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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at how much life's changed for our family this year?

80 replies

Nicpem1982 · 10/07/2017 10:59

i can't believe how much everything's changed this year for our family.

I've looked at an old thread this morning that I posted about Christmas, and I can't believe how everything has changed

My sil died unexpectedly this year and this seems to have acted as a trigger for my bil to want to spend time with us, and although my bil has his moments and can be a bit awkward at times we're working now on building a strong relationship with him and our Dn, where previously the relationship was awful and they'd been nc with pil for a long time and virtually nc with us

We've gone from only seeing them on birthdays and Christmas to now seeing them regularly, dns behaviour has done a u turn and although she needs some support she's becoming easier to deal with and dn and dd are getting on great, I'm really looking forward to the summer holidays as we've got 15 sleep overs booked in with her and loads of really fun things planned (we all did a summer bucket list and mils yesterday) think - picnics, outdoor cinema night and family sports day

We've also just booked our first family holiday for next year and Christmas has been arranged too

I'm feeling really positive at the direction we are going at the min but shocked that everything has changed so fast

OP posts:
thefutureisfemale · 10/07/2017 11:14

Big hugs xx

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/07/2017 11:22

Thank you 😊

Just shocked me when I read the old thread all of the drama that we had 6 months ago

OP posts:
ticketytock1 · 10/07/2017 11:27

Glad to hear all is going well.. You deserve it Flowers

Brittbugs80 · 10/07/2017 11:28

A death in the family does funny things to people, good and bad. Sorry for the loss of your SIL.

I hope you all carry on getting close and building a wonderful bond.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/07/2017 11:35

Brit to be honest me and sil weren't close I was devestated for bil and dn and the impact on them iyswim, but thank you x

Tickety - thank you, dn is doing well and after nc for a huge part of her life she seems to be finding her fit in the family and isn't acting out in the way she was she seems to be benefiting from some structure and boundaries and seems comfortable at ours and is happy just being here

OP posts:
thefutureisfemale · 10/07/2017 11:37

You deserve to have a happy close family. Hope DN is ok. Well done on being so accommodating to your DB and being a great sister and aunt.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/07/2017 11:44

It's my dhs db so my bil.

He works full time and struggles with childcare in the holidays so I've saved half of my annual leave to help out where ils are on hols.

He's family regardless of the fact that he can be an absolute twat we still can't let him sink

OP posts:
thefutureisfemale · 10/07/2017 11:47

You deserve to have a happy close family. Hope DN is ok. Well done on being so accommodating to your DB and being a great sister and aunt.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/07/2017 13:12

Thank you x

OP posts:
Northend77 · 10/07/2017 13:13

That was lovely to read (not the difficulties and losses your family has suffered but the positives that have come from them). I also love the idea of a Summer Holidays bucket list - one for me to keep in mind when mine are at school. I hope the family bonds continue to strengthen for you all

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/07/2017 13:21

North - thank you it's the first time we have done a bucket list but dn gets a little anxious when bil works away for a few nights so we thought that if we gave her loads of things to look forward to it'd make it easier for her there's something big stuff :

Trip to london to go in the tower and see a beefeater

Visit a waterpark

But also some small stuff

Ambush grandad with nerf guns

Have a big water fight

So I think it'll be nice and it's all doable

OP posts:
Northend77 · 10/07/2017 14:25

It's definitely a great idea! I'm hoping that it will be a good way to avoid my twins bickering too much when the holidays hit!!

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/07/2017 14:38

Should be a good way hopefully 😂 If not six weeks is a loooonnnngggg time

OP posts:
QuestionOnInjections · 10/07/2017 14:44

This thread doesn't seem very nice to me actually.

Just sounds like your bigging youself up a bit following your sil's death, and calling your bil a twat is nasty..... Wonder why they were virtually nc. There are 2 sides to every story after all. Glad your sil's death has improved your life.

teaandtoast · 10/07/2017 14:47

I'd see it more that bil is taking advantage of you.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/07/2017 14:52

Question- that's not what I'm doing at all. Wow aren't you nice

My sils death could have broken our family apart as it was a difficult time for everyone especially my bil and dn, the way the relationship was at that point he could have easily have pulled away and we could have lost them all.

Reflecting how much our family has changed doesn't mean that I'm bigging myself up and saying my life has improved following my sils death

Am I pleased that my soon to be 5 year old niece has a family where she's comfortable and happy who can support her - god yeah

And as for my bil being a twat he really is and he knows it 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/07/2017 14:54

Tea- bil has some days where he's booked off work and he's taking my dd and dn out so we've got down time, she won't stay over night yet

OP posts:
peachgreen · 10/07/2017 14:58

I see where Question is coming from. It's great that you're building a better relationship with your BIL and DN but this thread essentially reads like "it's amazing how much better our lives are now SIL is dead". I'm sure as welcome as you make her feel, DN would rather have her mum back.

Maybe you just worded it badly.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/07/2017 15:00

Peach - I don't doubt that for a second no child should lose their mum like dn

OP posts:
MargaretCavendish · 10/07/2017 15:08

If you'd died perhaps your husband could have become closer to BIL and SIL and your children could be having a fun time with their auntie? Wouldn't that be lovely?

If that seems offensive, then perhaps you can see why some people find your thread distasteful.

SusanMitchell · 10/07/2017 15:12

Jesus! I didn't read this negatively at all! What strange minds some people have.

OP - I'm sorry for your loss but glad that your family is pulling together after your bereavement.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/07/2017 15:14

Margret - I'd like to think that if I had died instead that my sil and bil would have made an effort with my dd yes.

It doesn't offend me that you've posted that's as that's not what this thread is about.

If people are finding this distasteful then that's because they're misunderstanding what the op is about.

It's been a difficult few months for my family and I finally feel as though we've got into a pattern as one family unit but when I thought about it I didn't think that this unit would look like it does now or that things would have moved to this point so quickly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/07/2017 15:18

Susan - thank you

OP posts:
DonutCone · 10/07/2017 15:27

I honestly think this thread is awful.

It's like 'Yeah SIL kicked the bucket, but everything is going so much better for every else since, so you know, whatever'

Really, really poor taste.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/07/2017 15:28

Donut see my previous post

OP posts:
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