I want to trick my husband into having a baby.

[TippyTinkleTrousers]

Please read first I am not going to do this.

I just to say it. I need help. I'm currently sat in the doctors with a big fat waiting line.

We have two children and I got pregnant again because we were careless with contraception. In that we didn't even use any.

DH wanted me to have an abortion but I couldn't do it. I struggled with the idea of being pregnant but after my scan at 13 weeks he was so perfect and cute I really started to come round to the idea.

Then last weekend 14, nearly 15 weeks my I found out that my baby's heart has stopped.
I was induced in hospital and he was a tiny bit perfect little boy.

I'm so depressed. I can't eat or talk or do anything. I just drink and cry.

I want another baby and DH says there's absolutely no way of it happening.

And my stupid fucking irrational brain actually considered somehow tricking him.

I wont please read that I wont.

But fucking hell I feel so fucking depressed and bad I don't even want to breath.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had miscarriages and they are just awful. You'll always have him in your heart. Definitely arrange a funeral so you can say good bye.

If you are 35 - there's still time for you to have a baby with someone else. It's not what you want to hear but if you really need to have one and he doesn't then it is still possible. I hope it doesn't come to that for you guys.

I don't think you are manipulating him at all. Your dh needs to decide what matters to him most, never having another child or his wife's mental health and well being.

I would never ever dream of leaving him or ever having a baby with another person.
He's part of my heart and soul and I could procreate with another person.

I just spoke to my mum who said she will pay for me to see a counsellor ASAP rather than wait weeks or months for Health In Mind to get back to me.

She then said perhaps DH and I need to have counselling together to get over the issue mentioned above.

But one step at a time and all that bollocks.

I've stopped crying now at least.
Until tomorrow anyway.

I might end up posting again because I'm really needing to talk this out and I'm finding your replies incredibly helpful.

Hope you get some sleep tonight.
The pain does get easier.

OP I've had counselling through SANDS so might be worth checking their local-to-you website to see if it's offered near you.

Oh tippy

Please be kind to yourself. It will take time before you feel you are in a place that you can live with the pain and form a new normal.

Even if your DH was wanting to try again you'd be experiencing this desperation and the waves of grief that hit you. I'm so glad you're going to get some counselling, it really does help. I agree some counselling together might be helpful too. Even if DH doesn't change his mind it may just open his eyes to how you're feeling and that you don't want to blackmail him at all, you are grieving.

Is it possible that DH is scared this will happen again? Dads are often forgotten about with miscarriage/pregnancy loss. Yes ultimately it is us that have to go through the physical pain and we have to deal with the hormones but they have to stand by and watch. They often feel completely helpless and guilty.

Pregnancy following a loss is just awful for both parties. Pregnancy loses its innocence. perhaps he's words how you will both cope?

This is so raw for both of you. Please be kind to yourselves

*worried how you will cope not words sorry

After my MC the doctors recommended I wait a certain amount of time before trying again ( I think the recommendation is for as long as the pregnancy lasted)
And I wanted to disregard that and try for a baby immediately. My husband (rightly) said no. He was concerned about my health, I was his priority. I couldn't have given a toss about my health, I wanted a baby.

Maybe your husband is putting what's best for your health first when he says no??

You don't need to wait, though if you've had a period it makes dating a new pg much easier. And you may benefit from being off the ttc-rollercoaster for a while. But this doesn't really apply to the OP's scenario does it?

How are you doing my lovely?