To be scared of sex work as can't get WTC and worried my hip might dislocate? What can I do instead? Please help

[LetMeOutOfTheNightmare]

My head doesn't feel clear today, I'm very desperate, I'm disabled and running out of money at a rate of knots. Was ticking along ok hoping against hope I'd be ok with part time work and topping up with disability element of working tax credit. But Universal credit has been introduced to my area so I can't get WTC.

I don't have enough money. I don't have skills to allow me to earn more money. I can't hold down a full time job due to my health. My executive function, concentration etc is abysmal, as I am not neurotypical and regular panic attacks fuck with my concentration also.

Ideally I'd work outdoors doing something physical that doesn't require high levels of meticulous organisation, but my physical health doesn't allow that, certainly not more than a couple of days a week and then I couldn't be sure what days I'll be ok and what days I won't be ok as my condition fluctuates.

Sex work feels suitable from the point of view that it is physical (ie no deadlines of having to write reports, or transcribe documents that sort of thing) and in relatively short bursts.

Really really hate the idea of it as I don't think it would be good for mental health, and worried my dodgy hip might dislocate. I am terrified though. If I have absolutely zero money, and no access to any - like thousands of other women - what if I have no choice? What if it's that or not pay bills, get into arrears with rent, and then be taken to court or end up sleeping on the pavement or in a park??? I couldn't survive that, on a most basic level I need to keep my medication in a fridge. My council have warned me if I get into arrears with rent that would disqualify me from any help from them regarding homelessness.

What can I do instead? What do I do? I need a way out and I cannot think of anything.

Please if you have any ideas can you share? I'm so worried, and aware that being so worried means I'm not thinking straight.

Constantly looking and applying for jobs is what gets me through the day. What purpose would I have if I didn't want to work? I'm too old, I've already lost so much time, I need to make progress in some way.

I don't really have friends, certainly nobody to talk to or even really have a coffee with, I don't have anything to fill my time.

I read, and watch films, I enjoy that. But that's usually the treat after jobsearching and spending my day working to try to improve my situation ie I am also trying to learn a language to a basic business level as I feel that could be an asset for my cv. Depending how much pain or fatigue I'm dealing with on any given day.

Today I've been so low I've spent the whole day on mumsnet and not jobsearched. One day of not jobsearching and I feel very strange - like there's no divide at all between the day and evening, the weekdays and the weekend. I don't want to eat anything. I haven't showered. The whole day has passed in a horrible haze of nothingness.

What about further/higher education?

I have a degree and a postgraduate certificate. I could not complete my Masters thesis due to health, despite several tries.

If you're literally after any job, care work is the easiest work to get, to be blunt. But you need to ask yourself if you're really fit for it.

I probably could not do care work, no, as when I called the agencies years ago they wanted regular hour commitments. That's the problem. I'm not looking for any job, I'm looking for a job I can do with my set of disabilities because I am NOT incapable of work.

Or at least the day I believe I am totally incapable of work and contribution to society will be the day I make arrangements to kill myself, and properly this time.

I cannot spend a miserable shitty lifespan, even if it's only 20 years more, crawling along in poverty with no hope, bowing and scraping to the benefits office. Never doing anything meaningful with my life - meaningful in terms of my job, or meaningful in terms of outside work, because there's no money for anything.

I don't really understand, sorry. What kind of job do you think would allow you that kind of flexibility? I can't think of a job that you can just not turn up to sometimes, at all, unless you are self-employed.

Sorry you feel so helpless, LetMe.

You haven't said if you'd consider moving out of London. I think this is part of your situation that you could control.

I'd check your benefit entitlement carefully .. my cousin is disabled and has a motabikiy cat , a cleaner and a decent lifestyle on benefits (?shops in m and s ) I know there were comments on austerity Britain and I get that but sone disability benefits seem to provide a decent lifestyle like my relative - has your situation been fully assessed .. just ask in case ...

Hi OP
Sorry I don't really have many ideas for jobs.

I volunteer with cab and you are right UC is very complicated. It is correct that if you are in an area where tax credits have been replaced then you might have to apply for universal credit instead of ESA. Our office is in a full service area and we are collecting statistics on how people lose out including the lack of disability element.

Bander, there is bank work such as care work that does provide some flexibility. However, the more the OP posts the more I think that perhaps she is not ready to be at work yet.

OP I really really feel for you. You have been responsive to everyone who has posted here and tried to answer everyone honestly. I think the sooner you access support for your mental health the better because everything else will follow. You may well be entitled to other benefits but you need advice from people that know and understand your own unique situation. I know my brother gets tax credits for example, has support for his council tax but is able to work part time. He has struggled with his mental health for many years. But I don't know how 'he accessed the support he needed and what he gets. He did appeal his initial decision when he was turned down though. Don't let the bastards grind you down. You deserve to be well, you deserve to be housed and you deserve a future. You really do.

Is there anything you can make, and sell? Paintings? Upcycle stuff, like old junk furniture, mirror frames, decoupage possibly, as that's easy to learn and do, doesn't cost much, could possibly sell items on the Internet. It really sounds like you need to be self employed...maybe a service (not sex) - could you do proof reading? Or other editorial services? Ironing? Anything related to your career that you could do freelance?

What things do you love doing? Could you do private tutoring for children? Or even for adults?

Proof reading or editing remotely (as I think a lot of those jobs can be?) would be ideal. Not full time, but part time, so I could hit the deadlines but working hours on days I am well enough.

How do I get into that? It would tie in well with past work I've done.

Also - it is not helpful to tell me I'm not ready for work. There is very limited mental health support. Trust me, I know this. When I was very ill and full of suicidal ideation, which culminated in a couple of bad self harm incidents and one serious suicide attempt - there was very limited help.

My psychiatrist is delighted because I am driven and constantly trying to improve my overall life situation, I eat well and wash myself (usually - today was a blip, though I have just had a shower) and I do gentle exercise on days I can.

At my lowest, I asked for help from a social worker to access other supports, and my gp said no I did not meet the criteria. The only solution is to find my own way to muddle along.

There is extremely limited support out there. ESA is not a plan for a way forward. I can't think of anything more depressing and frightening than submitting myself to the mercy of that - not unless I was already utterly depressed. I can't think of a quicker way to trigger a relapse of full blown depression.

There was a thread on Mumsnet about children making suicide attempts - being left to get to that point - before they were given appropriate help via CAMHS. The same is true for adult services. I have no doubt if I was really unable to manage at all, ie messed up my rent and got kicked out, I may be put in a hostel and then assigned a social worker to help with this kind of thing. If I was lucky, I might manage to get sorted out. Although actually I'm not sure because my council officer has told me if you mess up rent and get in arrears it disqualifies you from being helped by the council to get suitable housing. So I don't know. The goalposts shift constantly.

Anyway, because I'm coping on one level, there is no support. There is a gap between being so severely physically or mentally disabled you cannot attend to needs like eating, washing, laundry etc and managing bills, and being disabled and needing supports and allowances to be made ie not able to work fulltime, but capable of some types of work with the right support.

Your rent is ridiculous. I live in London, I know at least 5 people who rent a double bedroom at less than £700 bills included. One of them has use of a gym and 2 have en suites. You are obviously in the wrong part of town. 3 of them are west in Ealing/Acton and 2 East Whitechapel way.

Do a search with 'dss' and see how many ads specify no dss (housing benefit is treated the same) or call some agents to see how far you get.

You are left with places like mine, who are a bit dodgy but ok in terms of living standards, or real slum landlords who are undoubtedly cheaper but far more dangerous. My room is dry - although wasn't very clean when I moved in - with a solid door with a lock, and each room only has 1 person in. The kitchen and bathroom are rough and ready but not a health hazard. It's not a slum.

I really think you need to phone the crisis team / cmht & discuss your mental health. As you have a psychiatrist you will have access to these. Tell them exactly how you feel.

Personally I have poor mental health & poorly controlled epilepsy- I do care assistant work in a hospital 30 hours so part time, occupational health have specified the shifts I can do & are very supportive- the pay is low but I get DLA (I've not yet been transferred to PIP). I can't get WTC anymore as my wages are too high. I can do overtime if I'm well enough for extra money. It's interesting & rewarding work.

Do not consider sex work, I don't think you are being rational there. Gambling is not a good idea either. I wouldn't recommend babysitting with your MH & fainting issues.

Friends of mine clean for agencies, you could do agency care work, or just join an employment agency & work as a temp of some kind.

Look hard for a cheaper place to live eg as a lodger rather than in an hmo. My neighbours pay £950 for a 2 bedroom house on south coast.

I feel I'm repeating myself over and over. LANDLORDS CANNOT TAKE PEOPLE ON HOUSING BENEFIT. Therefore, it is extremely difficult to find places.

My mental health issues would not pose a threat to any children re babysiting but no I will not look more into this due to the fainting.

And finally - No, I do not have access to a crisis team. My psychiatrist is in a different hospital to my borough. There is no crisis team. It has never been mentioned. I last was told about the crisis team when discharged from hospital for my suicide attempt years ago.

I don't need a crisis team at this point in time. I can only deduce from a post advising me to call the crisis team that you have never had dealings with a crisis team. I am not actively suicidal, I am not remotely suicidal in terms of ideation. I am not psychotic, or manic. What magic do you think they could do? I'm curious.

I mean, most landlords can't accept housing benefit due to their mortgage insurance restrictions, to clarify what I mean.

OP - I haven't experienced what you are and find it hard to imagine. I just wanted to send you good wishes

I have had plenty of dealings with the crisis team thank you. I was just trying to be helpful but won't bother in future.

Letmeout, could your mental health doctor refer you too a supported housing scheme? Some very good organisations in London that specifically house people with mental health issues, might be worth asking as your housing issues cannot be helping your mental wellbeing.
Sorry you are having such a hard time 💐

letme crisis teams vary massively throughout the uk.

It's entirely possible that the crisis team where freya is works very different to yours.

For example the one in my area will only accept referrals from other mental health professionals e.g. cpn/social worker/psychiatrist and sometimes a&e after they've seen you in crisis. They won't accept them from other people (GP is told to send patient to a&e, police are told to take people to a&e) and the crisis team isn't available to those who do not frequently have such people involved long term in their care. Being in mental health crisis and not a frequent mental health patient means you are referred to GP.

The one in my area would say your crisis (if you were in one) due to benefits or housing was reactive not medical and refuse to see you and tell you to approach a cab for help (cab closed here so they're doubly useless).

X-post. However, my point that crisis teams vary massively should be remembered when recommending services to others.

Well I can phone the crisis team at any time out of hours if I feel unwell, but then I have had psychosis etc

freya that's great, how it should be. Unfortunately it's not like that everywhere.