My head doesn't feel clear today, I'm very desperate, I'm disabled and running out of money at a rate of knots. Was ticking along ok hoping against hope I'd be ok with part time work and topping up with disability element of working tax credit. But Universal credit has been introduced to my area so I can't get WTC.
I don't have enough money. I don't have skills to allow me to earn more money. I can't hold down a full time job due to my health. My executive function, concentration etc is abysmal, as I am not neurotypical and regular panic attacks fuck with my concentration also.
Ideally I'd work outdoors doing something physical that doesn't require high levels of meticulous organisation, but my physical health doesn't allow that, certainly not more than a couple of days a week and then I couldn't be sure what days I'll be ok and what days I won't be ok as my condition fluctuates.
Sex work feels suitable from the point of view that it is physical (ie no deadlines of having to write reports, or transcribe documents that sort of thing) and in relatively short bursts.
Really really hate the idea of it as I don't think it would be good for mental health, and worried my dodgy hip might dislocate. I am terrified though. If I have absolutely zero money, and no access to any - like thousands of other women - what if I have no choice? What if it's that or not pay bills, get into arrears with rent, and then be taken to court or end up sleeping on the pavement or in a park??? I couldn't survive that, on a most basic level I need to keep my medication in a fridge. My council have warned me if I get into arrears with rent that would disqualify me from any help from them regarding homelessness.
What can I do instead? What do I do? I need a way out and I cannot think of anything.
Please if you have any ideas can you share? I'm so worried, and aware that being so worried means I'm not thinking straight.