To be shocked at how much life's changed for our family this year?

[Nicpem1982]

i can't believe how much everything's changed this year for our family.

I've looked at an old thread this morning that I posted about Christmas, and I can't believe how everything has changed

My sil died unexpectedly this year and this seems to have acted as a trigger for my bil to want to spend time with us, and although my bil has his moments and can be a bit awkward at times we're working now on building a strong relationship with him and our Dn, where previously the relationship was awful and they'd been nc with pil for a long time and virtually nc with us

We've gone from only seeing them on birthdays and Christmas to now seeing them regularly, dns behaviour has done a u turn and although she needs some support she's becoming easier to deal with and dn and dd are getting on great, I'm really looking forward to the summer holidays as we've got 15 sleep overs booked in with her and loads of really fun things planned (we all did a summer bucket list and mils yesterday) think - picnics, outdoor cinema night and family sports day

We've also just booked our first family holiday for next year and Christmas has been arranged too

I'm feeling really positive at the direction we are going at the min but shocked that everything has changed so fast

Peaches - it's really not.

See I actually do recall that thread but I'm afraid it really doesn't change my view that this one is in poor taste. You had a difficult relationship with the ILs, not very unusual at all really, different people, parenting styles, whatever. People were hardly hanging for an update. The tone of this is still SIL died, family relationships are so much better, lots to look forward to .

That's really not the intention save but you're obviously entitled to that view

To be honest, the backstory makes it worse. You obviously really disliked your SiL, but hey ho, she's died. So now you get to have lovely sleepovers and, thanks to you, DN is behaving properly.

Someone who knew your SiL is going to recognise this. Ask for it to be taken down if you have even a shred of decency.

Tinkly is that unicorn I see?

Tinkly - I have more than a shred of decency its posters on here who have misunderstood a post despite many explainations

I have asked for this thread to be pulled simply because it is being used as a platform for people to be vile

Yes, OP. You.

And that, reading her thread 6 months ago, she would never have though such a traumatic event could have been FOLLOWED by some positives stuff as well (NOT that the death of her SIL was the CAUSE of the happy event iyswim).

I think there's some misunderstanding of the timescales here. If the Christmas thread had been about the aftermath of SIL's death then this would be ok: it would be a post about 'I thought we'd never get through bereavement but six months on we're starting to feel more positive as a family'. But the Christmas thread wasn't about SIL's death - it was about the problems SIL being alive caused. As the thread she just linked to proved, SIL was still alive in February. So this really is comparing the dreadfulness of her being alive with how brilliant it is now she's dead.

Presumably the Christmas thread is this one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/Christmas/2807644-presents-received-massively-under-budget-wwud?msgid=66884564#66884564 (linked to in the thread you posted just now).

OMG the woman only got her DD a book for Christmas?! Is it any wonder everyone is so much happier now she's dead?

Nicpem, you are doing a wonderful thing for your BIL and niece. Ignore the negativity. The most important thing is your niece and how she is coping. Thanks to you in part, she is now part of a loving extended family and has lots of things to look forward to. The death of a parent is very traumatic and life changing but you have helped bring stability to a very sad little girl. I applaud your kindness and compassion. It can't be easy for you.💐

@nicperm1982 you clearly were not gloating about your SILs death at all. I'm sorry some people think because you're not half dead with grief over someone you didn't get along with means that you shouldn't be happy about the improvements with your family relationships.

Thank you both.

A woman is dead, and her SIL who clearly loathed her and has complained about her for many months is posting a thread about how much happier and more well-behaved her daughter is. And you think that demonstrates kindness and compassion?!

@peachgreen should OP just ignore her DB and DN then? Would that be a better solution for you? Get real

No reason for OP to ignore her family but this is a thread on AIBU where she tells us of her surprise at the changes in family life, tells us the catalyst for the change (SILs death) and then goes on to list all the improvements and how great everything is. Including how her DNS behaviour has apparently improved. She may not have intended it to come across that way but whatever she did mean certainly isn't communicated by the actual words she typed!

@thefutureisfemale Of course not. But she also shouldn't be delightedly cooing about how much better everything is now. I think saying that a child is better-behaved after a parent's death is incredibly callous.

Peach- my dn went through a difficult period after she lost her mum as on the day her mom died mummy kissed her goodbye at the school gate then she never saw her again, so yeah she went though a difficult period behaviour wise which seems to now calming down as we as a family have her in a routine with consistent boundaries.

Prior to my sils death my dn was a handful but she was 4 and that's what children do.

I'm not suggesting that I've waved a magic wand and "corrected" her behaviour but she's began with support to process her emotions around the loss of her mum and as a result her challenging behaviour has pretty much stopped

OP, was this the SIL who committed suicide? Apologies if I've confused you with another poster.

Emmy - yes in march

And yet you referred us to an old thread in which you bemoan your DN's behaviour while her mum was still alive. You're backtracking because you know this post was ill thought out and mean-spirited. I don't doubt you're doing your best for your DN but you need to let go of the resentment you carry for her mum.

Bloody Hell! I have just read your last post, and I feel sick

I feel sick because you have absolutely no clue about anything!
I lost a parent to suicide in my late 20s and life will never be the same again.

This is months after the event and your speaking about it as if all the grief is over and done with. I would hate to think what you have been saying to your bil. Be very careful because you really, really lack empathy judging by your posts.

Not that it's your business but nothing is what I've said to my bil.

Peaches- like I said at the beginning my sils death had no bearing on the op so why would I put it in

SIL being dead/having killed her self doesn't mean OP has to like her or be kind about her apart to SILs family- which she is doing. I mean?? What do you want OP to do? Grieve?

Time changes everything.

Since my sisters wedding a couple of years ago
11 realtionships have ended and 5 people have died... Its shocking and so sad and makes you think about how precious life is