To think DH could have at least managed a salad?

[homefromthespa]

A few hours ago, I came back from my first weekend away in about 11 years. I don't say that to sound like a martyr, it's totally my fault for not getting round to it. Anyway, the eldest DS (14) is on a school trip abroad, so DH has had DD (12), DD (10) and DS (8) since Friday and he came home early that day to collect them from school. He had to take DS to Heathrow on Sat morning (with all the other DC in tow) and various birthday parties etc - all of which I wrote down for him. I also got shopping in.

Well the place is a mess in every room, which is irritating but not the end of the world. However, AIBU to think that he could have at least rustled up something for dinner? I cook for him every night and I've just had a 5 hour drive due to horrendous traffic. Even just a salad or order in? I would never expect him to come in from anywhere and start thinking about dinner for everyone?

Plus the cards and gifts I left (wrapped) in the car for the birthday kids, he says he forgot to give out. , even though I wrote this down.

Now he will just go on the computer to do "work", no doubt. He's in a very good mood and says they've all had a great time, so should I just let it go or feel annoyed?

I'd tell him to get cooking. He probably just hasn't thought (though you'll get a lot of people telling you he's a knob probably) but I'd definitely tell him to get on with it.

Order yourself something delish, pour a and keep the weekend away vibe alive!

Just order a pizza or something!

Pour yourself a glass of wine and ask him what he's prepared for dinner, then sit down and don't budge.

I wonder how this post would have gone down if a man had written it.

"I just came back from a lads weekend. My wife was home with the kids. Should I be pissed off that she didn't have dinner on the table upon my arrival home and the house was a tip?"

Get a grip OP. He maybe just forgot. If your hungry order a take away.

The birthday present thing is so annoying! Idiot.

(The food is too, but I guess it depends on the dynamics in your relationship...if he's used to being waited on hand and foot it wouldn't occur to him. It wouldn't have happened in my household).

I can't tell from the OP - did you go away for leisure, or to work (or care for relatives, or anything else distinctly not fun)? I think that makes a difference.

Well I did them pasta and tuna. I would have ordered in tbh, but the kids all argue about what they want and it does my head in.

It is just that he doesn't think, yes. But he would huff and puff if it was the other way round, so why does the expectation not work both ways? It's not the end of the world, just annoying.

My dh does this any time I go anywhere. Next time, I plan to get a takeaway on the way home and not start a row about it when I get in like usual. You can't get round these kind of people, they just don't think the same way.

Take away and wine,feet up,Poldark.

I knid of agree with rhubarb

It would have been nice for him to make dinner, just as it'd be nice for you to do it if he'd gone away. But it's not a requirement.

TBF I'd have probably text him an hour away and asked him to order a takeaway or chuck something in the oven.

The mess would annoy me though. I'm pretty untidy but my dh works away and I always make sure it's tidy for when he come home (even if it ends up a mess soon after) I also tidy before going away as I hate coming back to mess.

The birthday party presents would have annoyed me too.

Why does it make a difference marg? A 5 hour heavy traffic car journey is never fun regardless of where you've driven from.

This is the first time he's had the kids for more than a day and it was only 3 out of 4 of them. He was fine about doing it, but then as soon as I walk in he just switches off. They now need showers etc. No laundry done for school either. I didn't ask him to do it to be fair, but it's a bit obvious really.

It's not so much not making the OP dinner that's the issue, it's that he didn't bother to make his own DC any food because he know wifey would be back soon.

Not doing the washing would majorly piss me off.

You need to go away regularly OP then he will get the idea.

He's probably in a good mood because you're back to do wife work.

My DH needs to be reminded to do the laundry while I'm away.

I know exactly where you're coming from OP.

If your DH had gone away for the weekend, not only would you have done the Heathrow drop off and the party runs, you would have remembered the presents, done all the laundry, kept the house in a reasonable state and have prepared a meal ready for all the family to eat together when he got back on Sunday evening.

He only managed two of those things and he had to have actual written instructions to even remember. Yet you're supposed to be grateful that you managed a weekend away on your own for the first time in 11 years and he was willing to look after 75% of his own children.

I sometimes have this argument if I go out for the evening and leave DH with our three. I come home and, sure, they're asleep and fed, but the house is always a complete shit hole.

It's never like that when he goes out for an evening. If I can manage to feed, bathe and put to bed three children on my own without the house deteriorating into a slum, why can't he? There's no excuse.

I've said to him in the past that it feels passive aggressive. Like he's 'punishing' me for going out. Because when I come back to a tip at 11pm and have to spend an hour sorting it all out before I can go to bed, it makes me not want to bother going out.

I don't believe he is being deliberately passive aggressive, he's just a lazy bugger. But it does feel like a 'fuck you, I'm not making it that easy for you'.

The more I type, the more wound up I'm getting!

Because I think whether or not Rhubard has a point depends on this. If I'd gone away with work and my husband hadn't made dinner when I got in I'd be upset, but if I'd been off on a jolly I wouldn't. We don't have children but he's a teacher and he tends to have what he calls 'mega work weekends' if I'm not there - so it would feel off if I came back from a fun thing and expected him to do it when he'd been working? I don't know but from what I've read here looking after three kids (even halfheartedly!) is not a relaxing weekend...

They've had a whale of a time which is lovely in a way. But no homework done whatsoever. All towels in the back garden filthy. Pizza boxes on the living room floor, even though normally he is quite strict about everyone eating at the table as a family.

Actually, ignore me, I've changed my mind. I've realised the crucial thing with me and DH is that a) we normally share the cooking and b) he takes over 'my night' when I've got work to do regularly. I can see how if that weren't the case I'd feel differently so I withdraw my comments as irrelevant here!

Have you told him that you are not the family 'assistant'?

I don't understand how a man could have a wife and 4 children yet not have a clue as to how to do basic house duties.

I'd honestly divorce a man like that.

He is away a lot with hobbies and /or work. He never cooks really, except BBQs, but I just feel he could have sorted it this one time I've been away. I never let him come in to a massive mess.

I think on balance I would let it go. You've had a good weekend (presumably), they've had a good weekend. No one feels like cooking - get takeaway and enjoy catching up. The birthday present stuff was ridiculous of him but next time just don't take ownership and he'll either step up or he won't, but you won't feel annoyed about the effort you went to.

Oh sorry, crossed posts that's slightly different if he's often away. Dh and I basically never go away so whichever one of us was home alone it would have been novel and normal routines probably would have slid