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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? We had plans, now friend is flying to a diff city?

42 replies

Chocolatteandbiscuits · 07/07/2017 16:18

Do you think I'm being unreasonable to be annoyed?

2 weeks ago I organised so see a supposed friend this weekend. We just said the weekend no specific day or time. Obviously I have to plan in advance as I have a LB. She text yesterday saying can you do Sunday afternoon, I said no sorry but I can do anytime Saturday or Sunday morning. Thinking she should be free at least a hour or 2 one of the days considering we had arranged it. She text me back today going sorry I can't now I've just booked a last min flight to Glasgow I leave tomorrow morning and don't come back until sun night. Are you free any other time? Like I can just be available anytime.

Then I went on social media and she posted a pic saying "I love last min plans with the girls for a catch up". Well thanks for just disregarding me and our plans. I feel like I've had enough with her and various other so called friends. Don't why I bother. Probably because I feel lonely. Do you think it's normal to be annoyed at her?

OP posts:
JigglyTuff · 07/07/2017 16:20

I don't know what an LB is but that is incredibly rude. She isn't your friend, sorry :(

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 07/07/2017 16:26

Well on this alone I don't think she was unreasonable at all! She booked a trip and made sure there was still time at the weekend to see you. You can't complain that she didn't keep the whole weekend free when you didn't either! You both have conflicting plans. It's no ones fault just one of those things.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 07/07/2017 16:28

She is being extremely rude.

I hope you can cancel without incurring any costs.

AnnetteCurtains · 07/07/2017 16:29

Little baby I think Jiggly

TheMysteriousJackelope · 07/07/2017 16:31

BuggerLumps
If someone is travelling to a different city for the weekend it is reasonable to assume they are going to be travelling home again on Sunday afternoon. Also if someone is travelling to that city specifically to see the friend, why would the friend immediately jet off to a completely different city for 75% of the time at the last minute?

Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 07/07/2017 16:33

Sorry i meant Little boy.

Bugger she asked to see me sunday afternoon. She now is away tomorrow morning until sunday evening so there is no time at all to see each other over the weekend. Whereas there would have been if she had not undermined plans and booked this get away with her other friends. She knows i have a child and i cant just drop plans that easily.

themysterious yes thankfully i have not incurred any fees.

We used to be incredibly close but now i get the sense she doesnt want to know anymore.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 07/07/2017 16:37

Why can't you do Sunday afternoon?

AsleepAtMyDesk · 07/07/2017 16:47

YABVU
She did try to see you but you were not available.
Just because you have DC does not mean she has to keep all her weekend free just to make sure she can fit in around you.

Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 07/07/2017 16:49

bert im having lunch with another friend. I dont think id be so annoyed at the situation if she had said oh sorry i already have other plans on the saturday. Its more the fact that we were arranging a day/time and then all of a sudden she booked a last min flight which went over the whole weekend. Just felt like a bit of a slap in the face

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 07/07/2017 16:51

asleep i dont expect her to keep her entire weekend free for me. Thats why we were discussing day/times. I don't feel like it even matters if we had agreed a day and time anyway as she was clearly in takes about booking a last min flight with her other friends.

OP posts:
DailyMailReadersAreThick · 07/07/2017 16:52

I don't think she was unreasonable at all. Confused You didn't give her a time, she proposed one, you said no, she made other plans.

Look at this from her perspective - it doesn't seem that you were that bothered about meeting up with her.

And this made you sound like a bit of a tit: Are you free any other time? Like I can just be available anytime. She asks you for alternative dates and you act like you've got the diary of Theresa May.

To use the MN classic, you sound like hard work.

Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 07/07/2017 16:52

*talks

OP posts:
SwedishEdith · 07/07/2017 16:55

The problem is the way she's told you. If she'd said, "Hi, sorry, but I've just got a last minute offer of a trip to X. I know we'd agreed to meet up this weekend so I'm really sorry this is going to mess that up. I still really want to see you - is Sunday pm OK? I know it's not great, sorry" I don't think you'd be feeling this shit.

Of course she can make other plans. But she can also be a bit thoughtful as well.

Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 07/07/2017 16:58

dailymail previous to this arrangement i had messaged her first saying we need to catch up. She asked when i was free i said the tuesday night. She said yes, then she said no. Then i said the weekend, she said yes. Bringing us to yesterday/today. I feel like i havent been hardwork, ive tried arranging to see her.
I am usually a people pleaser and panda to other people. Im just getting very sick of people cancelling on me ALL the time.

OP posts:
oldtrees · 07/07/2017 17:00

Chocolatteandbiscuits I've seen LB on other sites but it's DS on Mumsnet (Dear Son)

I was going to link you to the Mumsnet Acronyms page but it's gone!

Anyone know where it is these days? MNHQ haven't done away with it entirely have they? Shock

Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 07/07/2017 17:01

swedish yes you've hit the nail on the head! It's the way she broke it to me. Because when i went on the social media, she had posted this post before she had told me. I know i saw it after she told me, but she had no thought to tell me first. I don't think id have been as annoyed if she said sorry i know we had plans but i've been asked to go away. I didnt get a sorry and the text just felt a bit like oh well it doesnt matter.

OP posts:
DailyMailReadersAreThick · 07/07/2017 17:03

Chocolatteandbiscuits That additional information doesn't change anything for me. You offered a vague date (the weekend), she offered a specific time, you said no. IMO she was free to make other plans without being rude.

bigchris · 07/07/2017 17:04

Well did you have to have lunch with another friend the same day ?!,

I'd choose a whole weekendend with other friends rather than a squashed in few hours around your other arrangements to be honest

ittakes2 · 07/07/2017 17:05

I'm confused - you arranged to see her over a weekend and then you booked lunch on Sunday afternoon with another friend and you think she is not being flexible enough? She's the one traveling and catching up with people. I'm sorry I think it's you who is not being flexible enough. You were asking her to be flexible for the lunch you booked with another friend not because of your little boy. Besides, I don't get why having a little boy restricts you seeing her. Is there a reason why you can not take him with you?

Nikephorus · 07/07/2017 17:06

Don't forget though that if she'd not been doing this last minute trip & had texted you to suggest Sunday lunch & afternoon you'd have been the one saying you'd now got other plans. You've not kept the whole weekend free for her either. So it's 6 of one, half a dozen of the other.

Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 07/07/2017 17:10

What swedish said above explains how im feeling

OP posts:
StormTreader · 07/07/2017 17:12

"Don't forget though that if she'd not been doing this last minute trip & had texted you to suggest Sunday lunch & afternoon you'd have been the one saying you'd now got other plans. You've not kept the whole weekend free for her either. So it's 6 of one, half a dozen of the other."

Yup, this, sorry. You didnt check whether booking sunday lunch was ok with her before you did it, you both made additional plans without checking, youre just annoyed that they clashed.

Spookle · 07/07/2017 17:12

If it was decided two weeks ago for you to get together this weekend why was she chasing you up yesterday to find out when you were arriving? You said you like to plan in advance but having not decided by yesterday maybe she thought you weren't going to come at all.

Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 07/07/2017 17:17

maybe IABU then

OP posts:
Atenco · 07/07/2017 17:17

I also think you are expecting too much of your friend. It sounds like the last minute trip was a special opportunity. Why should she turn it down for a vague couple of hours with you? Surely you can see each other any time?