needs to be reminded occasionally, as he will sometimes skip washing out of laziness. But when he was younger he would just do it out of habit.

I wouldn't use a play date to 'educate' kids on their failings, but with something like hygiene I would ask them nicely and firmly to wash afterwards. My kids have been taught that they do what their friends' parents ask of them, even if it is something different to what we do at home - that's just basic politeness. I'd be very unimpressed if they refused and argued back about something!

DS2 is 5 in a couple of weeks and he always, always washes his hands after using the loo.

And I bet he will try not to at school and at friends' houses.

And I bet he will try not to at school and at friends' houses

In which case he should be reminded by teachers /other parents as the OP correctly did here and for some reason got a hard time for. Plus I think the always, always washes his hands covered that he probably would do it anyway unlike some other mucky kids/adults.

Of course he should be washing his hands and he needs to learn that it is definitely unacceptable at other peoples houses.

Of course he should be washing his hands and he needs to learn that it is definitely unacceptable at other peoples houses.

Of course he should be washing his hands and he needs to learn that it is definitely unacceptable at other peoples houses.

And I bet he will try not to at school and at friends' houses

Don't judge other 5 year olds based on your low standards.

A 5 year old is more than old enough to know the importance of flushing/washing at home and elsewhere.

I'll assume you have failed to instil this behaviour with yours?

I was never taught to wash my hands after a wee by my parents. Poo yes, but never a wee. I do now as an adult though. Not flushing is really disgusting though.