It's going to be a long one, but I'll make it comprehensive so as not to drip feed.
I'm British and DH is of a different nationality, and I have lived with him in his home country for the past 5+ years. I'll be 37 weeks pregnant on Saturday with our first baby; a little boy, whom we both simply cannot wait to meet. Most of my maternity care has taken place in our country of residence, but DH and I decided together that we would come to my family home in London for the summer and that I would give birth here, for a number of reasons:
⁃ Our country of residence is extremely hot at this time of year, and I wouldn't be able to set foot outside in the heat. Family home in London is next to a park & the Thames; perfect for pregnant walks (waddles), & strolls with the pram once baby arrives.
⁃ My due date is 29th July, and DH's work (which is seasonal) was due to take him to Germany for the majority of August. So, if he got one or two days off during the month-long training camp, he would be able to hop on a short haul flight and come to visit us in London more easily, as opposed to a 7+ hr flight to his home country.
⁃ The fact that DH was supposed to be in Germany with work in August also meant that it made sense for me to be in London, staying with my mother, so that I would have help adapting to life with a newborn.
⁃ In DH's culture it is tradition for the new mum and baby to stay at her mother's house for the first 40 days after the birth.
⁃ My grandparents - to whom I am exceptionally close - would not be well enough to take the long-haul flight to come and meet the baby. Whereas DH's family would be more than willing and able to come to London - plus I'll be returning back home to them a month after delivering anyway.
So, for all the above reasons, it made absolute sense to us both that I should deliver in London. At this point I must also confirm that yes, we are paying for 100% private maternity care here - before I get flamed and accused of 'living a cushy expat lifestyle and coming back to sponge off the NHS' - which I was indeed accused of on another thread of a different topic a little while back...!
Anyway, spool forward to now: DH and I had been in London since the end of May, having a wonderful time, spending quality time together before baby comes and with my family, and continuing to attend my antenatal appointments at the private wing at which I am booked to deliver. The pregnancy has been progressing perfectly and everything was marvellous.
Suddenly and unexpectedly, DH got called up to his country's compulsory military service. It can happen anytime between the age of 18-30 (he's 26), but new recruits are usually only ever called up to start in January. This is the first time they've ever done a new call-up session in July. He had to leave me and return home the very next day in order to answer the call of duty and complete the (rather lengthy) registration process. He appealed to a committee to delay his call-up due to the fact that his wife is about to give birth to our first baby any day now, but there are no exceptions made.
To make matters worse, the 1-year long military service (which will mean he cannot do his usual job for a whole year) includes a 45-day 'lockdown' period with absolutely no communication with the outside world, starting on 1st August. So I won't even be able to talk to my DH or send him pics & videos of our newborn baby boy for a month and a half.
I am a bag of pregnancy-hormone fuelled emotions anyway, but this situation has just utterly devastated me. I'm not usually one who shows my emotions but ever since he got the call-up I've been crying every day, and the smallest thing can set me off. I am completely and utterly heartbroken that my beloved DH will be forced to miss the precious, priceless moment of our first baby being born, and won't even get to meet our son until he's almost 2 months old. Of course DH is also beyond devastated and he has tried every possible avenue to get a delay, but to no avail.
The two of us are sitting on opposite sides of the world, both so excited about our impending arrival, but both completely gutted about these unforeseen circumstances and what they mean for us. And I can't help but blame myself somehow - even though all our reasons for choosing to have the baby in London made perfect sense at the time, and we could never have predicted this. But if I had just decided to stay in our country of residence and give birth there (which also would've been MUCH cheaper), at least DH would be let out of the military base for one day when I would go into labour. Of course it's far too late for me to fly back and have the baby there now - if I could, I would.
AIBU to feel so utterly bereft and robbed of one of the most magical moments in life? And to worry about how I will cope with the emotions of giving birth and DH not being able to be there? This should be the most joyous and exciting time but instead I am here sobbing my eyes out to sleep every night... It breaks my heart to think that DH will not be the first one to see and hold our baby. Or AIB a massive drama queen? Is it something I should just take on the chin because women throughout the generations have had to deal with giving birth without their DHs by their side? Has anyone else been in a similar situation, and if so, how did you and your DH cope?
Thank you to anyone who has read all the way to the end of my post of epic proportions - to be honest it has been cathartic just to write it all down and get it out. 