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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just feeling so fucking forgotten

82 replies

IHaveCausedConfusionAndDelay · 10/07/2017 18:51

Sorry this is a self pitying whinge.

I moved to this area two years ago for dh's work. I knew no one at all and family hundreds of miles away. I'm quite shy and quiet but really made an effort to get to know people - went to play groups, joined a local women's group etc. Two years on I still do t really have any proper friends as such but lots of people chat and are friendly to me. At a birthday party a few weeks back one of the mums I know said she was arranging a night out and did I want to go. Told her I'd love to and she said she'd add me on WhatsApp group. Then at the weekend I see pics of them all on FB having a great time. Fair enough maybe I should have chased her up on it.

Today (again on fb) a new lady in the village put a post up saying she'd moved to the area was looking for toddler groups etc. I told her I have a 1 year old too and listed all the places and times of local groups. Then another one of the women from the village posted saying 'don't worry about going to groups, all the mums with 1 year olds come to mine on Wednesday mornings.' I have never been included in this and have organised loads of stuff for this woman's charity.

And now I'm sat in hospital. I'm severely anaemic and waiting for a blood transfusion. I've been here all day. Everyone else has come and gone. At 6pm some of the nurses finished their shift and turned the lights out. Now I'm sat in a waiting room on my own, crying.

I'm probably overreacting because I'm feeling poorly. I just feel like no one would even notice if I disappeared. I just want to go home.

OP posts:
hesterton · 10/07/2017 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crumbs1 · 10/07/2017 18:58

Did you not ask the nurse to leave the lights on? Did you not ask how long you were likely to have to wait? It sounds like you would benefit from an assertiveness course. Hope you're being sorted now.

Chocolatecake12 · 10/07/2017 19:01

Oh my goodness no need to be sorry for the self pity post. I'd feel the same too.
Firstly get yourself sorted at the hospital, have they said when your transfusion will be? If not go and find out.
You then have 2 choices, you could send the lady a cheeky message saying you didn't realise everyone met at hers on Wednesdays and would it be ok for you to come? Or you could sit and feel bitter about it.
It would be way out of my comfort zone to ask the lady to include me but I think I'd go for that option rather than the other.
I've been the new girl in town so I do know how hard it is to make new friends,

Original poster
IHaveCausedConfusionAndDelay · 10/07/2017 19:02

Yeah there's still people around. They're still making up my blood apparently. It's still light so don't actually need the lights on it just seemed like the fucking icing on the cake.

Gah, I hate feeling sorry for myself.

OP posts:
user1497480444 · 10/07/2017 19:03

do they even know you are there? I've been forgotten in waiting rooms all day more than once.

Original poster
IHaveCausedConfusionAndDelay · 10/07/2017 19:07

I don't know if I could quite bring myself to send a message to the Wednesday lady. They're all so lovely and wholesome and I'm sure they'd be mortified if they realised that I'd felt left out.

I think it gets to the point where I just have to admit I can't live here anymore. I have tried so fucking hard to make friends here. I'm a sahm (not through choice, ds1 has asd and wasn't coping) and I genuinely can't remember the last time I had a conversation with someone other than dh.

OP posts:
OhHolyFuck · 10/07/2017 19:10

Do you mind giving the area roughly where you are? I'm sure some mnetters would like to hang out with you
Hope you get seen soon though Flowers

NicolasFlamel · 10/07/2017 19:29

crumbs that's totally unhelpful.
Sad OP I just want to give you a hug! When you're out of hospital I would honestly drop a message to the lady doing the play date and see if you can go too. If it's not a good time or they're not friendly then you don't need to go again and nothing is lost.
It can be really tricky if you're naturally quite shy and it sounds like you haven't been feeling physically great either.

CheshireChat · 10/07/2017 20:15

But this is what MN is great for, you can feel as sorry for yourself as you like and you can at least have someone to whinge to.

Hope someone has turned the bloody lights back on for you Flowers.

Marmalady75 · 10/07/2017 20:31

I'd turn up at that woman's house on Wednesday and act daft. If anything is said then I'd say that I thought I was included in the invite given on Facebook. It'll take some courage in your part, but if you don't try you'll never find out if these people could end up being friends.

maisybobbins · 10/07/2017 20:32

How are you getting on OP? Hope transfusion is making you feel better.

If you don't feel like contacting Mrs Wednesday directly is there another Wednesday mum you could contact? You just need a little way in and then you will be fine. I honestly wouldn't give up on these people yet.

PinkyPudding · 10/07/2017 20:45

I totally understand how you feel. I've been trying to make friends in my village since my son was born and he's now 6 months old and I've gotten nowhere. I've put myself out there and asked for phone numbers at the baby group then tried to make plans but no one ever wants to meet up or gets back in touch. I've let it bother me so much that I've cried about it and felt really shit and rejected. It's just so hard when you're lonely and bored and you know other moms are meeting up and not including you. Sad
I don't have any advice, I just want you to know that you're not alone. Flowers

weasle · 10/07/2017 20:49

Poor you.
Anaemia can make you feel dreadful, I'm sure you'll feel more positive when better.
You may then feel up to inviting yourself to the Wednesday thing.

Original poster
IHaveCausedConfusionAndDelay · 10/07/2017 20:51

Thanks everyone. This is why I love MN sometimes. I'm currently hooked up and being filled up with nice iron rich blood.

I feel a bit silly already about the fact I started sobbing my heart out because a nurse turned some lights off. It's just hard sometimes - I have anxiety, really low self esteem and am very shy. It would just be nice if I could for once convince someone I'm worth spending time with.

I think I'm a hoot. Normally that is, not when I'm whinging about my inadequacies on the
internet or crying in waiting rooms.

OP posts:
youaredeluded · 10/07/2017 20:58

If your son has ASD, maybe they are not very tolerant and find him hard work? Not saying this is ok... but some people just can't cope with high needs kids.

Beelzebop · 10/07/2017 20:59

Definitely feel your pain OP. X

maisybobbins · 10/07/2017 21:02

Waaaahaha I bet you are a hoot OP, don't doubt it for a second!

Why don't you misery post on Facebook about transfusion, tell everyone you need cheering up and see who responds? Assuming you are Facebook friends with some Wednesday mums... If not just find them and friend them. Do it - nothing to lose!

QuiteLikely5 · 10/07/2017 21:03

Have you tried mummy social? Worth a look

Sushi123 · 10/07/2017 21:03

I want to hug you xx

BumWad · 10/07/2017 21:06

Where abouts are you op? Smile

BroomHandledMouser · 10/07/2017 21:06

Oh my love. I'd like to go out with you Smile

I hope you feel better soon xx

SafeToCross · 10/07/2017 21:08

As you moved for DH work, and became a SAHM for your child's needs, do have a serious chat with DH about how isolated you are feeling and how the two of you can address this - you do not come last in the family, your needs are important.

TheLegendOfBeans · 10/07/2017 21:08

Ah OP I feel you, I feel you. I'm feeling all at Sea myself right now.

We are allowed a "blurt" now and again. Seems you've had one overdue x

Flopjustwantscoffee · 10/07/2017 21:10

Anaemia always makes me feel really really down by itself, regardless of anything else going on. If it helps it took me until my son was three to find an in with other mums but I did manage it (slightly different circumstances though as I am very shy, and also moved to a country where I didn't speak the language very well, but hopefully you will get there faster!) Flowers

babybels · 10/07/2017 21:12

So sorry you are feeling rotten.
I think it is harder when you have a more difficult child. My eldest has ASD and ADHD so I know how lonely it can be at times as many parents don't know how to cope with your child or may blame you for their behaviour.
I've found the FB groups for parents such as the ADHD/ASD Community Support for Parents to be great to have a moan and seek some support.
If you are anywhere near me I'd love to meet you for a coffee!
Hope you feel better soon.