To be shocked at how much life's changed for our family this year?

[Nicpem1982]

i can't believe how much everything's changed this year for our family.

I've looked at an old thread this morning that I posted about Christmas, and I can't believe how everything has changed

My sil died unexpectedly this year and this seems to have acted as a trigger for my bil to want to spend time with us, and although my bil has his moments and can be a bit awkward at times we're working now on building a strong relationship with him and our Dn, where previously the relationship was awful and they'd been nc with pil for a long time and virtually nc with us

We've gone from only seeing them on birthdays and Christmas to now seeing them regularly, dns behaviour has done a u turn and although she needs some support she's becoming easier to deal with and dn and dd are getting on great, I'm really looking forward to the summer holidays as we've got 15 sleep overs booked in with her and loads of really fun things planned (we all did a summer bucket list and mils yesterday) think - picnics, outdoor cinema night and family sports day

We've also just booked our first family holiday for next year and Christmas has been arranged too

I'm feeling really positive at the direction we are going at the min but shocked that everything has changed so fast

Nicpem people are reacting because it is crystal clear you didn't like your (now deceased) SIL.

She was clearly troubled if she committed suicide, and troubled people are often not nice. And small DC react to their environment and so probably being in the care of a deeply troubled mother was shown in her behaviour.

But you really aren't coming across as being sorry that your SIL died and your DN now has no mother. Which is pretty hard to read.

I think this thread was ill-judged and you should reflect on your feelings around your SIL, tbh. If you're going to play a big part in the little girl's future & upbringing you need to let go of resentment towards her and try to speak kindly of her - you may need counselling to achieve this.

Not start a thread on a public forum which puts a positive spin on her sil's death.
Not make herself into some martyr over saving up her annual leave (Surely she would have been off to look after her child anyway?).
Not talk about "bucket lists" in front of recently bereaved people.
Not talk as if the grieving process is nearly over.

I hope this thread gets pulled, I really do.

It's interesting how quirks in posting style make it so obvious when people are posting on the same thread under two different names, isn't it?

But you DID mention SIL's death in your OP.

I just think you need to be careful the way you speak about your SIL because whether you liked her or not, she was your DN's mum and always will be. Don't let your resentment poison her memories of her mum - it's not fair. And don't let her think that you view her mum's death as the catalyst for everything in your life getting better. That's what's coming across in this post and it's unkind.

Who do you mean @peachgreen?