To be scared of sex work as can't get WTC and worried my hip might dislocate? What can I do instead? Please help

[LetMeOutOfTheNightmare]

My head doesn't feel clear today, I'm very desperate, I'm disabled and running out of money at a rate of knots. Was ticking along ok hoping against hope I'd be ok with part time work and topping up with disability element of working tax credit. But Universal credit has been introduced to my area so I can't get WTC.

I don't have enough money. I don't have skills to allow me to earn more money. I can't hold down a full time job due to my health. My executive function, concentration etc is abysmal, as I am not neurotypical and regular panic attacks fuck with my concentration also.

Ideally I'd work outdoors doing something physical that doesn't require high levels of meticulous organisation, but my physical health doesn't allow that, certainly not more than a couple of days a week and then I couldn't be sure what days I'll be ok and what days I won't be ok as my condition fluctuates.

Sex work feels suitable from the point of view that it is physical (ie no deadlines of having to write reports, or transcribe documents that sort of thing) and in relatively short bursts.

Really really hate the idea of it as I don't think it would be good for mental health, and worried my dodgy hip might dislocate. I am terrified though. If I have absolutely zero money, and no access to any - like thousands of other women - what if I have no choice? What if it's that or not pay bills, get into arrears with rent, and then be taken to court or end up sleeping on the pavement or in a park??? I couldn't survive that, on a most basic level I need to keep my medication in a fridge. My council have warned me if I get into arrears with rent that would disqualify me from any help from them regarding homelessness.

What can I do instead? What do I do? I need a way out and I cannot think of anything.

Please if you have any ideas can you share? I'm so worried, and aware that being so worried means I'm not thinking straight.

freya sorry, hit send not preview - obviously it's not great that you've had psychosis (I've been there) I just meant that it's great that you can phone them if there's a need.

I hope that makes sense. I really need to go to bed!

Sorry, FreyaJade, I didn't mean to shout at you, I'm just fed up of people immediately focusing on my rent and advocating a move when honestly - it really isn't that simple. Moving to this place from my happy home of several years (which was a very reasonable rent with a great landlady, before it changed hands) took so much out of me.

I apologise too for not recognising that crisis team intervention varies from area to area. Finally, I'm so sorry you have been through psychosis, I cannot imagine how that must feel. I hope that you're ok now and doing well.

Fwiw, I honestly would feel a fraud calling a crisis team in terms of what I know the service to be. I'm stressed and panicky and feeling extremely shitty because I don't know what to do for money - but so are countless women in similar situations. It's really not a mental health crisis, despite the fact it's ratcheting up my anxiety to a degree that it makes it hard to stay remotely positive.

Just the best of luck OP. Children's and adult mental health is hugely patchy despite promises from the previous three governments. Would you consider moving right out of town to where rents genuinely are cheaper even on DSS? especially if you were to pick up on the proof-reading beforehand and make a go of it and had laptop/wifi? Are you up to starting a blog? Could you approach publishing houses (if you like reading) to say you'll help with their slush piles?

As for the betting - ignore with knobs on. That's lost tens of thousands of people more than they could afford. But you're sensible enough to have spotted that.

In terms of renting and landlords not wanting tenants on housing benefit, it might be worth looking into housing associations in london, there is one called genesis who I rented from in the past, their website has a lot about posh new developmebrs but I know that they own a lot of property accross london. The rents are market rate but they will accept HB.

OP I'm sorry you're struggling atm
I usually hate it when posters suggest this, but that's because of family ties/schools etc but I really think you'd benefit from looking at moving to another big city. You'll find LL far more willing to accept HB as well as a reduction in the cost of living.

A couple of people have asked what your previous work field is - some of us may have information in our cities regarding this for you.
I understand about your health worries and relationship with your docs, but again there are many wonderful ones dotted around the country too.

Re: NHS bank work - you can book shifts weekly, or even shorter notice, they are always wanting people especially for night duty at short notice.

Taxi offices for telephone jobs, please please do not consider sex work at the moment. It is a very demanding job mentally and can destroy a person easily if they are not of a particular mindset.

Keep an eye out for smaller cleaning companies and give them your number. A friend has one and has a sort of 'bank' for when she has big office jobs on and she'll call for extra help. She advertises on Instagram and Facebook.

What do you enjoy? Is there a job relating to that? I.E proof reading etc.

Have you checked out the money saving expert forums? They are great for lots of reasons, you may also get some useful info regarding your applications.
Still push CAB. too regarding this, the forms are designed to trip you up so if you have assistance from someone who knows them inside out it's a start.

I also think you would benefit from an appointment to discuss your mental health to keep your anxiety under control, you're clearly in a very stressful place and need to assisted with some further coping strategies to get you through.
Good luck

In terms of advice about benefits, have a look at Unite Union, I think they can offer advice similar to CAB, and you can join even if you're not employed.

You have my sympathies op. This might be stupid, but could you set up as self employed? Do pet sitting or cleaning or up-cycling and selling things? There's a lot of support out there now for women looking to set up in business. Might be worth a google for your area. Good luck.

I understand OP (sorry keep calling you that your name is long).. You sound like me ... always had issues with low/mid level depression and anxiety especially around loved ones and secondly money and fear of back to homelessness and poverty as a teen, but generally function OK - there isn't much other than counselling (had years of) and anti-depressants for it - the crisis team or even psychiatrists don't/want get involved unless or until really bad.

OP does your physical health have a big impact on your mood and feelings of self worth?? It sounds like it. For me it does too, when you are in constant pain and limited in what you can do (I have a painful autoimmune too thankfully just one) it drains concentration, joy, ambitions. I am trying as well to get help for this but short of medical pain relief tablets and counselling I don't know what else to do, haven't tried the tablets yet but will have to soon or get another operation to try.

The only thing which helps me is family and friends , and only really close ones which are few, as feel so cut off cause of illness - but it does help. That and just trying to tell myself I am worthwhile just because I am a person on Earth, that sort of thing. before I was working part time I volunteered , not as much pressure and a good way to feel purposeful. Also gardening and reading and films like you said.

I am so sorry, and I totally understand your dilemma regards sex work. I am scared of being at the mercy of the ever increasing govt cuts on the poor, even the working poor and the disabled. On benefits we are stigmatised, either disabled or as single mothers, but when I work minimum wage which is all i can get, the govt actually has to pay hundreds MORE a week out for me than when claiming jsa and still pay my rent because wages = 150, rent = 150, childcare = 200 is the reality and just doesn't add up even with the working tax / uc, so most of the childcare has to be funded by wtc and the rest by a chunk of my minimum wages, it makes no sense at all!!. I believe disabled people without children don't get much at all. And everyone deserves decent housing. The system is messed up. It seems it's either - Work IF you can, be thrown to the system which doesn't work if you can't , or do sex work. I fear trying to work full time, and trying to do degree to better situation with my pain and resulting lack of sleep etc. I am sorry I can't help you anymore other than to say i know exactly what you are going through, keep trying for options financially and get some help with regards welfare rights.

Coming from the other side of a good while in the sex industry on and off in my life due to poverty, teenage pregnancy, homelessness, falling through the system money wise (never done crime or anything) - the only thing I can say about the Sex Industry is that it pays OK and fast , and is somewhat flexible hours wise - but those are where the good things stop. The bad much much much outweighs the benefits - read my earlier post with all the negatives I could think about my time in sex work. I can tell you that Sex Work is just as much of a trap and possibly even worse than being at the mercy of the benefits system. It's horribly stressful and just horrible to be in Sex Work, I was stranged once, robbed once, witnessed a hold up and rape, and spoken to horribly so many times, exposed to health risks. Also unlike other jobs there is no progression or reconition or promotion, you stay the same-ish pay or occasionally have to charge less or get less work as you aren't young anymore or new meat. The couple hundred a day / shift that realistically most wgs can make after expenses , well it's not worth that. Unless you literally have to and absolutely nothing else can be done for basic needs like food shelter healthcare, I wouldn't risk it again, mentally or physically.

I can't believe how many people seem to think just moving is an option. It's astonishingly difficult to find anyone at all that will take anyone on benefits. It took me over a year to find a way out of my flat, I was in London paying £1200 for a flat on a decent wage but since I got ill that ate the entirety of my savings. I had to search and search for anywhere that would take me! Even see me! Most agencies won't even put you forward to the owners of rental places once you mention the dirty word. At that point I had to borrow significant amounts of money to pay for the move, for deposit and 2 months rent upfront, for train tickets for myself and someone to accompany me to my new place. I had to pay extra as I wasn't there in time to let the movers in due to the long journey and my disabilities making everything so much harder. There is so much to pay for! Cost of cleaning old flat was £220 as it had to be a specific firm, aand they still refuse to refund my almost 2k deposit there.

I'm astounded I lucky I got finding anyone that would let me rent from them. I'm paying £600 which is well over double the housing benefit so all my ESA and some PIP goes on housing and bills but I now have £20 or so per month for food and paying back the borrowed money. Mentally and physically it took me weeks to get over this move, it's so huge with mental and physical disabilities.

And while it would be good to apply to ESA, with the hopes of getting into WRAG and being able to do specific work, it is a very difficult benefit to claim. You are assessed not as to whether you can work, or are ill, but if you meet their very strict criteria. You may be completely unable to work but if the reason is not on their list, it doesn't in any way count. It is very disheartening to have to travel miles to sit in a room with someone who has no knowledge of your conditions, such as the physiotherapist I had last, and have to explain in great deal how you wipe your bottom and the physical symptoms of your mental health issues. Only physical, she wouldn't accept anything else. And get called back after 3 months to go through it all again and again and again.... This is not to OP, this is to those who say you should just claim like it's an easy thing. This system is set firmly against help and support, it's there to prove you wrong.

You are clearly a highly educated and determined person OP. I realise you are having a truly horrendous time at the moment but you are not in fact giving up, you are looking for creative answers and possibilities.

Could you go back over the thread and pick out any suggestions that you think are worth pursuing then concentrate on doing something which will make you feel better and more able to take action. You know what is the most important thing to focus on.

I wonder if you would find it possible to do a live in job? I think there I also schemes where you can get reduced rent in exchange for providing some companionship and possibly a little shopping or cooking for an elderly person. You're their lodger and free to work ie not a full-time live in carer.

It could be time for a change of hometown, is there anywhere you'd like to live?

Best of luck

HidegardMystic, thank you so much for your posts, what you are saying really chimes with me and my experiences. Ill health is a complete nightmare, it really is. Sending un-Mumsnetty hugs and solidarity - I hope you can keep safe and well and not have to go back to sex work. Sex work really seems to be a case of 'out of the frying pan, into the fire'.

Coastalcommand, thank you, yes I think you're right that self employed is really the ONLY way forward at this stage, not stupid at all! And it can be weird because sometimes freelancer positions seem to be advertised where basically employers demand everything they would from an employee, but want you to be self employed so they aren't responsible for your tax or holiday/ sickness pay? It can be hard to filter.

RabbitPikas I will look up Unite, thank you, I have never even heard of them! When I asked about Housing Associations, I was told I could not apply as you had to be in the borough for a certain period of time, I have been in mine 4 years. It's through the council housing department.

FeralBeryl, again thank you too. I am thinking long and hard about moving away from London, I'm in the midst of some new diagnostic work at the minute so would probably be good to wait until that is done but after. It's really piqued my interest to hear that landlords outside of London are more relaxed about housing benefit? I've never heard this before?

Thanks LetMe, hugs for you too xx

Goldilocks, what a great post. The amount of people who seem to think moving when you are on substinence level income is just like that, as easy as that it's mental. I had a struggle finding somewhere even semi-decent to take me on as was on JSA, and then when I did they required a guarantor before they'd take me cause I was that dreaded DSS, if I didn't have a family member willing to guarntor Id have been screwed at that stange. And even when I got the property was out £600 in deposit and over £200 in moving costs and it was only few miles away . Which of course I couldn't pay out of my jobseekers and child money, so that was a week of degrading sex work to fund that. And rents are cheap and DSS more accepted by landlords where I am than in London. Crazy!!

Same about ESA / PIP - some seem to get it , I've never tried because I suspect like you have confirmed that it is humiliating and stressful so I have scraped by. Other people I know and family members who I know for a fact cannot work or would seriously seriously struggle, have been denied. The system is set up at this point in time, to deny basic financial substinence to people whenever they can get away with denying it, whether you are ill / disabled / genuinely can't work or even have doctor's notes and consultants letters, doesn't seem to make any difference, it's just a cutting and number game. But it's devasting real people's lives.

OP, i am not totally sure about if landlords are more lenient as always lived north west so can't compare, but here I have been able to rent 3 times on benefits - I had to give bank statements and benefit proof and after some sketchy looks from the landlord/agent, they told me I need a guarantor who earns salary more than the yearly rent. Luckily I had one and it went OK. I was turned down for being DSS at the phonecall or viewing stage a few times though as well and also there are quite a few ads stipulating "No DSS" , the decent properties seem to the ones who don't specifically say DSS welcome but who can be persuaded. It was 2 agencies and 1 private guy just renting himself i went through. I have heard agencies are stricter on what they require.

I always pay my rent on time and they inspect once a year now but are fine now and I didn't tell them when started working xx

Hi OP just wanted to send support and sympathy. I understand the need to stay in London so you don't give up on everything you know and hope for. Also understand the dss landlord thing. Just wondered if you would consider moving a commute away from your specialists and chance of work? I.e. Towns with fast commute to London and good local transport like Woking can get you much more for your money in terms of rent/ 900 would easily get you a 1 bed flat and it's 20 mins to Waterloo? Decent room in good house would be 400 pcm.

Maybe you could , in the long term to reduce costs I know you can't now, look into moving somewhere cheaper . Do you have someone who could act guarantor for you?? As I def found that that changed their mind when they heard DSS if I could get one. Also, I think there is some option on HB where you can sign a form to have your housing benefit paid directly to your landlord or ll agent , rather than you first. I had to push the housing office for it, but I used that as extra reassurance for my first landlord and think that helped persuade them to take me.

I don't understand the stigma, but maybe I'm just not getting it - someone on benefits unless chaotic surely they are an ok option - most of the rent is being paid by hb every month just the same so what do they mind.. someone in full time employment could lose their job just the same to a landlord..

Op most housing ass offer debt management where you see someone and they help you through your benefits etc... they did this when I was a home Carer for my DD yes it's embarrassing but sadly this day and age you are one of many.

P.s. Medical trials normal pay very well too and do not have to be intrusive I know students take part regularly to help their income.

Salsmum I am not able to do medical trials because of my autoimmune disease. I have looked, because there seems to be great money in the flu camp contract or if you are prepared to smoke cigarettes. A student friend of mine did the smoking one and made about £2000.

Part of me feels it's grim people smoke or take risky new drugs because they're so desperate for money though.

I have no debt so no creditors to liaise with, thankfully.

What about setting up as 'self employed' and offering a variety of services?

So pet/house sitting, dog walking, cleaning etc (maybe the cleaning on more of an 'ad hoc' basis).

I have a friend who 'lives' in central London, officially she has a room in a shared flat but she is rarely there because she is a 'professional' house sitter type.

She cleans for people as above, so they don't need a weekly clean but give her a buzz for a catch up type one.

I've No Advice but Plenty of ((((((((((hugs))))))) Long/short/cyber/Mega
All the (((((Hugs)))))))

I missed why you can't work time. But you live in London with all the work opportunities. Before sex work surely there are all sorts of more normal jobs you could do?
Bar work? Hotel receptionist? Barista, waitress, kitchen stuff, shop work, office temp, seasonal work at tourist attractions, cleaning, babysitting, factory work in the outer zones.
The work could mean escape from the no DSS housing trap and build up your confidence.

I cannot work full time because of my health, I've been quite clear about that from my OP.

Realistically no minimum wage job does mean escaping the DSS trap. Minimum wage still requires housing benefit, even if you are doing 40 hours a week which I cannot do.

This thread is good for giving me insight into how some people regard those with disabilities. People seem to read my posts, and unconsciously dismiss facts that jar with what they believe to be true, in terms of how the world works and how you solve problems.

Countless times I've been told now to move - and yes, maybe I should, but it requires planning and some form of capital for deposit and move costs, and that's leaving out the tricky issue of having no guarantor in the UK. My partner would absolutely be my guarantor but doesn't own property in UK but maybe some would accept my DP's proof of salary for guarantor purposes.

Rollercoaster, I have a whole catalogue of physical symptoms from my autoimmune diseases. For example, my joints and nerves are both affected by things like standing too long. I have a long list of other things that I'm not going into because it's fucking depressing.

I worked very hard for a very long time to stop beating myself up for my body not functioning correctly, but writing lists of everything that is wrong does make me miserable and I get enough of that every time I have to give my medical history.

Seven pages in and I must have missed this but, what was the work you did previously and want to get back into? Perhaps we could suggest related part-time/flexible options?

What did you do before? What are your qualifications in?

Your options, given your health, seem to be very limited unfortunately.

This interview sounded useful and the website in general even if you're not a mum

www.mumandworking.co.uk/Career-Focus/career-focus-writing/proofreader/

Perhaps you could access some support for training costs, not something I know about but maybe someone else could advise

even via crowdfunding. I would support you if you put the link up, and I'm sure lots of mns would. (If you're allowed!).

At least it might be a job with a future that you can build on.
My father was a proof reader working from home, that was a long time ago, but it was very flexible and if you can do it in an area you are interested in then it could be rewarding
Good luck op
Keep us in the loop, I can empathise with how hard it is for you. Sometimes everything can be so overwhelming but lots of people here can and will support you!