Help me with a "Hell no!" reply, please.

[AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley]

Seriously- someone left the gate open at Cheeky Fuckerland this week!

It's my birthday in 9 days. (Actually, it's my bday on Monday- but I'm celebrating in 9 days). I don't usually do anything, but it seems like an absolute age since we all got together, so I've organized a curry night at home. A few mates and their kids, music, etc.

I've got a whatsapp group (lazy, couldn't be arsed to send the same text 170 times😂), which the girl in question is a part of. It's been a bit of a riot on there (people suggesting silly themes, etc, all good fun). She hasn't said a word on it.

She pinged me privately and said "my five are excited about next Saturday- they love Aunty Radley's cooking", etc, etc. And then the clanger (I think)

"What time is (my DH) picking them up? It'll have to be before 3 because I've arranged to go out".

Um...HUH?

I said she must have got her wires crossed- she was invited WITH the DC, and I've askrd everyone to arrive at about 5.30-6! (This is why I mentioned the Whatsapp group btw- these details have been mentioned several times on there, with people joking that they'd be arriving by private jet 😂).

Answer: "They'll be fine coming to yours early. I'll bang their sleeping bags in the boot and DH can drop them off about 3pm on Sunday".

I haven't replied.

I don't want to be responsible for five other kids without their parent there! We have no room for them to sleep over either! My DC share a room in a two bedroomed apartment. It'll be a squeeze getting everyone in on Saturday night, but that's always part of the fun.

In a nutshell:

Am I being selfish? I want to let my hair down as much as I can that night- anyone who's read my other active thread will know it's been a stressful month, and I need it!

If IANBU, please help me craft a reply.

If IABU and completely selfish, help me somehow work out a sleepover arrangement? How practical is it to squeeze 7 kids into one roome? (DB will be sleeping over in the lounge, and he snores like a lawnmower on acid, so impossible to share a room with, much as I love him)

?????

What on earth is wrong with people??

Is she being serious?! "someone else?" it's your birthday not a regular day!

What are you going to reply OP?

Maybe something like: no, no and no.

😯😯😯😯😯😯

Don't get sucked into the details. Don't get drawn in to logistics or sleeping arrangements. It would make it sound up for discussion.

Just answer back "Sorry, absolutely 100% was never happening."

This woman is not your friend!

And you're sleeping where?

Is this real?

Text her back and say "Day to day circumstances are irrelevant, this is a special occasion - my birthday - and I've said I'm not doing childcare. Neither are any of my guests (apart for their own kids) because they've been invited to a party, not asked to babysit. Same rules for everyone - either you all come or no one comes, and you all leave at 11pm, no sleep overs."

You need to end this now.

Next message.

I'm sorry you have misunderstood but I am not babysitting your children on my birthday.

That's all you need to say. No apologies on your side, no further explaining. Don't give her an inch.

This is a grown up party for my birthday not a sitting service whilst you go Elsewhere. You and your kids are welcome to attend between 5.30 and midnight. No sleepovers, childminding or drop offs, not this time. Parents are responsible for only their own brood. Non negotiable, I am afraid.

"No, I am not having any sort of child sleep over on my birthday, I will not ever have your 5 DC over for a sleepover without you here to supervise."

Errrrr- are you having a laugh? What's wrong with my bed? I'll be sleeping in it. It's my birthday party and I'm not babysitting. Not the time or place. If you're struggling I'll help you out another time but not at my birthday party.
That's what I'd say.

Me too, Brenna

I'd reply:

Er - 1. your "position" is irrelevant seeing as it's MY birthday. 2. Not my fault you don't have a DH. 3. I'm not your babysitter; you either all come to my party or none of you. 4. My bed is where DH and I sleep. I take it you're declining my invitation then?

I would have sent 'It's not happening' the first time, but you could also send it now. What a hideous person.

Jesus wept. Just tell her to fuck off.

"Listen 'friend' I can take a joke but you're coming across as being serious here. Let's be clear, I am not babysitting your kids on at my birthday party. I invited you all and if you can't make it that's fine but the children won't be coming either."

Op don't mention lack of space, you don't need an excuse to say no.

"Wow. Well I was going to offer to have your kids for a sleepover another night, but after being accused of 'sitting on my arse all day', that isn't going to happen. I hope you enjoy your evening out"
And then remove her from the whatsapp group

3 of her kids in your bed.... So where do you sleep.

I'd text back and make it clear she and her children are completely uninvited to the party. You won't be babysitting and you won't be entering into a discussion about it

I like Maureen's reply.

Holy Moly!! The utter bare-faced cheek of it!
It's YOUR birthday and she's trying to wrangle free childcare so she can swan off somewhere else for 24hrs - pretty sure she can fuck the fuck off!!

I would send back; 'and where are me and DH meant to sleep?!!! It's irrelevant anyway, I didn't invite your DC to a sleepover, I invited you and your family to my birthday celebration. Come, don't come, both are fine but babysitting is not on offer'.

Ps. I will ignore your comment about sitting on my arse crocheting all day and put it down to the warm weather.

So you're OK to dump 5 kids on for 24hrs, but not to party with.

If she was going to come, how would they all get to you??