I want to trick my husband into having a baby.

[TippyTinkleTrousers]

Please read first I am not going to do this.

I just to say it. I need help. I'm currently sat in the doctors with a big fat waiting line.

We have two children and I got pregnant again because we were careless with contraception. In that we didn't even use any.

DH wanted me to have an abortion but I couldn't do it. I struggled with the idea of being pregnant but after my scan at 13 weeks he was so perfect and cute I really started to come round to the idea.

Then last weekend 14, nearly 15 weeks my I found out that my baby's heart has stopped.
I was induced in hospital and he was a tiny bit perfect little boy.

I'm so depressed. I can't eat or talk or do anything. I just drink and cry.

I want another baby and DH says there's absolutely no way of it happening.

And my stupid fucking irrational brain actually considered somehow tricking him.

I wont please read that I wont.

But fucking hell I feel so fucking depressed and bad I don't even want to breath.

Oh you've had a terrible time of it haven't you. No advice didn't want to read and run.

I'm so sorry

Please talk to your doctor about how you're feeling and consider calling the Samaritans or Cruse to discuss your bereavement.

I'm so so sorry Tippy. I didn't want to read and run - here to support you. Please feel free to PM me

Oh my I'm truly sorry

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how bad you are feeling right now. I don't think I can offer anything that will really help other than to say to please try and access any support aground you that you can and talk to dh about how you are feeling.
Is there a reason he's so against another baby?

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Right now you have a huge cocktail of hormones rushing around you mixed in with grief so it's not surprising that your jumping to try and think ahead but your grounded enough to realise that it's not a solution or at all ethical.
It sounds trite, but just focus on today. And repeat tomorrow etc. Allow yourself to mourn. Look after yourself and be kind to yourself.
I found a funeral helped immensely in similar circumstances, once the service was completed, I found a little bit of peace again.

Oh my god - please don't be hard on yourself. I am so sorry for your loss. Please tell your doctor how you feel

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please go talk to your GP about how you're feeling

Hi Tippy, I haven't been through something like this so my advice won't be great but I couldn't read and run I am so sorry about your beautiful little boy, I know it won't change how heartbroken you are but you have my support and hand to hold. As you already know, please don't trick your DH but I would suggest sitting him down and telling him exactly how you feel. Awful times like these can show you what people and relationships are really like, and if he is unkind or rude or mean when you talk about this it might be an idea to re-assess the relationship when you find your feet (although of course I hope he is compassionate and supportive and that none of that is necessary).

Losing someone you love is always so so hard, please reach out to real life family and friends, and mumsnet is here whenever you need it. It won't always feel this way I promise

What a miserable time for you. It's really sad that this has happened.

So sorry that this has happened to you. Be kind to yourself. 💐

He's been more than compassionate. He's been my rock.

He's the best husband in the world and I adore him.

But it hurts me so, so much that he won't have another baby with me.
I don't want to replace my little one. I just want a light at the end of the tunnel.
I've spoken to him about all of this.

But still the answer is a firm no.

He's 47 and doesn't want to be in his 60's with a teenager.

I'm 12 years younger than him.

Oh my god you poor thing at least you realise you can't do that. I just don't know what to say except massive empathy towards you x

You poor thing, OP. x

I'm so sorry OP.

YANBU. But you've been through something so sad and traumatic, don't make life decisions just now.

Take care of yourself and heal. Worry about bigger questions later.

It's good to you know that you can't do that. It wouldn't be fair on your husband.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through and it sounds like your having a really terrible, terrible time. I don't have any advice for you except stay strong for your two children, lean on your husband for support and be kind to yourself.

Right now you are very hormonal. You thought you were going to have another child and lost it- it's entirely reasonable to feel what you are feeling right now.

Is there anyone you can talk too?

You need to give yourself time. Quite a lot of time. It's likely some of your feelings are so strong due to the fact you've only just lost your baby. It will always hurt, but in time you will be able to concentrate on other things and feel like you can breathe again.

Don't rush yourself. Just give yourself some time to heal.

Wanting another child is a separate issue from losing your baby. It's hard for you to think about such a big thing when you're going through such a traumatic event.

Just rest, and please try and eat and stay hydrated, even if you don't feel able. You need to make you stay physically healthy at least, for your own sake.

oh Tippy I was on your other thread. I'm so sorry.

I remember that feeling of just needing to get pregnant again after my losses. It's very intense. Could you maybe say to DH that you'd like to give it a few months and see if this feeling goes away and if it doesn't could you try again?

In the meantime could you ask your gp to refer you for a few counselling sessions. I found them so helpful. Please be kind to yourselves this is all very raw for both of you.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss OP, and the way you feel is completely understandable, I'm sure it will take a long time to process what a roller-coaster of emotions you have been through over the past few months . It's great that your DH has been so good during this time, I don't think there is much else to say apart from keeping the lines of communication open between you

You are very upset right now, perhaps the wish for another child will fade when you can cope better.

Tell your husband that from now on, he is to use condoms. That way, you don't get tempted to try anything. (... and also, he has no right to tell you to have an abortion when he didn't use contraception.)

So very sorry. You have been on the proverbial emotional rollercoaster and it is no wonder that you are shaken up.

be kind to yourself, your husband and your children. Please also ask the GP for help with your mental health.

and please...whatever you and your husband decide to do long-term, you have to use contraception so please discuss with him.

Oh god, you poor soul, I'm so sorry. The fact that you wanted to trick him is a measure of the emotional rollercoaster you're on. You know not to do it so don't guilt yourself about the feeling. You're not stupid. You're going through massive grief.

Hold on. Try to eat and drink. One foot in front of the other. It won't always be like this.

I feel so sorry for you.
It happened to me nearly twenty years ago, when I was 24 weeks pregnant. I had two sons already and lost a daughter.
You were expecting to have a baby and to suddenly have it taken away is the worst feeling and you can't ever imagine being normal again. To leave hospital with nothing but a pack of information is just terrible.
The part you mentioned about light at the end of the tunnel is very true. I can't imagine how I would have coped if we hadn't had another baby, we had another boy just over a year later.
I did talk to the Samaritans several times when it got too overwhelming and they were very helpful. I also had counselling for about twelve months and it helped me come to terms with what happened. You never forget but you just learn to live with it xx

I know it wouldn't be fair on my husband.

But I feel as though he's being unfair on me. Really unfair.

I think you are doing the right thing by going to see the doctor. You need to have the opportunity to grieve and cope with your loss. Your overwhelming need to get pregnant again is driven by your trauma (I'm speaking from experience). Another baby won't 'fix' you though. Neither of you are being unfair or unreasonable. I hope you get the help you need. I'm so sorry for your loss.

You have had a horrible experience and need to give yourself time to recover your balance so you can move forward. You could contact the miscarriage association for support or find a counsellor to help you through this.